To think this is really mean spirited and she can afford it?

[Sleeverr]

Sister is a single parent and pleading poverty to the extent she can’t bring herself and DD to a trip in the uk for a week in summer. We’ve booked somewhere that’s around 4K for two weeks for the four of us and she initially said she’d find somewhere nearby for her and DD for one week.

our kids are very excited for my niece to join us. Sister now saying she can’t afford it. She has over 1k a month in maintenance and a well paid job of 60k. There’s no debt and I can say that with confidence as she’s very open about that kind of thing! I don’t know how much she has in premium bonds but it’s something as again she will mention a win every so often.

I get the sense she’s hoping someone like my parents might contribute but they won’t towards a holiday. We’ve sent options of 1,200 for the week and she just says she can’t. AIBU to feel this is really shit of her? Letting our kids down and her DD too who probably won’t even have a holiday at all now

I wouldn’t be spending that much on a week’s holiday with someone else’s children. I could afford it but it’s way too expensive for what it is.

Is there a chance the holiday isn't what she thought it would be? Perhaps she thinks you're hoping her child will entertain your kids while the adults hangout and she actually wants more 1:1 time with her child?

Lol at 'letting your kids down'.

Won't someone think of the children!

I'm sure they'll survive their holiday without their cousin.

1.2K for a weeks holiday in the UK!! 😳Not sure I would pay that either as a single mum. That is a lot of money.

And as others have said, you think you know her finances but you don't and have made assumptions based on her wages and maintenance. She may have a million other things she would need the money for and not feel comfortable spending that much on a UK break.

I think YABU sulking because this will affect your kids who will be disappointed.

4k for two weeks 🙀

I used to be in loads of debt and lie about it because I was embarrassed. No one knew

What are the ages of your children and the niece ?

Have you actually booked a Uk holiday for 4k?? 1.2k for 2 people in the UK is a crap deal, no wonder she doesn’t want to

Your reaction is overblown, OP. You’re not entitled to an opinion about how she spends her money. Enjoy your holiday.

YABVVVU to tell your dc, before anything was actually booked.
Any 'letting down' is on that choice, not her decision to come or not come.

But it isn't just the cost of accommodation, is it ? You have to add travel, food, activities, ice-creams etc.
But, even if she has that in her a/c, or savings, it isn't for anyone else but her to decide what she is prioritising in terms of savings and spends at any point in her life.

Perhaps it was more expensive than she thought it would be and has decided she doesn't want to pay 1.2k on a uk break. Can't say I blame her really. I've been know to say I can't afford it when people have suggested trips. I can, I just don't fancy spending the money on what they've suggested 🤣.
I don't think her finances are really your business. If she has said she can't afford it ( whether true or not) I don't know why you wouldn't just leave it at that.

You don't get to decide how she spends or doesn't spend her money. She's also not responsible for your kids' feelings. Things happen and vacation plans change.

That's an expensive holiday for a single parent and you should stop judging her for not going along with your plans. Her circumstances are different.

I'm getting a bit of a vibe as to why she's not going, to be honest.

Maybe your niece changed her mind and said she didn’t want to go? Maybe your sister felt a bit railroaded then changed her mind when she thought about it more carefully?
Regardless, she has decided that she doesn’t want to or isn’t able to spend £1.2k on a week’s holiday in the UK. That is her right. Surely you can have fun on holiday with your children anyway?

She might not think it's a good use of her time or money.

While it might appear that she has plenty of money, her mortgage might have gone up, her pension might be looking underfunded or her car might need replacing.

Or she might not want to use her AL in this way, she might want to do something else.

Have you considered that she's making a polite excuse?

You expect her to pay 1.2K not to let you kids down? 🙄

This is one of the most childish and entitled threads |'ve ever come across here.

Was just thinking this. Could you offer to take your niece if you can fit her in with your kids? (Blow up bed if needs be?) Then niece and kids get holiday time together and your sister isn't spending a grand she may not have.

The fact that you have jumped straight to “she’s mean” and bad parent vibes rather than be concerned for her maybe suggest you don’t like her much and maybe she has a better offer.

I live in a £900k house and we both have good jobs but have been to food bank 3 times and my siblings know nothing of this
I have not had a £1000 a week holiday since my kids were born that’s very decadent - debts can’t build up in a month with a v slight change of luck

Its not £1,200 though is it?

What about travel to UK?
Spends while on holiday?
Car hire or train tickets to and from accommodation & for the week?

Also her holiday allowance might be limited.

She might simply prefer to go somwhere warm instead.

Sounds like this holiday was entirely your choice of location.

If you want to holiday with another family then IMO you choose it and book it together rather than you choosing and expecting them to fall in line.

Maybe it’s pricier than she thought. Maybe she’s found a good deal somewhere sunny. Maybe she doesn’t want to be a hanger on to your family holiday. Who knows. The fact is the holiday wasn’t her choice so you can’t be surprised if she isn’t as keen as you.

Her child shouldn't be viewed as a "ready made" playmate for your kids. I assume if your niece comes along, it will be easier to entertain your own kids. Maybe your sister just doesn't want to holiday with you. Maybe she doesn't want to spend that sort of money on a UK holiday when the weather could be shit. I suspect she felt initially pressured into this.

£60k as a single parent probably isn’t as much as you think. £1200 just for accommodation for a week in the UK is pretty extravagant to me. Maybe she said yes originally and then when started to realise prices genuinely can’t afford it. I wouldn’t be paying that for UK accommodation. Food, activities and travel on top of that, she’s looking at £2k for a week in the UK? No thanks.

When people in a situation like this say they can’t afford it, they don’t always mean they physically don’t have that money in their account. That can often mean it’s quite pricey, they have the money but would rather spend it on something else.
My partner and I aren’t particularly flush at the moment, I’m on mat leave. Some of my girlfriends are going on a trip to Lisbon in a couple of months and it’s looking at costing around £1500. I physically have that money in my account but I’ve declined the invite saying it’s too much for me.

Did she get any choice on where to go?

Sounds like she doesn’t want to go so don’t push her on this

I appreciate that there are different norms here but going over another person's finances and making judgements about what non-essentials they should spend their money on is gross behaviour. Enjoy your holiday if that works for you but you've got to accept other people's decisions.