How to cope with getting ugly

[doggirl4]

Im nearly 40, over the past few years I’ve really noticed my looks going. I’ve never been a stunner but I was fairly attractive when younger. Now I can see myself fading and it’s things I can’t do a lot about (without cosmetic surgery) like my face really sagging and deep wrinkles. My skin tone always looks grey, my hair has always been shit but is now even thinner and flatter. I have no sense of style and hate seeing photos of myself. I’m about 11 stone so a bit overweight but not massively so for my height.

I know this is ageing but I feel really sad about it. I don’t want to sound shallow I just want to feel happy and confident in my own skin. Has anyone else felt like this?

Trust me in ten years you will stop giving a shit. I’m in my 50s, still scrub up OK but I’m damned if I am going to stress myself out over whether I match up to a male defined standard of youthful beauty.

I’m lucky enough to be healthy and not have any chronic issues. My weight is reasonable and I look presentable enough.

But beyond that I am simply not prepared to torture myself over it. More important things to worry about.

Sorry if this sounds sanctimonious but if you are constantly judging yourself for no longer being 23 you’re never going to be satisfied. If you’re lucky enough to age without significant health issues you are doing well.

And 75% of beauty is about confidence and self acceptance. So learning to stop punishing yourself will probably do more for you than any beauty treatment or haircut.

Ignore her. She doesn’t know as much as she thinks about being mature.

You are lecturing someone about being ‘ugly inside’ and you leave a comment like this.Think about it.

I understand, I'm in the same boat. But I tell myself going old is a privilege. All that matters is that I'm around and healthy

I hear you, it’s not easy getting older.

Yesterday in a busy crowd someone bumped into me and said “sorry mate” - not the first time I’ve been mistaken for a fella! It’s so demoralising 😆

Have more sex. Honestly I feel a million times better when my dh still appreciates my physically!

This is the perfect time to embrace the art of not giving a fuck about what people think of your appearance.

By all means, look your best - it's good for your self-esteem - but you'll be on a hiding to nothing if you try to look younger. People who spend money on Botox etc. don't look younger, they look like people who are worried about their looks.

I'm 39 and already stopped giving a shit😂 I'm never going to look as good as I did at 20 and all these lines show I spent my time smiling and laughing. I couldn't give a toss what anyone else thinks about how I look. OP, you need to accept that this shit happens and it's pointless to be forever miserable about it

I wholeheartedly agree with having more sex. It's hugely important for self-esteem, youthful appearance and physical fitness.

👏

It can be hard but I actively try not to shy away from my my age or getting older. I tell people how old I am, I dismiss their socially conditioned responses about 'not looking it' and say; "I don't mind looking 40, that's how old I am!" Our attitude to aging is ridiculous and we would all do well to try and detach our self worth from our age or our looks. My mum never did this; she is 75 now and so uncomfortable in her own skin. It's really sad to see.

I totally empathise with this feeling. I'm 52 and looked better between 35 and 45 than I did in my 20's due to haircut and clothes. But I am definitely noticing a jowly look about me now and despise my sagging chin.

That said there's nothing I can do about that so I keep going with trying to have good hair (a challenge with menopausal thinning) and clothes that suit me (try getting your colours done as wearingthe wrong ones can really impact your look), exercising and drinking plenty of water.

But honestly the most beautiful thing you can do is smile and be happy. Beauty radiates from the inside. I notice I (and everyone else) look best in impromptu photos where I am smiling or laughing.

Being grateful for health and family (or whatever you value) is a good start.

Hope you can turn how you feel around as 30+ years is a long time to feel like this.

Looks change as we age. I know not why we regard this as deterioration ... it is not. It is just age-approprate change.

We would not expect a teenager to look like a baby. They have changed.

It seems that society pumps for an age (?late 20s or early 30s) and decides this is how we should look forever in order to ha e any personal worth. It is total bollocks. And charlatans are making filortunes off the back of this falsehood.

I worked as a photographer for many years and my most stunning photo is of a woman in her 80s. Her character and life experience shine through.

Be proud of who you are. Engage with life, do things you enjoy, care about others, act in the interests of your health where this is needed .. but do not run yourself down for simply being who you are at your current stage of life. If you are doing this in your 40s, things will only get worse as time goes by!

Yep, aging is horrible.

I have as many tweaks as I can to cling on but you can only do so much. Last week a market researcher asked how old I was. I'm 52. She seemed surprised and said she'd thought I was about 40.

I was gracious and pretended it was the compliment she intended it to be. Inside I couldn't be happy with the thought that I look 40 though. All that money I spend and all I can achieve is to look a bit less middle aged than I am......

Can only help with some issues, surely? Most peoples' faces suffer the effects of gravity.

No but the op seemed depressed about the palour of her skin, describing it as grey. I'm sure it looks nowhere near as bad as she thinks but exercises sweating etc will all help with that. And also having a it of muscle makes you feel less grumpy for some reason. Plus weightliftings good for future strength and feeling "inside" your own body.

Yes, good points all.

https://tropicskincare.com/products/sun-drops-gradual-tanning-facial-serum

I've been using this - really helps with the just-been-dug-up grey face - people keep asking me if I've been on holiday!

I saw this recommended on MN and it's great!

Otherwise I got nothing. Solidarity to my uggers sisters.

I don’t really care what others think, it’s more how I feel about myself. And it’s not about looking like I did when I was 20. I still criticised myself then 😅
It’s probably a self esteem issue and not having the style sense to be able to dress or present myself in a way that makes me feel my best.

These posts make me so sad. Perhaps if I had been a raving beauty when young I’d feel worse about aging though. I was attractive looking back, but nothing special and hated my nose (still do!). However I’m in my 70s, still fairly fit and can play games with my gc. I’m blessed with a nice DH, lovely children and gc. I have friends the same age who are very unwell or have died. 40 is very young to me and to feel so down about yourself is horrible and makes me wonder what else is causing you to be so unhappy.

Hi OP I sort of do the opposite of this. I tell myself I am 5x better looking than I actually am so that I don't think about ageing/ feeling I look rough etc. I do still try with getting enough sleep, not eating too much sugar (doesn't always work) and make up when I am meeting people but I try not to think about how I look and just concentrate on being as good a person as possible and having as much fun as possible to take any thoughts away from this. I think we could possibly all go insane if we spent too long worrying about how we looked / how we are ageing.

I empathise. I'm surprised at how old and ugly I look in the mirror. I have low self esteem anyway so it does get me down. But I'm not interested in cosmetic surgery or Botox and I do just feel grateful to be relatively healthy. When loved ones die too young it does put things in perspective.

You’re only 40, so I doubt you’re looking too haggard at this stage.

Lose weight, that’s an easy fix. Have some Botox. There’s nothing like it to freshen you up and no amount of diet or cream will give the same effect. I have it only every 9 months or so, if that, so it’s not a big cost over a year.

I managed to maintain looks to a certain extent (early 40s, but usually pass for early 30s unless after a sleepless night). It started costing absolutely ridiculous amount of maintenance money though (and military grade discipline re skincare and exercise), so I really question now whether my vanity is worth it.

This is soooo true. I am in my 50s and look at pictures of me in my early 40s snd think I look lovely. I did not at the time.
Losing weight is a bit of a double.Edge sword, if you care about your looks.Because fat don't crack!
My wrinkles are so much more defined. I try very hard not to care.

"aging is horrible."

I'm sixty and disagree with this. The wisdom, peace and confidence aging can bring are something I wouldn't swap for an unlined face.

Aging is also 100% better than dying young. I would give anything to see my best friend's 60 year old face but she died of a heart attack aged 30.

I’m 46 and feel brilliant! Daily yoga keeps you strong and flexible, I also find it regulates appetite and sleep. Good cut and colour, good light makeup with lots of nourishing skincare, light Botox. Yoga helps posture too so you stop that hunching that can happen.

I love having more money and more time which also comes with age.

You are soooo young! Make small tweaks and stack them!