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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is really mean spirited and she can afford it?

295 replies

Sleeverr · 04/03/2026 17:24

Sister is a single parent and pleading poverty to the extent she can’t bring herself and DD to a trip in the uk for a week in summer. We’ve booked somewhere that’s around 4K for two weeks for the four of us and she initially said she’d find somewhere nearby for her and DD for one week.

our kids are very excited for my niece to join us. Sister now saying she can’t afford it. She has over 1k a month in maintenance and a well paid job of 60k. There’s no debt and I can say that with confidence as she’s very open about that kind of thing! I don’t know how much she has in premium bonds but it’s something as again she will mention a win every so often.

I get the sense she’s hoping someone like my parents might contribute but they won’t towards a holiday. We’ve sent options of 1,200 for the week and she just says she can’t. AIBU to feel this is really shit of her? Letting our kids down and her DD too who probably won’t even have a holiday at all now

OP posts:
Fussypink · 04/03/2026 20:08

Tiddlywinky · 04/03/2026 20:05

YANBU OP, she should have said no from the beginning if she can't afford it, and avoid disappointing the children.

But perhaps after pricing it up she felt it was too much.

Perhaps she’s had some other unexpected expenses.

Perhaps she’s decided to be a bit more frugal this year.

Jukeboxjulie69 · 04/03/2026 20:09

Sleeverr · 04/03/2026 17:24

Sister is a single parent and pleading poverty to the extent she can’t bring herself and DD to a trip in the uk for a week in summer. We’ve booked somewhere that’s around 4K for two weeks for the four of us and she initially said she’d find somewhere nearby for her and DD for one week.

our kids are very excited for my niece to join us. Sister now saying she can’t afford it. She has over 1k a month in maintenance and a well paid job of 60k. There’s no debt and I can say that with confidence as she’s very open about that kind of thing! I don’t know how much she has in premium bonds but it’s something as again she will mention a win every so often.

I get the sense she’s hoping someone like my parents might contribute but they won’t towards a holiday. We’ve sent options of 1,200 for the week and she just says she can’t. AIBU to feel this is really shit of her? Letting our kids down and her DD too who probably won’t even have a holiday at all now

Have u thought that maybe she’s hoping you’ll just offer to take her daughter with you so she has a week to herself. Had she got a secret man? Or maybe she’s had second thoughts and really doesn’t want to share a holiday. Obviously she shouldn’t have agreed in the first place

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/03/2026 20:10

I also don’t understand why you’re that bothered. Your kids will be fine - they’re each with their parents and siblings.

You can all spend lots of quality time together.

Were you hoping for something else from this? Like that the kids would all go off and play to give you peace and quiet? Or is the niece older and of babysitting age? Or even worse were you thinking your sister would babysit to give your and DH time together - after all we all know single parents live to be everyone else’s babysitter 🤔

crazeekat · 04/03/2026 20:10

It’s her business.

83048274j · 04/03/2026 20:12

I voted YBU because if she says she can't afford it, she can't afford it. She must have other financial priorities. Things change.

PorridgeEater · 04/03/2026 20:13

She is a better judge of her finances than you are.
It has to be her decision.

Stellardod · 04/03/2026 20:15

And it's not just £1200... annual keave, spending money, treats, fuel. Easily £1600+.

Shame she said yes but may well have expected she could find a cheap bolthole and decided that everything is too expensive.

Why don't you offer to have niece, as other posters have suggested? Or ask her if it's just not viable in a non confrontational manner. I'm sure your daughters will get over it. Your sister may have looked into the destination and found it not so interesting to drop almost 2k on, including spends/food etc

Stellardod · 04/03/2026 20:16

And it's not just £1200... annual leave, spending money, treats, fuel. Easily £1600+.

Shame she said yes but may well have expected she could find a cheap bolthole and decided that everything is too expensive.

Why don't you offer to have niece, as other posters have suggested? Or ask her if it's just not viable in a non confrontational manner. I'm sure your daughters will get over it. Your sister may have looked into the destination and found it not so interesting to drop almost 2k on, including spends/food etc

ShetlandishMum · 04/03/2026 20:18

Sleeverr · 04/03/2026 17:30

I just think 60k plus maintenance and no debt means 1,200 is doable. And so she shouldn’t have said she was coming if she wasn’t

For you it is - great, but for a lot of single parents (and couples) £1200 is a lot of money.

I wouldn't spend £1200 (+?) for a week in UK for an adult and a child. It sounds insane.

Growlybear83 · 04/03/2026 20:18

If I had £1200 to spend on a holiday for me and a child, nothing would persuade me to stay in the UK. She could go somewhere hot and interesting for that much. But you don’t know details of her financial situation and maybe she can’t easily afford to spend that much on a holiday, or maybe she doesn’t want to spend what might be her only holiday with family.

Wowsersbrowsers · 04/03/2026 20:19

How old is niece? That's effectively an £80k wage which wouldn't go far if paying nursery, mortgage, student loans, etc.

parkezvous · 04/03/2026 20:21

Can’t you take your niece?

Curleddown · 04/03/2026 20:22

parkezvous · 04/03/2026 20:21

Can’t you take your niece?

Would you want your child to spend a week under the care of this OP? I wouldn’t

MikeRafone · 04/03/2026 20:23

Sleeverr · 04/03/2026 17:30

I just think 60k plus maintenance and no debt means 1,200 is doable. And so she shouldn’t have said she was coming if she wasn’t

people are allowed to change their minds, its not a big deal. You still get to go on holiday.

Ohyeahitsme · 04/03/2026 20:26

Sleeverr · 04/03/2026 17:30

I just think 60k plus maintenance and no debt means 1,200 is doable. And so she shouldn’t have said she was coming if she wasn’t

You really haven't a clue though. You've no idea if her actual outgoings or income after tax and pension etc. You look on paper at a figure and make an assumption.

Plus it isn't just £1200 (which is a lot for a week in the UK) it's also the costs when you are there.

For what it's worth, I'm going to be a single parent soon and my 60k salary is going to be a squeeze - I won't be entitled to child benefit or any universal credit (not saying I should be) and I am acutely aware that I only have myself to rely on. I don't have a second income. If I lose my job, I only have my savings.

Tiddlywinky · 04/03/2026 20:27

Curleddown · 04/03/2026 20:22

Would you want your child to spend a week under the care of this OP? I wouldn’t

Show quote history

why not?

beAsensible1 · 04/03/2026 20:34

£1k+ for a week uk holiday is bloody criminal

Ineedanewsofa · 04/03/2026 20:35

People who flake are annoying so I understand being a bit pissed off however spending £1200 on a self catering week in the UK is crazy! We only spent £100 more than that on a week in Crete last October. And the idea of spending £4k for a two week uk based holiday blows my tiny mind…

Laura95167 · 04/03/2026 20:36

She doesnt owe your kids her presence or her DDs at her expense

ReadingSoManyThreads · 04/03/2026 20:40

Yes, you are being "really mean spirited".

You come across as very up yourself, comments such as your sister's "pleading poverty", and to be "genuinely surprised" that people think £1200 is a lot for a week in the UK 🙄

You are clearly financially privileged compared to a lot of people. I wouldn't pay £1200 for a week in the UK either but at least I have the sense to realise that that is too much for some, and not others, and to be respectful of everyone's circumstances being different.

You need to back off and leave your sister alone.

Helplessandheartbroke · 04/03/2026 20:41

ThiagoJones · 04/03/2026 17:26

By ‘can’t afford it’ maybe she means ‘I’ve got other priorities for my money’? £1.4k is quite a lot for a week in the UK, maybe she’d rather use the money for something else?

This

Bjorkdidit · 04/03/2026 20:42

im genuinely surprised people think 1,200 for a week is expensive

Well we usually pay around that for two adults to fly to Mallorca or the Canaries and stay B&B in a nice hotel with a heated pool near the sea with eating and drinking out cheaper than the UK so it does seem expensive or at least poor value to pay that for UK self catering.

But in any case it's her money her choice.

everypageisempty · 04/03/2026 20:42

YANBU

Sounds like she's hoping someone else parents) will pay her way and/or (you) put her up for free in your holiday accommodation. Or take her daughter and cover the costs.

If you don't want to, then don't. And don't apologise for it.

tachetastic · 04/03/2026 20:48

Sleeverr · 04/03/2026 17:24

Sister is a single parent and pleading poverty to the extent she can’t bring herself and DD to a trip in the uk for a week in summer. We’ve booked somewhere that’s around 4K for two weeks for the four of us and she initially said she’d find somewhere nearby for her and DD for one week.

our kids are very excited for my niece to join us. Sister now saying she can’t afford it. She has over 1k a month in maintenance and a well paid job of 60k. There’s no debt and I can say that with confidence as she’s very open about that kind of thing! I don’t know how much she has in premium bonds but it’s something as again she will mention a win every so often.

I get the sense she’s hoping someone like my parents might contribute but they won’t towards a holiday. We’ve sent options of 1,200 for the week and she just says she can’t. AIBU to feel this is really shit of her? Letting our kids down and her DD too who probably won’t even have a holiday at all now

What holiday in the UK costs 4000 for two weeks? And if you can afford that for a two week holiday, why on earth are you staying in the UK???? 😂

tachetastic · 04/03/2026 20:57

But no, I don't think refusing to spend 1200 on a one week holiday is mean-spirited. It is realistic for most people, including on your sister's income.