How to cope with getting ugly

[doggirl4]

Im nearly 40, over the past few years I’ve really noticed my looks going. I’ve never been a stunner but I was fairly attractive when younger. Now I can see myself fading and it’s things I can’t do a lot about (without cosmetic surgery) like my face really sagging and deep wrinkles. My skin tone always looks grey, my hair has always been shit but is now even thinner and flatter. I have no sense of style and hate seeing photos of myself. I’m about 11 stone so a bit overweight but not massively so for my height.

I know this is ageing but I feel really sad about it. I don’t want to sound shallow I just want to feel happy and confident in my own skin. Has anyone else felt like this?

Op I feel exactly the same. I think it's just a bit of a shock when you get to this kind of age and suddenly see your face changing more visibly. I sometimes look at my friends of a similar age and think how old they look and then realise I'm exactly the same! I'm just trying to accept that I Will never look 25 again and make the best of what I have 😂

Laughs even more at 72!

This is strange! If you're 52 and someone thought you were 40, then that's fabulous.

I'm 56. I had a neck lift, face lift and upper and lower bleph when I was 52. It's one of the best things I've ever done. I feel like me again. But it's still obvious (I think) that I'm middle aged. I mean, no one ever guesses my age, but I just assume that I look 50's ish, but without the eye bags and turkey neck! And for me, that's a good result.

It's difficult, OP. I have a very busy and happy life, but I can't help feel sad sometimes at the way I've aged.

I still like to make an effort with my clothes and stay fit and slim. My face is a lot cause but I do what I can with make-up and skincare. I'd never get surgery or filler/botox, because although I don't love my face these days, I love myself and I'm much more than a saggy face. I may not look like I did up until my mid 30s, but I like myself much more than I did then and I think I'm a better person than I was then.

No that’s not what I’m saying at all but if you’d like to derail the thread by taking offence crack on. I know loads of older women with great style who look fabulous. Some of them are very physically fit, some of them have amazing hair, some of them have Botox or cosmetic surgery, some of them have great dress sense.

This isn’t a thread about ‘all’ people it’s about how I feel about myself.

I get this, people always say lower than they think so she likely thought late forties, last people look within five years of their age.

freezing wrinkles doesn’t make you looo younger, it is supposed to make you looo good for your age. What is more youthful is a healthy weight and toned figure , no tum or wobbly bum, no bingo wings or double chins. Looking toned and fit always makes people think you look younger, as does healthy bright skin, due to a good diet, minimal make up, the masking foundation is ageing, and healthy shiny hair in good condition and colour.

for me, people always look surprised when I say my age, and I want to look good for my age, not like I’m trying to be younger by having a frozen face with fillers.

OP, style is something you can do something about! Do you look at the style and beauty boards? Read magazines? Are you stuck in a rut?

The style and beauty folk here are largely great. Start a thread about your size and shape and what you normally wear, give a budget, and people will dive in with ideas. You can then pick and choose. See you over there ;-) Fashion can be fun, whatever age or size!

You might think me bonkers, but weight training and pilates has made a big difference to how I feel about myself.

Never in a million years did I think that I'd manage pilates - old, fat, out of condition, bad back and wonky knees.

I can now get off the mat without having to kneel and hang onto something. I still have to use my hands, but I'm getting up off my toes. More importantly, I'm no longer doing the old person side shuffle as I walk - I'm walking normally with a longer stride. I'm also remembering to walk taller and to tuck my backside in: according to my osteopath I was walking for it stuck out to compensate for my knee problems.

I have no idea whether I look younger, but I feel better in myself and - yes, I no longer feel as ancient as I did.

I feel you op, I'm 43 and I feel like my skin has deteriorated more in the last 6 months than in all of the previous years combined. Over the past month I've made a concerted effort to improve my skin quality and I've found that; more water, reducing sugar and alcohol as much as possible and exercise which makes you sweat definitely helps. Ie - running and hot yoga. Hillwalking always makes my skin look fresh as well. I also take creatine, NAD, multi-vitamins & D3/K2. Hope it helps!

Wait until you turn 60!

I don't want to look 40. Didn't want to look 40 when I was 22 and still don't at 52.

What do you want to look then? Because sadly in reality you will look late forties to mid fifties in real life.

How old do you think you’ll be before you’ll be happy to look 40? Because I can assure you when you get to that age you most definitely won’t look 40. I seriously doubt that you do now.

I'm going to disagree with the 'when you're 80 you'll think you were beautiful at 40' comments.

With respect, each age has a different type of beauty.

Yes, most of us are beautiful at 20-35, but youth is inherently beautiful. It's taken me through my 40s and into my 50s to really grow into my older looks. It's an adventure (and infinitely better than plastic surgery).

Also (and this might help, might not) I stopped caring about looking conventionally pleasing once I hit menopause. Looking slightly eccentrically good is quite another thing though!

I don’t think most people are beautiful between 20 and 35 and find this whole thought process on all under 40 being beautiful bewildering.

you know where you are on the attractiveness scale at all ages, and that scale is quite wide from less attractive to very attractive and the average in the middle. It’s the same for all ages,

no one average or below is looking back thinking they were a beauty and just as you’re a certain age doesn’t mean you’re beautiful, it’s a ridiculous thought,

Up your protein intake massively, drink at least 2L of water a day. Fake tan with a gradual tanner, do hair masks regularly and leave overnight. Eat mostly only fruit and veg. See best hairdresser you can afford as often as you can. Start lifting weights and doing Pilates. Start running once or twice a week.

Keep doing all of the above!!

Use vitamin C for the grey skin, minoxidil for hair thinning and retinol (I think GP can prescribe) for skin . These 3 are really affective, agreed on by dermatologists and affordable. Just do your research to make sure you are buying the right thing.

exercise to get the blood flowing
weights
I have no idea if collegen works but my friend swears by it !
re skin - Id absolutely recommend tretinon via dermatica.gold standard skin care .
i also buy a lot of koerean skin care as I believe its very good.
eg milky toners to hydrate the skin really help me .

we're moving house soon. I'm going to make sure there are fewer mirrors in the new house. I'm not going down the cosmetic treatment route, and I already do what I can by exercising, eating well, and not drinking, so I'm just going to reduce the impact by not looking. Where we live now, we have mirrored wardrobes, massive mirrors in the bathroom, etc. There's just no need.

I am ugly. I was an ugly baby (believe me, I've seen the photos), I was an ugly child and I have grown into an ugly old woman. I have lips so thin that they disappear into my chin, if I don't force a smile. My hair is kept under a hat, because no matter how it is styled, it is straggly and wayward. My nose is, according to my sons, shaped like a willy. It is good for smelling things, but it has kept growing so now I look like I have a massive todger in the middle of my face.

The squint that I had as a child has come back, so I can't even look people in the eye without turning my head. I gave up wearing make up years ago,= because it simply accentuated my worst features.

Yet, I love life. Life is beautiful! There are some ugly events going on, but life itself is a precious and lovely thing.

I have a job that I love, and it does not require me to look beautiful. I am writing a book and really enjoying it. I have a lovely and loving family and fantastic friends.

Perhaps I am at an age where I do not have to think of men's approval; may be I don't give a flying fig about the so called standards of beauty that society sets for women (all designed by the cosmetics industry). It could be the fact that I have never been beautiful that I do not lament the 'loss' of my youthful looks.

However, if you look in the mirror, you will see something beautiful. You will see a human being capable of deep and wondrous feelings; a person who can love; someone who is passionate about something and whose thoughts know no limits. All these things are beautiful.

Well i wasn't gonna say it but, yeah, this😆

What you're describing is so much more common than people admit out loud and it takes courage to say it, and while I can't speak to the emotional side as well as others here can, from a practical standpoint a lot of what you're describing like the grey skin tone, sagging, and dull hair often responds more than people expect to consistent basics like SPF daily, a retinoid at night, and getting iron and vitamin D levels checked since deficiencies in both show up directly in skin tone and hair thickness and are incredibly common in women approaching 40.

This is what I was going to say, but I also think women can look great at 80 as well.
That said, minerals and vitamins as well as enough sleep and exercise help at any age.

Totally agree with you and also with lots of the replies. There's lots you can do to feel better about yourself like eating more healthily, cutting down on the stodge, getting out in the fresh air. Ask your hairdresser for suggestions for longer term hair health. Go for a makeover or ask at your local department store beauty counter for make up advice. I had chemotherapy 2 years ago and lost all my hair which was fairly traumatic but it's now grown back thick and curly and I love it!! Also, don't forget by the time you get to your 50's you're pretty much invisible anyway, at least that's how it feels!!

You can be beautiful at any age. Not all young people are beautiful.

It is harder as we get older but don’t give up! I’m 50 and I’m not going down without a fight.

I’d first focus on skincare. SPF, retinol, vitamin C. Maybe a facial tanner if you look grey.

I wouldn’t worry about losing weight as we don’t want to be too thin when we get older. We need the fat in our faces. But weights and Pilates are a good mixture for muscle definition and posture which will help you look younger.

And a good diet - lots of veggies and good fats, so salmon, avocado, olive oil, nuts, seeds. Plenty of water. Minimal alcohol. Sleep. It’s just all more of an effort these days but doable.