To think this is really mean spirited and she can afford it?

[Sleeverr]

Sister is a single parent and pleading poverty to the extent she can’t bring herself and DD to a trip in the uk for a week in summer. We’ve booked somewhere that’s around 4K for two weeks for the four of us and she initially said she’d find somewhere nearby for her and DD for one week.

our kids are very excited for my niece to join us. Sister now saying she can’t afford it. She has over 1k a month in maintenance and a well paid job of 60k. There’s no debt and I can say that with confidence as she’s very open about that kind of thing! I don’t know how much she has in premium bonds but it’s something as again she will mention a win every so often.

I get the sense she’s hoping someone like my parents might contribute but they won’t towards a holiday. We’ve sent options of 1,200 for the week and she just says she can’t. AIBU to feel this is really shit of her? Letting our kids down and her DD too who probably won’t even have a holiday at all now

Sleeverr
Your sister doesn't want to go on holiday with you
And perhaps like you've said doesn't want to spend her own money on something she's not keen on anyway

Waiting for the drip feed where DN is actually about 15 and OPs kids are under 5s…

You’re being really unfair. You’re making it sound like she’s loaded. She has a monthly income of less than £5000 for all her rent / mortgage, bills etc. My husband and I get slightly more than that and we wouldn’t be able to afford to spend £1.2k on a week in the UK! She’d need a lot of spending money on top of that too. I think you need a reality check.

Same here.

So now you know. Don't expect her and her dc to come on holiday with you unless you are prepared to pay. That's how it is, no need to call someone mean-spirited for changing their mind over a holiday when that change of mind costs you nothing at all.

I can't get over someone spending £4k for accomodation in the UK for two weeks tbh.

We're going to Spain for a week in May and DLP for 4 days the week before Xmas...for 5...and our accomodation and travel total for both is the same per head!

I’d not take offence. I’d assume she said she’d come for 1 week before looking at prices and now looked realised how expensive it is for something she’s not that bothered about. £1200 for just accommodation for a week in uk seems expensive to me. On top of accommodation there’s eating out, day trips/activities and travel costs.

You can't just demand someone else spends £1,200. She has the right to decide how to spend her money.

Haven’t RTFT, but can’t they stay in your luxury house for the week and treat you all to a nice meal out or a day out as a thank you?

I earn same as her, no debt except mortgage, single parent and I’m struggling to afford a short break with my children (I have £300 budget!)

Don’t underestimate the pressure she will feel going away for a week with a much better off two parent family. All the “let’s grab a coffee and cake/lunch/have a day out at a theme park..” it all adds up so so quickly and is horrible if you end up in over your head with people who don’t believe you can’t afford it, and who wouldn’t think twice about splashing some cash because they’re on holiday.

As someone who very suddenly became a lone parent, as in other parent died so just down to me, I think you are are totally unreasonable. The costs compared to being split between a couple are significant. The world is not set up for single people. Also I had to pay huge amounts for after school and holiday clubs.

exactly this

I think 60K is one of those salaries where you lose child benefit, she won’t get any universal credit or help with school costs. So to run a household on one income would be manageable but she likely isn’t loaded. Probably worse off than some on UC. Do you mean 4K split between 2 families so she would need to pay 2K? That would be a lot for us & you can’t just assume she wants to spend that amount. There will be extra costs. Even fish & chips for her & DD would be £20.

You have no idea so back off.

Sister is a single parent and pleading poverty to the extent she can’t bring herself and DD to a trip in the uk for a week in summer.

You don't have to be in poverty to be unable to afford a week-long UK holiday (especially a specific week and specific location) in the summer!! Most likely she severely underestimated the cost (which has skyrocketed post-COVID and lost all touchpoints with actual value) or she has had an unexpected expense and limited reserves to cover it. "Mean-spirited" is pretty far down the list of ways I'd think to describe her stand, but if you're bothered enough to post here about it, why not just ask her what has changed since she initially said she could come?

Having your niece join you in your larger rental for the week if there's room for her to squeeze in with her cousins sounds like a good idea and should defray a lot of their disappointment.

Who would be staying in the house?

You, your DC, her and her DC. Who else?

£1,200 is silly money just for one week away! Yabu you don’t get to demand that she spends her money, she’s obviously struggling if your parents gift her large sums.

Lots of people saying it's a lot of money for a week in the UK... it depends on where you're going and what you get for that money. £4K for 4 people is a lot, but if you're going somewhere nice and the property is decent, then it's really not.

We've got a 'holiday let' in North Norfolk. It sleeps 6 (+2) and is nearly £6K for two weeks in the Summer. But it's in a 'nice' village area, off-road parking (which is unusual in the area), has a huge south-facing garden, allows dogs, well-equipped etc, has views of the Norfolk salt-marshes which it actually backs onto and you can access from the garden, and is routinely upgraded.

So yes, it is expensive but you get a lot for it. And not everyone wants to go overseas - I certainly don't, not with a partner who works in the aviation industry. His stories have put me off flying for life.

That being said, OP sounds judgmental about her sisters finances, and doesn't get a say on how she spends her money.

Yes we spent 4K but its for a luxury house for two weeks and two days and will be our only holiday this year.

Yet, you couldn’t have included your sister and her child and split the cost with her for the week she and your niece could be there?

Surely, you’re going to be out more than in?

I wouldn’t expect my sister to spend that much money for a holiday and my sister and I aren’t even close. If she tells me she can’t afford something, I accept it and move on.

Since you chose a luxury house, I’m wondering if the offers you sent her were of similar homes in the area since you have decided what she should be able to spend her money on.

This
You don't know exactly how much she has left/her expenditures - she's told you she can't afford it.
It's also shitty of you to pull the "you're letting your kids down" emotional guilt trip card (I hope this is just you ranting on MN and haven't actually said that to her)

Could you offer to just take your niece ?

Ask yourself then, why do you think she’s done it?

And honestly I think you are being completely OTT about the impact on your kids- sounds like they will have a lovely long holiday with their grandparents in a very nice place. Just say “Yes aunty Anna and the cousins can’t make it this time but of course we’ll see them another time so that’s all good.” I bet they don’t give it a second thought.

And TBH you do sound a bit out of touch and inflexible. Could it be that she doesn’t appreciate your “my way or the highway” attitude?

In any event I would stop pressuring her, accept her decision and maybe try to see her for a meal or a walk or something on neutral territory (maybe your parents’ place).

Oh and for 4K I got a week for 8 people in a lovely villa in France with ferries, a private pool and at least 27 degrees guaranteed last summer. Even if I could afford it I wouldn’t spend that money in the UK as you can’t be sure of the weather and TBH being in a “luxury” place in a steady drizzle isn’t something I’d choose for my family.

You seem to be implying that she should just sell some premium bonds to afford this holiday that you want!

Judging by how you have responded to people here, I wonder if the original conversation went along the lines of

you: we are thinking of a holiday in the summer-we have decided you should come so my children can see yours. We will stay in a luxury nice place and you will stay nearby at your own expense. Don’t ask mum and dad, you should pay.
Her-oh right.

Your posts are very judgemental of her. She doesn’t want to come (if she ever did), and that’s fine. Times are tough and you don’t get to spend someone else’s income on things you’d like them to do.

If you really wanted them to come on holiday, I’d have found a different luxury holiday place for £4000 with one more bedroom that they could have joined you on.

We go abroad a lot and for 4k I can get an incredible holiday. As for the 6k for a house in Norfolk described below, I paid 5.4K for the three of us, last April, to go to Florida for a week and then a weeks cruise in the Caribbean!