To think this is really mean spirited and she can afford it?

[Sleeverr]

Sister is a single parent and pleading poverty to the extent she can’t bring herself and DD to a trip in the uk for a week in summer. We’ve booked somewhere that’s around 4K for two weeks for the four of us and she initially said she’d find somewhere nearby for her and DD for one week.

our kids are very excited for my niece to join us. Sister now saying she can’t afford it. She has over 1k a month in maintenance and a well paid job of 60k. There’s no debt and I can say that with confidence as she’s very open about that kind of thing! I don’t know how much she has in premium bonds but it’s something as again she will mention a win every so often.

I get the sense she’s hoping someone like my parents might contribute but they won’t towards a holiday. We’ve sent options of 1,200 for the week and she just says she can’t. AIBU to feel this is really shit of her? Letting our kids down and her DD too who probably won’t even have a holiday at all now

Yeah but your not a single parent and dont know where her money goes, over a grand is VERY expensive and maybe she has other things that she needs to prioritise.

Maybe she can afford it but doesn’t necessarily want to afford it?

YANBU to be disappointed she can't come but YABU to be annoyed. It doesn't actually affect you really, you still have your own place to stay and don't need her to make it affordable. I agree that £1200 sounds expensive (is that for 1 or 2 weeks?). Sometimes you'd really like to do something then when it comes to it and the bills have added up you can't. £4k is extremely expensive by the way, so maybe she feels like she would be a pauper on holiday ij comparison whilst you boast about your 'luxury' house.

I notice that you haven't answered the question about the children's ages @Sleeverr . Could it be that the niece would actually prefer a holiday where her and her Mum have quality time together without another family encroaching on that ?
How about organising a seperate weekend trip where you can all get together instead, something a bit cheaper but also fun ?

Maybe your niece does not want to go and rather than say that which might hurt feelings she says she can't afford it. If not there is either a financial reason she does not want to share which is her perogative or she does not want to go for another reason that she doesnt want to or can't disclose.

£1200 just for accommodation for a week in the UK is nuts! No wonder she’s not interested.

To summarise, your sister has now said she can’t afford to holiday near you. Have you thought of asking her if anything has changed in her life? I suspect I’m not the only one who has enthusiastically nodded at the possibility of a family trip, to say, the Lake District knowing I’ll be on a plane somewhere else.

You could offer to take your niece with you if the children definitely want to spend time together.

I agree that it’s frustrating that your sister has backed out but she may be more financially stretched than you think.

Did she tell your kids or did you tell your kids? Is it possible there's just a bit of miscommunication here where she's responded positively saying she'd be open to it and would look into it, and you've taken it as something definitely happening?

I personally wouldn't drop that amount of money on a holiday planned around someone else's holiday to be honest.

You also don't know the arrangements that are in place, I get child maintenance but it's stipulated that it goes into long term savings for my child so I don't actually see all of that money. Housing is very expensive so as a single parent depending on where she lives surely she's dropping a lot on that per month. Is her child in wraparound childcare? That's a huge expense. Is her car fully paid off? Is she over paying on her mortgage or into her pension for example and is committed to doing that which as a single parent makes a lot of sense?

I think ultimately you are unreasonable to suggest you know the details of her finances when you can't really. There's plenty of people out there who are financially ok but cash poor.

Have you been a lone parent op? I am and honestly it's hugely worrying what I would do if I got sick and couldn't work etc for example. So if she's prioritising getting to a certain point of saving to give her a bit of security I completely understand why she's prioritising that over a £1.4k stay cation.

How old is her dd? Being a single parent on holiday is not always fun. I've brought mine away before but honestly I'm not sure if i will this year because it feels like much harder work because you're 'off' and supposed to be decompressing and have spent a fortune to do it, but not only are you doing all the same level of parenting your child is also now out of routine, not sleeping as early etc and I find on holiday I get much less down time than I do when we're in our routine. She may be thinking about what she has actual capacity for.

You are in a 2-parent family who can afford a £4000 luxury holiday…great.

Stop deciding how other people-especially single parent families-should spend their income!

I’m not quite sure why you are saying it’s mean spirited. I get the kids might be disappointed but it looks like she changed her mind whether for cost reasons or something else and that’s ok. You think she’s fine financially and maybe she is but it may be she doesn’t feel like she is which is something different. I personally wouldn’t spend that kind of money for a holiday in the uk, I’d prefer to go abroad even for a shorter time. Neither is a ‘better’ option, just a different choice. I suspect there’s a background here as otherwise I’m not sure why this is a big deal. I appreciate you may be disappointed as may the kids but it’s as big a deal as you make it. You could arrange other get togethers over the summer etc.

Gosh, £285/night is a lot of money for a UK holiday! I wouldn't want to pay that much unless the budget for a holiday had been agreed long in advance.

We are a dual income householding earning a few multiples of your sister's salary and we only paid £1300 for accommodation for 2 weeks in France. No chance would I drop £2000 on a holiday with a friend/family member.

YANBU if you agreed all costs before booking
YABU if you agreed to a holiday with her and then booked it before checking she was okay with the costs.

Why don't you offer to take her daughter with you for a week instead? It would be a bit of a rubbish holiday for her in the evenings, if the two of you plus kids are in one house and she's in a cheaper one nearby by herself in the evening while her daughter sleeps. I wouldn't want to go on that holiday if I was her.

Your sister's finances are absolutely none of your business.

Let alone ours.

Mean spirited? No it’s not. Annoying- that the cost is maybe more than she anticipated so she’s had second thoughts- possibly if you are highly strung. But I would say just one of those things. Support all the children to be resilient. Sometimes plans change and we have to face disappointment. They will all be absolutely fine : )

It sounds like you all discussed this and you have booked on the understanding she was coming over and would be joining you for a week.

If that's the case, then I can see your annoyance and while there may be something you are unaware of that would make coming over a foolish idea, it sounds more likely that she just doesn't want to spend the money despite committing.

But there's not a lot you can do about it. Maybe lay on the guilt, but for me that would be a bit too much begging for favours. I would just take into account that she's flakey and not that bothered about you and not make or change plans to accommodate her in the future.

Then she and her kids don't go.

Some people prefer others pay their way.

I think if she really wanted to go , she would find the money. It sounds like she doesn’t particularly want to go on holiday with you and that’s the most tactful way of telling you?

Ouch £1200 for a week in the UK for 2 people is extortionate. I paid £1200 for 9 nights in Spain for a family of 5 in Lodge. The resort was gorgeous. She isnt being tight. She is putting in financial boundaries which is fine.

You can't spend her money. She said she can't afford it. Just go ahead with your family holiday without her and do a cheap catch up some other time... It is alot per week you paying but totally your choice

Tbh, I wouldn't be spending that amount of money for a holiday in the uk!

Is it all inclusive OP? DH Does it include all travel and transfers? Are days out and activities included? Food? For £1200 in the U.K. I’d need them all to be included to even begin to be able to afford it. I had no holidays with my kids as a single parent. I think you are living in a very cushy bubble with no idea what reality for a lot of other people is like. After tax, mortgage, council tax, food, etc £60k doesn’t go that far especially if you’re a lone parent. Why don’t you offer to pay? You seem loaded!

So you're in a 'luxury' place and she was to find somewhere 'nearby'? Yeah, I'd not go either tbh. I'm also assuming that anything other than the accomodation is addition ££ to pay. It's perfectly reasonable for her to change her mind and she can do it for any reason she likes.
Any reason you couldn't find a place you could stay together? You'd still have a week as a family before/after she left.

Her child, who "probably won't even have a holiday at all now" will be just fine. Yearly holidays are not essential. Especially if it would be foolish financially 🤷‍♀️

Cool. That doesn’t mean it is though does it.

It's none of your business as to why or not she can't afford it and there's probably a big backstory. If she doesn't want to come just accept it. Haven't RTFT