To think this is really mean spirited and she can afford it?

[Sleeverr]

Sister is a single parent and pleading poverty to the extent she can’t bring herself and DD to a trip in the uk for a week in summer. We’ve booked somewhere that’s around 4K for two weeks for the four of us and she initially said she’d find somewhere nearby for her and DD for one week.

our kids are very excited for my niece to join us. Sister now saying she can’t afford it. She has over 1k a month in maintenance and a well paid job of 60k. There’s no debt and I can say that with confidence as she’s very open about that kind of thing! I don’t know how much she has in premium bonds but it’s something as again she will mention a win every so often.

I get the sense she’s hoping someone like my parents might contribute but they won’t towards a holiday. We’ve sent options of 1,200 for the week and she just says she can’t. AIBU to feel this is really shit of her? Letting our kids down and her DD too who probably won’t even have a holiday at all now

Thats a lot for two people, plus food, activities etc on top.

When I was a lone parent every penny mattered, if I lost my job there wasn’t another income to fall back on, so I had to be so careful with money so if anything did happen we could manage for a few months. I wouldn’t be surprised if she feels the same.

I had a cottage in the UK for a week last summer for £500. £1200 is a lot. If you think it's such a negligible amount and you're so keen for her to come, why not offer to help? Kids understand that plans change and if they don't, they should. Its real life and sometimes things cant pan out how you want.

No it’s not a bit shit, it’s fair enough. The kids aren’t made of glass, they will be fine

People on MN always jump to the worst possible motivations for their family members. I mean, I assume you like your sister, as you want her to come on holiday with you? So maybe you could just think ‘ah well, she’s obviously changed her mind for some reason, what a shame’ and move on? I’m sure you can try and have a nice time with your children without them?

I agree with you that it’s likely she could find the cash if she really wanted to. But she doesn’t seem to want to and that’s fair enough. She can spend her holidays how she likes.

It’s fair enough for you to be disappointed for your kids though. My dd loved getting together with her cousins.

I would not spend £1000 on a week's accommodation in the UK for a holiday! I can get better than that in Greece. Guess she would prefer to spend her money (and time?) in another way.

Oh and we’ve just paid £1200 for a huge barn conversion in the UK (near Whitstable), with a hot tub, large enclosed garden etc for 5 of us (3 bedrooms) so yes, £1200 does feel a lot for 2 people.

You sound very bossy and controlling.

She has decided she doesn’t want to spend that amount of money going on holiday with you.

Back off!

im genuinely surprised people think 1,200 for a week is expensive?!

I'm with you on that (if nothing else) - I feel like I've gone back to the 90s reading this thread. £1200 isn't necessarily all that much for a week if you want a nice place in a nice area,especially in school hols. We go to the Lakes/Northumberland/Highlands a lot and will happily spend multiples of that to get a decent place away from others. Horses for courses I guess. But you are being out of order for having a go at your sister.

I don't think a 60k income stretches as far as it used to.

It’s a lot of money in my opinion for a UK holiday. She may have other priorities / plans for her money, of maybe she just doesn’t want to go and convenient to say its down to money. Yes it’s disappointing for the kids, but given she hadn’t committed they shouldn’t have been told.

I think you've got no business deciding what someone else can or can't afford, and certainly shouldn't be spending their money for them or pressuring them to spend money.

She'll have about £4.5k a month which isn't exactly rich, and not wanting to dip into her savings for something that isn't priority isn't a negative thing either.

You sound awful.

We have a joint income of more than 60k and would struggle to justify spending £1.2k on a week away in the UK, especially if we were already planning a family holiday abroad. We are planning a new kitchen install later this year so there isn’t anything to spare.

It isn’t up to you how she prioritises her money.

YABVU for judging what is affordable for others. Maybe she genuinely can't afford it or maybe she's got other priorities. Honestly you sound a bit pushy.

Take her daughter and give mum a week off

Perhaps she can think of lots of other things she would prefer to do with that amount of money?

I'm not being nasty, just want to point out that what seems great to you may be Meh for others?

Maybe the idea of staying somewhere cheaper nearby while you’re staying somewhere luxurious will make her feel rubbish and she doesn’t want to feel that way.

Your DC will be fine - they are going on holiday with their parents and sibling. They'll get over the disappointment. Yes, it would have been better if she had just said no in the first place, but it isn't the big deal that you're turning it into.

£1200 self catering plus spends you're looking at 2k ish for a week in the UK for an adult and child, no thanks, for that money I'm getting out of here. Maybe she feels the same.

Oh and our income is in excess of 120k. I just prioritise my money on other things.

Awful for being disappointed when her sister tells her she'll be joining them for a holiday, she tells her kids they'll be spending it with their aunty and cousin, and then she backs out under what seems like an excuse.

Yeah bloody awful!

I really think it's just the detail that the sister happens to be a single mother that is causing this reaction. Unless that's a very recent change in circumstance she will have known that, her income, and rough cost (or should have asked or looked up) at the time of agreeing.

This isn't about the sister refusing to agree to a holiday she may not be able to afford or doesn't want to go on. It's her having agreed and now backing out with kids involved.

Pretty shit imo but hey-ho I'm of the do what you say will persuasion which I've come to accept lots are not.

Maybe she does have debt though, but pretends otherwise. Lots of people keep their financial situation secret and just tell others what they want them to hear. No-one likes bragging that they have no money.

Agreed, especially for a lone parent - that £1k in maintenance won’t go that far when it’s to compensate a partners income within the household.

Also agree that £1.2k for one week, especially if self catering, is a lot for one person. There’s such a big difference between splitting holidays with a partner versus doing it all on your own.

OP, she doesn’t want to go - your kids will be fine, it’s not mean spirited of her just leave her be.

Nobody is awful for feeling disappointed.

However, the sister not going doesn't impact on the OP in any material way. It doesn't make her trip more expensive or more difficult.

What does make someone awful is pressuring people to spend money they've said they can't afford to spend and making grass judgements about how they should spend their money.

But it’s not up to you to decide what she spends her money on.

Do you not understand that people often say that they can’t afford things, it doesn’t always literally mean they’re down to their last 20 quid, but it’s money that they feel would be better prioritised elsewhere.

YANBU OP, she should have said no from the beginning if she can't afford it, and avoid disappointing the children.