How to cope with getting ugly

[doggirl4]

Im nearly 40, over the past few years I’ve really noticed my looks going. I’ve never been a stunner but I was fairly attractive when younger. Now I can see myself fading and it’s things I can’t do a lot about (without cosmetic surgery) like my face really sagging and deep wrinkles. My skin tone always looks grey, my hair has always been shit but is now even thinner and flatter. I have no sense of style and hate seeing photos of myself. I’m about 11 stone so a bit overweight but not massively so for my height.

I know this is ageing but I feel really sad about it. I don’t want to sound shallow I just want to feel happy and confident in my own skin. Has anyone else felt like this?

Life is too short to feel ugly!

Ignore the "beauty comes from the inside" nonsense - you are allowed to feel what you feel and want to look the best you possibly can. You want to look in the mirror and at photos of you and be happy with what you see.

Confidence and happiness are important! You matter! Your appearance matters.

Get a stylist - personal stylist can even work online. Pick a stylist that works with high street fashion, keep the cost low, but someone recommending the colours and shape that work for you makes all the difference. It really is not expensive, some stylist can do even do an online shop for you with Vinted items!

I can recommend some groups and stylists if you want.

Be active - you will feel better and a toned body always looks better. It's more than important for women as they are getting older.

You can improve your skin, it needs hydration, and using the right makeup will make all the difference. Does any celeb ever goes out make-up free? No. There's a reason for that.

Same with a great hairdresser, they can help - but you can get online consultation with someone who can at least discuss what would work best for you

You are not getting "ugly", you are just changing.

Get your brows shaped. Lose a bit of weight and start weight training or bodyweight work. These give good muscle tone and posture.
Use facial tanning oil to get rid of that grey skinned look. Try facial yoga too.
Get a good haircut that isn't a middle aged compromise but one yesterday makes you feel young. My hair looks best shoulder length. Shorter ages me.

Moisturise your body, including legs, necks, arms. Wear good colours that liven up your eyes, skin and hair tones.

Walk tall, shoulders pinned back, bum tucked in. How we move and stand can really make us plain or attractive.

Best advice I had for myself Was get over yourself

so what I was attractive when I was young and now not so much and … the world hasn’t stopped, I can still make myself look ok, I have my health and what does it really matter

helped that I have an extremely self absorbed mother who is has been depressed for years because she has lost her looks 🙄 I don’t want to be as ugly as she is through jealousy, bitterness and self pity

We are lucky to live in a time when being a woman is no longer treated as a slow descent into invisibility. It isn’t a curse to age, and we don’t have to accept becoming drained, neglected or “past our prime.”

Appearance matters. It isn’t everything, far from it, but it is important,

You will never be younger than you are today. You will never not look your age.
But you can absolutely be the best, strongest, most radiant version of yourself.

Looking good doesn’t cancel intelligence, kindness, ambition or depth. You can be attractive and intelligent, and interesting, and successful, and kind and happy.

Taking care of how you look doesn’t take anything away from who you are. If anything, it adds confidence, energy, and happy vibes.

Yes but (genuinely) I try to keep my hair nice, and not look in the mirror too much. I wear little or no makeup.

I am also busy, happy and when I see other old and “ugly” faces I talk to the person and put greater emphasis on them rather than the elasticity of their jawline. I actually love a very wrinkled elderly face, I find it expressive and characterful.

How you feel has nothing to do with how you look.

Stop obsessing over how you look and "fixing" it when what you need to fix is how you feel about yourself and your own self esteem.

The fact you describe aging as being ugly is really rude. You're not 25 year old any more so you're not going to look like a 20 something year old!

Your friends will like you because you're a nice person, and they're not going to drop you because your hair doesn't look perfect, or your boobs would fail the pencil test, or you have saggy jowls.

People are interested in you as a person, not what you look like. And if anyone is really that shallow and judge you on your looks, then why would you want to be friends with someone like that?!

Focus on being happy just being you. You could have the most perfect taught skin and glossy hair and beautiful slim figure, but if you're a miserable cow on the inside then no one will want to be friends with you. The inside bit is what is important.

Age doesn't mean ugliness and nor does weight.

I'm fat (18-20) and 49 and I still turn heads. It helps that I have a pleasant face and good hair, but I also put in effort. I choose lovely clothes in rich colours and opulent fabrics. I spend a lot of time on skincare, the Korean stuff is amazing. Infrared mask at home 4 times a week, 2 or 3 sheets masks a week, microneedling, again at home.

Re makeup less is more when you're older but there's some really good skin tints and if you keep your brows well groomed and fake tan then a bit of eyeliner and mascara, some blusher and tinted lip balm, you will look healthy and glowy.

Can we please put the age and weight thing in the bin and cherish our current bodies. We can all practice self care. Also drink loads of water and take collagen.

I think your mindset is your issue here, not your looks.

Totally agree with this.

OP, start seriously looking at your shape and the clothes that suit it.
Use the internet to figure out what works.
Talk to friends, ask for frank advice.
Once you land on a style that works for you and your life, you can use it as a uniform guide and look for inexpensive clothes that can be mixed and matched.

I swear by Aldi's skincare for the past 20 years.
The serums and moisturisers are in expensive and can be slapped on.
The Caviar rage, particularly the nightcream is brilliant.
As are thir serums, the cheapest one is my go to.
I also used their hair thickening sprays which I felt really helped.

I don't believe you have to spend big money on skincare, look at the dupes that so many supermarkets do.

The incky znd ordinary ranges are great too.
Definitely watch your alcohol intake as lovely as it is, it dulls the skin.

Invest seriously in yourself and you will feel better.
You ARE worth it.
Everything you do during this decade will also see benefits in the next.

At the moment I look like shit. I'm battling with fatigue and depression. I'm low in iron but not low enough for anaemia prescription iron.
I'm not getting enough restful sleep.
My skin is dull, I have bags under my eyes, my hair is flat and I just generally don't shine at the moment.
9 months ago before pregnancy did a number on my body I was glowing I smiled, I had energy, I felt confident. Things were good. My body is doing its best but at this moment in time I'm more of a battered old run around doing it best to stay on the road than a shiny vintage ferrari

I would look inwardly and maybe get some routine bloods to see if there is something a miss

I wouldn’t be bothered at all. That’s not ugly. That’s just not 21. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I have a facial disfigurement do to cancer. A scar on my face, a chunk of my head missing, a tumour visibly growing in my neck, plus visible surgical scars, probably about 20cm long. I looked absolutely fucked. Plus I might die. If it wasn’t for the might die bit, I wouldn’t give a shit about the rest of it! There are much worse things than having older skin and looking a bit more tired. It won’t stop you going on holiday, or pursuing a new career in your 40s, or enjoying your hobby or seeing your kids grow up. You have to put it in perspective really.

laughs at age 65

Agreed. I find that the exercise lifts my mood apart from anything else.

This is all about diet. An example is too much sugar and not enough protein destroys collagen, which results in sagging skin and causes thinning hair that can be brittle or even loss.

id clean up your diet, reduce alcohol, it can be full of sugar. Even if not it significantly damages skin and hair as it depletes nutrients, causes dehyrdration and inflammation,

so reduce alcohol, try to cut it out to give your body a reset, eat a clean and healthy diet, lots of protein and vegetables, fruit, salads, yoghurt etc, and drink 2-3 litres of water a day,

it is not an over night fix, but it will improve your skin and hair, over time, no matter what products you use, it really is the truth that it starts from the inside and the only way to have healthy skin and hair is to eat a healthy diet and remove toxins,

How much time do you spend outdoors? I notice among the people I know and meet at work that it's the people who get outside every day who look the healthiest. Their skin tends to look better, rosy cheeked and glowing. The dog and horse owners always look amazing at all ages and no matter how many wrinkles.

I am 54 and my skin looks so much healthier since I've changed jobs and now walk to work every day. 40 is very young to feel the way you do.

Someone who looks healthy always look good, no matter their age. Have the Botox if it's going to make you feel better but I would say try to work on it from the inside out and it will show on your face.

A healthy perspective on ageing probably also makes a difference. Having lost close relatives and friends in their 50's and early 60's, I just feel blessed to be here. I make sure I get plenty of sleep and hydration and take my vitamins and minerals. For most of the last year, I have felt 80 years old due to a chronic condition but that has lifted now and I feel 30 again.

Good luck, OP.

Absolutely this

Do the botox I reckon. Splash out. And get some good make up.

Sorry to hijack but when you say 'the Korean stuff' any brands you'd recommend?

I am always happy to splurge on my appearance. Only have one life, one body, one face. Make the best of it I say!

runs to aldi

Top tip!!!

I’m 45 and planning a facelift at 50 as I can’t have injectables. I can’t wait. It’s taken the pressure off me now and I feel I can just exist and be happy and even though I don’t look great I know at 50 I’ve got something planned to rejuvenate myself facially. All I need to do now is keep up with fitness and stay slim and be happy

I’d also not use words like ugly about yourself, it means extremely unattractive or unpleasant to look at. It betrays a real self of self hatred and self disgust, and that repulsion is unlikely to be felt by people looking at you. More just you looking at you.

I don’t see ageing as something which makes us ugly. Even if your lifestyle has led to more extreme ageing than would be expected at your age.

so I would be kinder to yourself. I see people on here often refer to themselves as ugly and then attack others when they question it, it always make me feel s little sad for them.

You're basically saying all 'old' people are ugly?

yes, that's exactly what's she saying. HTH 😂

Stop drinking- even if you're not a big drinker. Everything especially your skin will thank you for it- now and later.