To think this is really mean spirited and she can afford it?

[Sleeverr]

Sister is a single parent and pleading poverty to the extent she can’t bring herself and DD to a trip in the uk for a week in summer. We’ve booked somewhere that’s around 4K for two weeks for the four of us and she initially said she’d find somewhere nearby for her and DD for one week.

our kids are very excited for my niece to join us. Sister now saying she can’t afford it. She has over 1k a month in maintenance and a well paid job of 60k. There’s no debt and I can say that with confidence as she’s very open about that kind of thing! I don’t know how much she has in premium bonds but it’s something as again she will mention a win every so often.

I get the sense she’s hoping someone like my parents might contribute but they won’t towards a holiday. We’ve sent options of 1,200 for the week and she just says she can’t. AIBU to feel this is really shit of her? Letting our kids down and her DD too who probably won’t even have a holiday at all now

It's a bit like destination/expensive weddings. I have known people to discuss and criticise the income of invitees who have declined to attend, citing finances.
They are offended that their event is not important enough to forgo the family holiday for...or a new car.
"Says she's skint but there's a 25 plate sitting outside."
It's none of their business!

Like right now, I've bought a van I want to kit out. This is my priority. I wouldn't spend £1000 on a holiday that takes away from my van budget.
I can afford £1000 overall but it's already spoken for.
I might spend £500. Might. Probably not.

Maybe it's a bit like that for her. Dunno.

Going on holiday with your extended family isn't a holiday.
Maybe she doesn't want to play happy families with you, your DH and your DC.
Maybe she prefers to pay 1-2K on something cultural or educational abroad?

Loads of reasons, but it seems that she may well be saying she is skint as telling you the real reason will cause a fall out.

Why have you been so mean?

She could get two weeks somewhere with guaranteed sunshine for that.

How she spends her money is not for you to dictate.

Whether or not she CAN afford it is different to whether she WANTS to afford it.

It’s a lot of money that she may prefer to spend on something that’s more important to her. Or maybe saving is more important to her. Either way it’s none of your business and Yabu.

It might actually be true though.

OP seems mostly pissed off about her kids not being able to spend time with their cousin which could just keep her kids entertained and make life easier. Her daughter might not want to spend a full holiday playing with her cousins and might not be keen on them or much older with nothing in common.

I doubt OP is returning to answer these questions so I wouldn’t worry about the pp’s comment offending her!

Because I think the op is being “mean” about her sister

You sound like my sister who used to moan at me for not chipping in for things she organised that I was invited to but didn't attend!

The cheek of OP spending someone else’s money!

Where is she coming from?

Whether she can afford it or not is not really the point.

Just because someone can afford something doesn’t mean they are obligated to spend a large amount of money which 1.2K is to make others happy.

Unless I have read wrong, you booked for two weeks in the summer beforehand and she initially said she would do a week nearby so regardless if she came or not you would be doing a UK holiday anyway.

Why didn’t you try to find a place that you all
could stay in and split the cost that way?

Your post is really mean spirited.

OP, is it really your prerogative to decide what is financially doable for somebody outside your own immediate family? £1,200 is a lot of money for accommodation to a lot of people.

You can have no sure idea what her finances truly are. Or what her wider situation is. And if she says she can’t afford it, then it’s surely not for you to argue. Do you want her to go into debt to please you and your children.

Do you have the right to centre your wants and needs into the middle of her judgement and decision making.
She may even have had a better offer that she wants to keep private for now.
There could be any number of reasons why she has changed her mind.
I think I would check that she and her children are all ok and then accept her decision.

How much income she has and how she chooses to spend it are her business, not yours. Perhaps she has expenses you know nothing about. Perhaps she doesn’t like the place you chose. Perhaps she doesn’t want to go on holiday with you, but didn’t have the nerve to say so straight away.

The possible disappointment of your DC is rightly not a major consideration for her.

She doesn't want to go so I'd just drop it. You can't bully someone into going on holidays with you.

On quite a bit more than that with no dependants and I wouldn’t spend that money for a week in the UK

If you’re not out of pocket I’m not sure you can object. It’s a lot of money for two people for one week’s accommodation.

First off it’s not Ops business if her sis takes her own child holiday or not but she did also tell Op she’d take her child for a week somewhere.

Agree with this. And that's just accommodation, she will need spending money, etc. We never truly know someone else's circumstances no matter how close we are.

We tend to find money for things we want to do. She clearly doesn’t want to go.

She's probably realised she can have a very good holiday abroad for that.

UK is very expensive for holidays.

You know what she’s got coming in but you don’t know what her outgoings are.

Would I want to go on holiday with someone like the OP, who posts on mumsnet about my financial circumstances and decision not to holiday?

No

You’re mad to spend £4k on a holiday that was reliant on your sister and niece being there for it to be enjoyable.

In 2021 we did spend £1200 on 7 days in Devon. It had been covid and lockdown and we thought it was massively expensive, we decided to go as so many things had been cancelled from covid. We wouldn’t pay that now though cos it is ridiculous 🙈
If your sister has said she can’t afford it though then she can’t afford it.
Theres this thinking around £60k+ salaries that people assume you are rolling in money. The reality is she probably pays loads in tax and has to pay some child benefit back too. The sliding scale starts at £60K.
So there is every chance she can’t actually afford over a grand for a week in the UK or she might be thinking about going abroad and spending a bit more for that type of holiday?
It must be hard going for single parents. Its all on you and your income.
I think your sister is not being unreasonable.
I think you perhaps are being unreasonable…..

What's she like at giving her DD a decent childhood generally?

I.e is she someone who is just fixated on saving rather than balancing that and also having fun (a tremendous shame,.our children only get one childhood)

Or do you think this might actually be that she doesn't want to holiday with /near you? ( I like my sister but she is incredibly bossy so I always find reasons not to holiday with her)