To cancel holiday with friend after what I found out?

[BrainyKraken]

My DS is 14 and I'm a single mum, I have a close friend and he has a DD the same age. Her mum passed away when she was younger so i’d like to think I'm a good female role model. The DC get along well and we go on holiday all together once or twice a year.

A few weeks ago in the wash there was a piece of condom wrapper that had been washed, I asked DS and straight away I got “it isn't mine” I told him it isn't mine either and it can't be the cats and he then admitted it was his but he wasn't having sex with anyone he got them from school in a sex ed class. I believed him and I think I still do

However the thing that changes things is I found out yesterday that he is dating my friends DD, I found out by accident when looking through his phone I saw messages come through which suggested they were more than friends and DS confirmed it. We had a holiday planned at easter with them and I've told DS we cant go now and he got quite annoyed and said this is why he didn't want me to know because now they won't be treated normally. He's told me not to tell her dad, I told him I feel like he should know especially as he will want to know to reason for cancelling

WWYD? Cancel? If so tell friend the truth or? Any advice appreciated

Again you are making stuff and basing on your feelings
You have now decided despite no evidence
That he is coercing her into sex and she's going to feel pressure to have sex on holiday
And once they hsve sex hes going to reject her.

I didn't say it was a good Idea. But it's reality. One girl at my school got pregnant at 14 and had to leave (back in the dark ages). And there was a guy two years above me who would sleep with pretty much anyone -he was sexually active at 13 -he was a pest and got no better with age.

Some teens will have sex underage. Pretty sure one of my friends did. She was 14 when she started dating her first bf but she never spoke about it.

That isn't embarrassing but it is outrageous.

Why the fuck would you let a young person be scared of the police?

What if they were attacked, you would make them scared that they were in trouble.

Using a threat of police action is serious poor parenting.

Really totally missing the point. A 14yo is capable of understanding that if this is the law that means their natural desire to shag each other is not something that should lead to actual shagging because neither of them.is old enough or mature enough to make such a decision.

@FloofBunny your posts are actually concerning, I actually feel a bit ill at the detail you feel you need to go into, there are known trolls on here into that sort of thing.

It might be 26 years ago when I was 14 but I can honestly say I knew a ton of people having sex at this point, nobody got pregnant. They're going to do it anyway regardless of whether it's 'allowed' or not, and neither of them are getting interviewed by the police, put on the SOR, or thrown in jail. The country has more important things to devote resources to.

Stop harassing me. You are following my every post and replying to them all saying I'm making things up. I'm stating my opinions and what I believe to be the likeliest scenarios, which I have every right to do. Stop tailing me. Are you really so tragic that you have nothing better to do than send a bullying reply to every post that someone writes? Go and latch on to someone else and leave me alone.

The point i was making they its not rape its sexual activity with a child which both of them are guilty off

Im not sure why some posters seem to think the law only applies to the boy

Its a forum thats how it works
Just because I dont agree with your made up stories doesnt mean im harassing you.

Sorry you feel ill. Maybe go to a doctor?

It's my experience that when you say PIV is much better for men than women, you get a flurry of denials.

I talked good sense, as another poster pointed out.

Go and bully someone else.

You tail every one of my posts, which are opinions based on common sense and life experience, with "you are making things up." And you just did it again, calling my opinions made-up stories. I get it, you think opinions are making things up. You can get off my back now. Go and be spiteful to someone else.

@CactusSwoonedEnding the law isn't there to teach teenagers when it is appropriate to have sex, it is there to stop them being abused and exploited by adults.

Sex is normal, natural etc but it can come with big consequences. You don't wake up at 16 and are suddenly ready, equally there will be some teenagers who are mature sooner. The desire to experiment sexually will start with puberty and 14 is a normal time for that to happen.

I would ideally not want my 14 year-old having sex because of the risks it carries, however if they have made their own mind up there isn't much you can do. I don't want to shame my children away from having happy and healthy adult sex lives because I was too draconian in their adolescence

I started "doing stuff" with boys at around 14, didn't have full sex till 15 I enjoyed it and I don't look back with heartbreak and regret.

Why on earth would you cancel, they are allowed to date, he was right not telling you due to your reaction, he isn’t doing something wrong in dating her,

you don’t know if they are having under age sex, findin a condom wrapper doesn’t mean they are, irrespective of the hysteria on here.

I mean if you reread your posts you have written a whole story about how this 14 year old boy is some kind of coercive sex pest preying on this innocent girl
And once he has his way with her hes going to reject her
and thats not making stuff up?

You're enjoying this, aren't you? I'm not falling for it. You'll have to find someone else to take your issues out on. Have a great day!

If you feel my posts are concerning, I'd recommend reporting them. Apparently, they - multiple - are making you feel ill. In that case, you should definitely report each of those posts.

You are reading too much into a brief domestic interaction, and crediting my DD and her friend with far less intelligence than they have. You'd need to be pretty stupid to think that you, not your attacker, were in the wrong if you were attacked.

So you claim you're being harassed and bullied on this thread but then you come back and quote me for a second time without me responding. I completely agree with the other poster in that you are making up scenarios. I was the girl in question at one point in my life, albeit with a 17 year old partner - I wasn't coerced or forced into anything, we had a really loving and gently relationship and some very fun times in the bedroom, I have absolutely zero regrets.

The detailed account of teenage sex and phrases such as 'pulling the monkey' are gratuitous and unnecessary. You seem to be getting some sort of sick pleasure in making up these unfounded scenarios

Completely agree with you, those posts and the level of detail are really quite concerning. But apparently we're the ones enjoying it...

Her son is a child, she has parental responsibility - she should absolutely be looking at his phone if she is concerned.

Of course you agree with the other thread bully! 😄

If you are so concerned by my posts, you should report them.

Sick pleasure for pointing out that under-age girls can be coerced into sex and can feel very low if they're rejected afterwards?

You're crazy.

As for my other post, one poster said that it was all true and a useful script for mothers to have a conversation with their children about.

But anyway, since you and the other stalker seem to think that I'm "making up stories" - and also getting pleasure from it, you pair of absolute weirdos - upthread I posted a link to research on early sex, defined as 14 or under, showing that girls are significantly more likely than boys to experience depression after early sex. There are also many other studies proving the likelihood of negative outcomes of such for girls. But I'm making all this up for pleasure? Insane.

Perhaps you and your thread-bully mate would like to write to the study authors and accuse them of making things up and being concerning and all sorts of other things? You say that having under-age sex with an older person who was of age was all fine and dandy for you, but your defensiveness indicates that it wasn't.

I find yours and his/hers dismissal of the proven negative effects on girls of early sex to be very disturbing.

Rude. What does being an American have to do with anything?

@FloofBunny it's not bullying to be concerned about your posts which are gratuitously detailed around the situation. There's nothing to suggest that at any point in the OP's situation there has been any coercion, or that her son is about to suddenly drop the girl now that he's 'got what he wanted'. I'm sorry that you've clearly had bad experience with men and it's clouding the advice you are giving but if I were you I'd step away from the thread given that you seem to lack any resilience by claiming bullying/harassment during a reasoned discussion.

Also, if my mother had used your original text as a conversation with me at 14, not only would I have died of embarrassment in terms of how descriptive it was, I probably would never have had sex or a relationship as it would put me off men/boys for life.

Oh and I'm fairly sure sex CAN be just as pleasurable for women as for men.

Re. your last point, I specifically said that exact same thing in the post you so object to. That it CAN be good for both, but between adults, not usually when it's under-age kids. But why let the written facts get in the way of a good diss?

I'm not replying to your other silly criticism. You've made yourself clear, and I've been clear that you should report any posts that you feel are gratuitous and that you find "concerning" and that make you feel "ill". You sound a bit delicate tbh, speaking of lack of resilience.

@FloofBunny Oh believe me I'm far from delicate, I just don't get my kicks thinking of teenage sex and discussing it in graphic detail..

You've said - repeatedly - that sex is always better for males. I enjoyed my teenage sex life immensely, but I bet you won't believe that either.

I won't be replying to you any further so you can go back to replying to yourself and your own made up situations