To think this is really mean spirited and she can afford it?

[Sleeverr]

Sister is a single parent and pleading poverty to the extent she can’t bring herself and DD to a trip in the uk for a week in summer. We’ve booked somewhere that’s around 4K for two weeks for the four of us and she initially said she’d find somewhere nearby for her and DD for one week.

our kids are very excited for my niece to join us. Sister now saying she can’t afford it. She has over 1k a month in maintenance and a well paid job of 60k. There’s no debt and I can say that with confidence as she’s very open about that kind of thing! I don’t know how much she has in premium bonds but it’s something as again she will mention a win every so often.

I get the sense she’s hoping someone like my parents might contribute but they won’t towards a holiday. We’ve sent options of 1,200 for the week and she just says she can’t. AIBU to feel this is really shit of her? Letting our kids down and her DD too who probably won’t even have a holiday at all now

I did once pay £1600 for a week in a lovely house in Devon with a hot tub (in fact it was just Mon- Fri 😳), but a) it was August 2020 so we couldn’t go on our planned tripped abroad) and b) it pissed it down all week and we said we’d never do it again.

😂

I assume it was for a house that could accommodate more than 2 people though, as that is what the OP is proposing her sister hires for a similar price.

I have enjoyed hiring places with hot tubs but fortunately had good weather

Yes, it was for 5 of us! I still massively winced at the price 😬

I can theoretically spend my money on many things. The money is in my bank account. However, I count them as unaffordable because I am take my financial health seriously. I value my savings. I prioritize my discretionary spending and that means that many things end up as “not in the budget”.

I prefer that specific phrase because it is accurate. If people choose to interpret it as financial distress that is their personal bias.

If my partners family asked us on a trip I would say we couldn’t possibly afford it 🤣 she doesn’t want to go OP.

£1200 for a week's holiday in the UK IS expensive though. Maybe she thinks it's a waste of money when she could probably take one kid on a holiday abroad for that much. Just because you think she can afford it doesn't mean she thinks it's worth it. You don't know all her finances maybe she's saving for something. You don't get to decide how she spends her income

Bit she apparently said she would.

Everyone's focussing on the cash, ignoring that she said she would go and has now renegged.

The issue everyone is ignoring is that she agreed to go and is now backing out

So what? She's allowed to change her mind.

It doesn't work for her and her daughter.

Not ignoring it. It’s not ideal but can you honestly say that you’ve never agreed to something in principle (maybe got caught up in the moment) then gone away and thought about it and realised actually it’s not really doable? I definitely have.
I was talking to some friends about a spa weekend recently. I said ‘yes I’m in, sounds fab’, then realised that what they were looking at was going to cost approx £600 and I pulled out because it doesn’t align with my current financial priorities. These things happen, and most people just say ‘that’s a shame, maybe next time’ and move on.

But its not an issue... it wasn't booked, the OP isn't out financially, it's months away.

People are allowed to change their mind after thinking about something or after receiving the full cost details.

My understanding is that OP was booking the holiday for her family and would have booked that accommodation at that price regardless of what her sister said.

Her sister not going has not affected her financially or caused any problems other than her children are disappointed.

The sister said she would come for one week and stay locally. Maybe she looked for something locally but can't find anything in her budget. What is she supposed to do?

I have sometimes thought things sounded a great idea until I investigated the costs and the logistics and had to change my mind.

It’s not her job to arrange her holiday to make your kids happy.

Maybe she didn’t realise the cost of available accommodation and although it might be well priced for the area, she might prefer to spend her £1k plus on costs on a different holiday.

Fair enough, you’re disappointed, but don’t let it cause a row or rift.

A single parent on £60k is like 2 on £30k, and only 20% higher than NMW. And if she has student loan that will be deducted and two salaries get two thresholds before repayment is taken - so she pays an higher % of her salary than if it was from two salaries , etc. If I was a single parent I would want to be doubly cautious about spending because there is no partner in work if my job goes.

Some people are more cautious or feel more vulnerable about spending. It doesn’t mean she is ‘mean minded’

Backing out implies she had booked someone or made some other commitment to it. Saying, ‘that sounds nice’ or ‘that could be good’ and then later finding out it’s going to cost £1200 and not wanting to spunk that much money, is ok.

Not ignoring, taking into context that OP isn’t out of money since she already booked the holiday and specifically chose a luxury home for two weeks anyway and her sister was only coming for a week.

OP expected her sister to pay 1.2K for her and niece to come and stay locally because OP obviously thinks her sister has more than enough money to afford it regardless of if is actually sensible for her sister to do so.

OP could have even had her sister and niece potentially stay for the week and her sister pay towards that vs her spending 1.2K on accommodations alone for two people.

It’s disappointing yes, but making out as her sister is ‘mean’ and obligated to pay that for her and her daughter is ridiculous on a holiday that is months away. It’s not last minute cancellation nor is her sister preventing OP and her family from not going. OP’s reluctance to say what the ages of her children and her niece are is weird. Children will be disappointed sure but are they really going to be disappointed for months over not seeing their cousin in the summer and even so, OP shouldn’t have said sister and niece were coming until something was actually booked. OP chose the place, chose her family’s accommodations and then sent accommodations near her to her sister and expected her to easily say yes because again, OP assumes her sister can easily afford it and should spend money to make OP’s kids happy. As pp pointed out, OP chose to spend 1k per person for this luxury house yet never entertained the option of having her sister and niece stay with them if she wants her and her niece there that much if sister is telling her she cannot afford it.

There’s also the possibility, niece may want to do something else and the sister doesn’t want to spend money on a trip that is not only expensive but her daughter isn’t keen on.

The only mean-spirited person here is OP imo. The way OP talks about her sister is off-putting and makes me wonder if there is some weird sibling competition or rivalry going on or something.

She's allowed to change her mind though. It's not as if her decision has financially impacted the OP. She can still go and enjoy her holiday it's not like the sister has cancelled it for everyone. Yes the kids may have liked the idea of going on a holiday with the aunt and cousin but surely OP can explain to her kids that the aunt isn't coming but the family can still enjoy their holiday

I’m going to take a wild guess and say that the niece is approx 14, and the OP’s children are around 6 and 4. The OP was hoping that the niece would babysit/entertain her kids for her while she relaxes.

When you believe someone has the money but they say they can't afford it this is usually because they have the money but it is allocated for other expenses.

I have savings and they stay as that. When I say I can't afford to go out for a meal or get a takeaway it's because I don't have that available from that month's/week's spending money.

The sister may agreed in theory to a holiday but when she realised how much it was realised it didn't fit the budget she allocated hence she can't afford it.

On the face if it her salary seems good but presumably she has outgoings that she alone has to fund so that extra £100 a month that a £1200 trip costs may simply not be there.

I have never agreed an holiday arrangement without knowing the cost, the OP's sister obviously of a similar mind, personally I think £1200 for a week in the UK is pure extortion- my partner and go as a couple and travel and accommodation is never more than £600.It sounds as if the OP arranged the accommodation, her idea of good value is way off in my view- it's quite possible her sister feels the same.