To think this is really mean spirited and she can afford it?

[Sleeverr]

Sister is a single parent and pleading poverty to the extent she can’t bring herself and DD to a trip in the uk for a week in summer. We’ve booked somewhere that’s around 4K for two weeks for the four of us and she initially said she’d find somewhere nearby for her and DD for one week.

our kids are very excited for my niece to join us. Sister now saying she can’t afford it. She has over 1k a month in maintenance and a well paid job of 60k. There’s no debt and I can say that with confidence as she’s very open about that kind of thing! I don’t know how much she has in premium bonds but it’s something as again she will mention a win every so often.

I get the sense she’s hoping someone like my parents might contribute but they won’t towards a holiday. We’ve sent options of 1,200 for the week and she just says she can’t. AIBU to feel this is really shit of her? Letting our kids down and her DD too who probably won’t even have a holiday at all now

"AIBU to feel this is really shit of her? Letting our kids down and her DD too who probably won’t even have a holiday at all now"

Have you said anything to her? Such as 'So is your daughter getting a holiday at all this year?'

I might say I'm up for joining a holiday like your sister has, but never would I expect it to cost £1200 for a week for me and 1 child! So I'd have to backtack too. Are there really no cheaper options?

How is that any of the op’s business?

You sound incredibly self-centered.

People are allowed to change their minds! And your sister is not morally obliged to make her daughter available as company for yours. Maybe the niece does not even like your daughter.

£1.2k just for accommodation is nuts. She’s got to factor in a ton of other expenses on top of that as well. She doesn’t want go with you and has said no. Respect that.

You sound mean tbh

She doesn't want to go and it's an excuse, or she wouldn't mind but not enough she's to pay for it. Her child's relationship with yours just isn't as much as of priority for her as it is you, so you have to be prepared to most or all of the legwork to make it happen, or accept that it won't.

For future don't book anything dependent on her plans. Or depending on her child's age, invite them only but prepared to pay for all of their expenses.

Edit: for those saying it's an obscene expense and she's not obliged. Holidays in the UK are expensive and it sounds like the OP booked hers (equally or more expensive) on the basis that her DS agreed they would also with their DC.

Maybe she doesn't really want to go and is using it as an excuse.

It’s really out of order to pressure or judge a single parent for not spending >£1000 because YOU want her to.

You don't get a say in what she spends ££££ on. You can't hope to divvy up her income and allocate it for her.

Who knows why she has ducked out of the holiday. Genuinely can't afford it? Has the money earmarked for something else? Doesn't really want to go?
It doesn't matter...right now she doesn't want to spend it. You just have to accept that as an answer.

If she says she can't afford it you have to believe her. You can't force her to spend money on something.

I mean a burglar who spends £800 a day on crack might say they can't afford a coffee. Someone on £800 a month might say that can afford a meal at a Michelin starred restaurant.

But ultimately other people's money and what they consider they want to spend it on is their business.

There's no need for that.

It's always easy to spend other people's money.

She could have unexpected expenses, you have no idea.

I can’t understand why you didn’t book a place for 6? Is that what she was perhaps expecting as would be a lot cheaper for her!

She doesn’t want to spend time with her judgemental sister and is too polite to say so even though said sister is bitching about her online 🤷

Doesn’t mean it has to be her spending priority though. Maybe other things have happened than mean she can’t afford it.

Also, her means do depend on what area you’re in. £60k plus £1000
maintenance wouldn’t actually go that far where I am.

I wonder if she is concerned about potential price increases of many many things in the event of things escalating in the Middle East. Circumstances have changed a fair bit and you may have no idea of all her outgoings. She may have agreed in good faith but things and circumstances do change.

I suspect she just thinks it's an awful lot of money to spend on a holiday that her and her child probably don't really want to go on. Not everyone wants to spend a week holidaying with extended family. She could spend that money on something she and her daughter will enjoy a lot more. Her daughter doesn't exist just to entertain your kids. It's not 'mean-spirited' to want a holiday that doesn't entail having to spend every day with her entire family. Her and her daughter are their own family unit too.

She might have come but has since changed her mind-that’s fine. Stop sending her options of things you think she should be spending her money on 😂

Did she make a firm commitment to share costs and will anyone be out of pocket if she doesn’t go ? If not then l’d drop it - she clearly has her reasons.

Well I wouldn’t be spending 1.2k for a week in the UK either. I haven’t spent that on a week in Slovenia for the 3 of us. So, perhaps she doesn’t want to go because she’d rather get more bang for her buck.

It’s not just 1200 is it? It’s spending money on top of that.

YANBU

I think she should stick to her word, particularly as children are involved.

Or…..

She just doesn’t want to waste precious holiday spending it with her sister, you.