How to cope with getting ugly

[doggirl4]

Im nearly 40, over the past few years I’ve really noticed my looks going. I’ve never been a stunner but I was fairly attractive when younger. Now I can see myself fading and it’s things I can’t do a lot about (without cosmetic surgery) like my face really sagging and deep wrinkles. My skin tone always looks grey, my hair has always been shit but is now even thinner and flatter. I have no sense of style and hate seeing photos of myself. I’m about 11 stone so a bit overweight but not massively so for my height.

I know this is ageing but I feel really sad about it. I don’t want to sound shallow I just want to feel happy and confident in my own skin. Has anyone else felt like this?

I mean sure, but also I hate this idea that if you want to look nice you're clearly a vapid person who can't simply float above it all. Ageing is a privilege etc etc but you don't have to look it!!!

I am 37 and I look alright but I did come across a photo of me at 25 and burst into tears! (We can blame PMT a bit for this).

I bought a Tymo hot brush which is great for making your hair look much tidier without a lot of effort, like a good blow dry. And if you search on instagram/tiktok there are lots of videos of how to use hot brushes.

Skin-wise are you using retinol? I use Skin+Me which is prescription tretinoin and it made SUCH a difference to my skin. It's good for brightness etc and fine lines. My skin looks so much better. I've also started taking biotin but we'll see on that one.

I am really bad with style, I think you just have to look around at looks you like and basically just recreate them. Let someone else do the thinking and just copy it.

I have spent most of my life hating my appearance. I just wanted to be pretty from a very young age and knew I wasn't.

Honestly, I got to 40 and all that just fell away. My hair was the bane of my mother's life when I was a child (thick and coarse, like hers, which she hated), but I have learnt to love it. At 52, it's half way down my back and I celebrate it instead of trying to make it into what it isn't and never will be (sleek, smooth, shiny, poker-straight). I know some people think I would be 'better' with shorter hair, but I love how it feels and how having it makes me feel. Plus, it distracts from the awful square jaw I was lumbered with.

It's awful to dislike what you see in the mirror. I lived with that for so long, but I can understand how hard it must be if it's a relatively new sensation to you. I'd say my biggest problem was wanting to look like somebody else I was never going to look like. For you, that 'somebody else' is your younger self. Combating that feeling of comparison is half the battle. You don't have to love the face you've got, I'll never manage that, but you can accept it. I imagine, not that I'd know, that if you once had reasonable looks and feel you haven't now, because of the aging process, then there's a sense of grief/loss you need to work through.

I hope some of the suggestions about brightening up skin, etc, from PPS have helped you to start your journey towards, if not loving, at least tolerating what you see, and looking after it to keep it healthy. For me, learning to finally love one aspect of my appearance for what it was helped no end, and I enjoy my haircare routine. You might find a skincare routine that brightens that 'grey' look has the same effect for you.

It really is all in the mind. I think I look OK? I mean I don't, but I have ceased caring what others think. I am 60. I don't colour my hair, or wear make up. I don't do tret because I like getting some sun, and couldn't be bothered with high SpF. I go out walking and gardening and getting fresh air. I wear good quality basic clothes, but am not fashionable. I wear bikinis on holidays, and am a bit fat.

Hoorah!

More expensive clothes, make up and hair products are the answer. I didn't believe (or want to believe it) until recently. Also remember that no one stands as close to you as a mirror does so check yourself out from at least a foot away.

Just found this post and really relate to it.

Similar age to you and am in poor health so I feel like I've aged even quicker than I might have otherwise, yet I somehow still seem to get threated as if I'm young (as in immature, presumably, and incompetent, not as in I look good!). Feels like I have the worst of both worlds. I've put on a LOT of weight, most annoyingly on my face, my hair has gone shit, I have terrible permanent bags under my eyes
... Etc etc. And I can't lose that weight because my health doesn't allow me to really exercise.

Any time I try dressing up now, it highlights all the problems - my arms and waist are too fat to fit into most clothes - rather than making me feel good. I don't know which about make-up, and I'm damned if I know how to find concealer that actually matches the shade of my face (which bit?!), so make-up seems to make me look worse rather than better.

I've also lost that sense of strength and competence in my body that I had when I was more mobile and spending my weekends out climbing and hiking.

I've realised the thing that's probably quietly making a significant difference is that I'm stressed to to my eyeballs, not getting enough sleep ever, and not spending much time outside.

So I guess the one thing I can do, as the days get longer, is lie in a meadow.

I don't have a magic answer. But god, it took becoming chronically ill to really realise that the important thing is what your body cando, not what it looks like.

Nose shaped like a willy made me laugh. Thanks for that 😂

Have a skincare routine that is about looking after yourself and not trying to look different. Moisturising rather than anti - wrinkle.
Wear clothes that you feel good in and flatter your shape. Wear things you love that make you happy when you put them on.
Say positive things to yourself when you look in the mirror and smile at yourself. Focus on the things that look good about you. Do not look at the things you think are flaws and make you feel bad about yourself.