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AIBU?

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Original poster

To cancel holiday with friend after what I found out?

355 replies

BrainyKraken · 04/03/2026 23:43

My DS is 14 and I'm a single mum, I have a close friend and he has a DD the same age. Her mum passed away when she was younger so i’d like to think I'm a good female role model. The DC get along well and we go on holiday all together once or twice a year.

A few weeks ago in the wash there was a piece of condom wrapper that had been washed, I asked DS and straight away I got “it isn't mine” I told him it isn't mine either and it can't be the cats and he then admitted it was his but he wasn't having sex with anyone he got them from school in a sex ed class. I believed him and I think I still do

However the thing that changes things is I found out yesterday that he is dating my friends DD, I found out by accident when looking through his phone I saw messages come through which suggested they were more than friends and DS confirmed it. We had a holiday planned at easter with them and I've told DS we cant go now and he got quite annoyed and said this is why he didn't want me to know because now they won't be treated normally. He's told me not to tell her dad, I told him I feel like he should know especially as he will want to know to reason for cancelling

WWYD? Cancel? If so tell friend the truth or? Any advice appreciated

OP posts:
notgettinganyyounger · 04/03/2026 23:47

I would go on the holiday.

Keep a close eye on the dc.

Ohgoonthenanotheronefortheroad · 04/03/2026 23:50

Yes, as above. I would go but keep an eye on things.

Bristolandlazy · 04/03/2026 23:51

I would go, chaperone them. These are all natural feelings at their age. Being a teenager is tough. Have fun , keep an eye on them.

Also condoms don't equal sex, I'm sure boys practise, are curious etc. I can remember reading the Tampax leaflet and being horrified/ fascinated by the diagram of how to insert them. We tell young people to use condoms, not fair to penalise them for using them.

IdaGlossop · 04/03/2026 23:53

Why would you cancel? I would want DS not to be so secretive. I would also ask him to ask the DD to tell her dad, saying that if she didn't, I would tell him myself. Have you agreed with him that you will look through his phone?

NotnowMildrid · 04/03/2026 23:55

Go.
Keep an eye on them.
Have a lovely time.

OhWhatABeautifulDay · 04/03/2026 23:56

I believed him and I think I still do

He lied to you about it not being his. But now you belive him that he isn't having sex with anyone?!

Two fourteen year olds having sex is a very serious matter, OP. You are minimising this. There are very serious legal ramifications.

Going on holiday is not the issue here. You need to face this. He could be prosecuted.

PinkLemonadee · 04/03/2026 23:56

If they're going to be having sex it's better that they're being safe and in a safe place. You obviously shouldn't encourage it and should have a frank talk with him about consent and waiting until he's older because of the potential legal, physical and emotional risks.

LadyMinerva · 04/03/2026 23:56

Cancelling the holiday is a bit of an overreaction. And you have responded in the exact way he thought you would. Is it surprising that they have become close when their parents have had them spending so much time together?

This is an excellent moment make sure your son is all across safe sex, consent, trust etc. I know he is only 14 but that's the age when hormones and curiosity explode together. He's going to do it anyway whether you like it or not so all you can do is make sure they are safe and educated.

RogueFemale · 04/03/2026 23:58

BrainyKraken · 04/03/2026 23:43

My DS is 14 and I'm a single mum, I have a close friend and he has a DD the same age. Her mum passed away when she was younger so i’d like to think I'm a good female role model. The DC get along well and we go on holiday all together once or twice a year.

A few weeks ago in the wash there was a piece of condom wrapper that had been washed, I asked DS and straight away I got “it isn't mine” I told him it isn't mine either and it can't be the cats and he then admitted it was his but he wasn't having sex with anyone he got them from school in a sex ed class. I believed him and I think I still do

However the thing that changes things is I found out yesterday that he is dating my friends DD, I found out by accident when looking through his phone I saw messages come through which suggested they were more than friends and DS confirmed it. We had a holiday planned at easter with them and I've told DS we cant go now and he got quite annoyed and said this is why he didn't want me to know because now they won't be treated normally. He's told me not to tell her dad, I told him I feel like he should know especially as he will want to know to reason for cancelling

WWYD? Cancel? If so tell friend the truth or? Any advice appreciated

Are you saying it's forbidden for your 14 yo son to date your friend's 14 yo daughter?

If so, why? They're the same age and in a safe environment?

If it's about the condom wrapper, well, - assume you're not banning condoms as that would be counter productive.

You're also snooping in your son's phone, which isn't ideal.

AltitudeCheck · 05/03/2026 00:00

You didn't find out by accident, you went looking!

Seems an over reaction to cancel a holiday just because the kids are bf/ gf. Presumably they are supervised, with you and her dad on the holiday, not like they have their own room and lots of opportunities for sex? There's no way I'd have been risking sex with both parents in the vicinity!!

Yes I think dad needs to know, unfair if he's the only one who doesn't, but can't see why it's a big deal?

OhWhatABeautifulDay · 05/03/2026 00:02

Two children are having sex with each other.

Why can't you all see that this is wrong?!

RawBloomers · 05/03/2026 00:04

Generally agree with going on the holiday but keeping an eye on them, though there may be some caveats to that advice.

Regardless, I would also tell your friend. He needs to know his DD is dating, and who.

OhWhatABeautifulDay · 05/03/2026 00:07

RawBloomers · 05/03/2026 00:04

Generally agree with going on the holiday but keeping an eye on them, though there may be some caveats to that advice.

Regardless, I would also tell your friend. He needs to know his DD is dating, and who.

I'm guessing that when he finds out his 14 year old daughter is sleeping with the OP's son, the holiday might be off...

OhWhatABeautifulDay · 05/03/2026 00:08

He's told me not to tell her dad

I bet he has

BlackRowan · 05/03/2026 00:08

OhWhatABeautifulDay · 05/03/2026 00:02

Two children are having sex with each other.

Why can't you all see that this is wrong?!

Are you American or something?

Original poster
BrainyKraken · 05/03/2026 00:09

I didn't go looking. They popped up as notifications. It's normal to check your teens phones, not sure why this thread has attracted the “cool” crowd as on other threads posters are flamed for not checking

We will all be sharing accommodation so my worry is sneaking into each others rooms as we can't supervise 24/7.

OP posts:
OhWhatABeautifulDay · 05/03/2026 00:10

BlackRowan · 05/03/2026 00:08

Are you American or something?

Show quote history

Sorry, what?

OneNewEagle · 05/03/2026 00:10

Of course you tell your friend the dad.

the kids having sex is not ok.

INeedAnotherName · 05/03/2026 00:11

RogueFemale · 04/03/2026 23:58

Are you saying it's forbidden for your 14 yo son to date your friend's 14 yo daughter?

If so, why? They're the same age and in a safe environment?

If it's about the condom wrapper, well, - assume you're not banning condoms as that would be counter productive.

You're also snooping in your son's phone, which isn't ideal.

Show quote history

You're also snooping in your son's phone, which isn't ideal.

Parents are supposed to check their children's phones. The parents who don't are the reason why governments are bringing in under 16yr bans 🙄

OP - tell your friend that the kids are dating as he might want to cancel the holiday to protect his DD. And I agree with pp, the children are having sex and you need to deal with that properly.

QuinqueremeofNiveneh · 05/03/2026 00:13

What's the issue, @BrainyKraken? Why do you feel that you need to cancel the holiday?

Franjipanl8r · 05/03/2026 00:19

Just tell the dad everything you’ve written here and make a decision together about the holiday.

No need to keep secrets if no one’s done anything wrong and no need to make decisions about the holiday by yourself.

It’s better to model honesty and openness rather than secrecy and shame.

MeganM3 · 05/03/2026 00:19

At that age I remember getting condoms in PHSE we were learning how to put them on a banana. & all about safe sex. Some of my classmates took some of the condoms at the end of the lesson. So he could well be telling the truth about that.
Why cancel the holiday? I don’t see any reason to. They won’t be sharing a bed, will they. You could let the girl’s parents know they’re possibly seeing eachother and let them keep an eye out too. But at that age they’re still pretty childlike. What’s the harm in letting them spend a nice few days together, under your watchful eye.

nam3c4ang3 · 05/03/2026 00:21

Total knee jerk reaction from you - he will just hide better now. Why not have a chat and try and see if you can come to a compromise about not having sex until obvs the right time - he’s very very young and it’s illegal - you trust your son don’t you?

OhWhatABeautifulDay · 05/03/2026 00:23

nam3c4ang3 · 05/03/2026 00:21

Total knee jerk reaction from you - he will just hide better now. Why not have a chat and try and see if you can come to a compromise about not having sex until obvs the right time - he’s very very young and it’s illegal - you trust your son don’t you?

Edited

Why should she trust him? He lied about it not being his condom.

MissApplejack · 05/03/2026 00:25

OhWhatABeautifulDay · 04/03/2026 23:56

I believed him and I think I still do

He lied to you about it not being his. But now you belive him that he isn't having sex with anyone?!

Two fourteen year olds having sex is a very serious matter, OP. You are minimising this. There are very serious legal ramifications.

Going on holiday is not the issue here. You need to face this. He could be prosecuted.

Prosecuted? Not sure how true that is