Page 5 | Why is it that being an introvert is viewed as a bad thing?

Thepeopleversuswork · 05/03/2026 09:32

@ChangeAgainAgainAgain

As an aside, I tend to see more socially inept/awkward people self-labelling as 'introverts' than 'extroverts', although they exist across the spectrum. It's a common misunderstanding that social ineptitude equals introversion, when they are completely different things.

Absolutely. "Introversion" (as a label, not as an actual characteristic) has become a kind of pre-emptive shield for people who are socially inept or anxious or rude. It has very little to do with whether they are genuinely introvert or not.

And yet you still see, on a daily basis, hundreds of posts on here which start with: "I am an introvert". No, you're probably not an introvert, you're somebody who for whatever reason is struggling with your current social environment and its an easy label.

ThankFuckTheSunIsHere · 05/03/2026 09:35

Parmaviolets101 · 04/03/2026 19:54

I know what you mean.

I think though for me it’s like if I invited someone for a walk or to go swimming it’s socially acceptable for someone to say that they don’t like walking or swimming.

But I don’t feel like it’s socially acceptable to say that I don’t like parties. That might just be my experience but I’ve found people will generally say things like “oh don’t be boring”, or “you’ll enjoy it once you’re there”, or “learn to live a little”.

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I’ve never met anyone who says they don’t like walking!

Extroverts like swimming and walking too op. I think you’re overthinking this. Life is not so black and white.

PheasantandAstronomers · 05/03/2026 09:36

Thepeopleversuswork · 05/03/2026 09:32

@ChangeAgainAgainAgain

As an aside, I tend to see more socially inept/awkward people self-labelling as 'introverts' than 'extroverts', although they exist across the spectrum. It's a common misunderstanding that social ineptitude equals introversion, when they are completely different things.

Absolutely. "Introversion" (as a label, not as an actual characteristic) has become a kind of pre-emptive shield for people who are socially inept or anxious or rude. It has very little to do with whether they are genuinely introvert or not.

And yet you still see, on a daily basis, hundreds of posts on here which start with: "I am an introvert". No, you're probably not an introvert, you're somebody who for whatever reason is struggling with your current social environment and its an easy label.

And the label lets these self-identified 'introverts' off the hook by suggesting a state of being which can't be altered because that's your 'personality type', whereas in fact in some cases it's an OP with poor or non-existent social skills, which could absolutely be changed, with effort.

ThankFuckTheSunIsHere · 05/03/2026 09:39

MargoLivebetter · 05/03/2026 09:20

Who says being an introvert is a bad thing? I've never heard that.

I'm a sociable introvert. I love parties, going out with friends and being sociable but I need to recharge by myself, enjoy my own company and find time alone restorative. I've worked in PR and events for most of my adult life and can switch on my sociable, gregarious, chatty side but it is effortful rather than something that occurs naturally. I will be drained afterwards, rather than recharged like an extrovert would be.

I think there is a difference between being an introvert and being anti-social, having social anxiety or being shy.

This.

Parrlorwarrior · 05/03/2026 09:39

I’m an introvert. I am definitely not shy though and I’m a confident person. I’m not socially awkward or anxious and I don’t think I’m rude. I have friends but I limit the amount of time I spend with other people. I need time alone to do my hobbies and to recharge my batteries.

frozendaisy · 05/03/2026 09:41

Don’t most people do both? To varying degrees.

You meet people do extrovert things and get to really know them doing introvert things?

gannett · 05/03/2026 09:41

Thepeopleversuswork · 05/03/2026 09:29

@gannett

Maybe I should have said that leadership roles are geared towards an extrovert skillset. It's possible for people who don't enjoy it to tolerate it for the money, yes. My point is that the (gregarious, chatty, extroverted) salesperson skillset is generally rewarded more than being solitary, detail-orientated and ideas-driven.

I know what you mean here but I think it's a false dichotomy. It's about presence, clarity and confidence, not really about being gregarious and chatty. If anything being overly gregarious and chatty is likely to get a CEO into trouble because it leaves them open to straying away from the focus/the message.

I coach c-suite people (mainly CEOs) and you'd be surprised how many of them are naturally reserved and quite shy and need coaxing to wear their hearts on their sleeve.

For a while I actually wondered if I should work with someone like you, but the sheer volume of social interaction necessary to go in that career direction just never stopped seeming like hell. I can do presence, clarity and confidence in meetings in really short bursts but fundamentally my best work is done when I'm on my own, and the way I communicate in person is maybe one-thousandth as effective as when I have time and space to put my thoughts into writing.

I'm content with my path but it really opened my eyes to how so many professional environments and industries are shaped by prizing extrovert tendencies, and how even the concept of "leadership" is tied up with them.

TheIceBear · 05/03/2026 09:45

Thepeopleversuswork · 05/03/2026 09:32

@ChangeAgainAgainAgain

As an aside, I tend to see more socially inept/awkward people self-labelling as 'introverts' than 'extroverts', although they exist across the spectrum. It's a common misunderstanding that social ineptitude equals introversion, when they are completely different things.

Absolutely. "Introversion" (as a label, not as an actual characteristic) has become a kind of pre-emptive shield for people who are socially inept or anxious or rude. It has very little to do with whether they are genuinely introvert or not.

And yet you still see, on a daily basis, hundreds of posts on here which start with: "I am an introvert". No, you're probably not an introvert, you're somebody who for whatever reason is struggling with your current social environment and its an easy label.

This is very true. Plenty of introverted people are actually very socially competent and confident . I think there is widespread misunderstanding of what the word introvert actually means .

Thepeopleversuswork · 05/03/2026 09:56

@gannett

For a while I actually wondered if I should work with someone like you, but the sheer volume of social interaction necessary to go in that career direction just never stopped seeming like hell. I can do presence, clarity and confidence in meetings in really short bursts but fundamentally my best work is done when I'm on my own, and the way I communicate in person is maybe one-thousandth as effective as when I have time and space to put my thoughts into writing.

I can totally understand that: I also find constantly being "on" exhausting" and find it much easier to communicate in writing than in speech. But I promise you you're in the majority. Very few people naturally love talking to all the people all the time. It's usually a learned skill, not a natural characteristic.

Also if you watch people who are naturally good presenters you can tell they're switching it on and off. They're great in a formal communication setting but if you take them into unscripted territory they are less comfortable.

Anyway I digress. But it's really not about "extroversion".

RampantIvy · 05/03/2026 16:05

Thepeopleversuswork · 05/03/2026 08:38

As PPs have pointed out the definitions of introvert and extrovert as applied on here are usually incorrect and most of the time they are coopted to mean respectively "shy, anxious or misanthropic" or "loud, narcissistic and self-centred". Neither of these stereotypes is accurate: there are loud and self-centred introverts and shy, anxious extroverts. And a huge amount of people in the middle. I find it infuriatingly simplistic.

Quite a lot of "extroverts" present as confident because they have struggled for years with low self-confidence and have developed a robust self-defense mechanism. Many "introverts" are comfortable in their own skin and don't need lots of contact.

But what really irritates me is the petulant way anxious and misanthropic people embrace "introversion" as a sort of shield/badge of honour and imply that being socially relaxed or confident is an indicator of attention seeking. There are several examples of this on this thread, with a PP identifying extroverts as boring and narcissistic.

The perception of introverts as some persecuted minority is tediously out of date. That may have been true historically because the more confident people were socially prized. Now, particularly post COVID, we're in a world where people can operate almost entirely without coming into contact with other people, a lot of people embrace having few social skills and our society is more atomised and fragmented than ever.

At the moment being an "introvert" (ie anxious or misanthropic) is seen as variously a way to make people sound deep and interesting, a way to justify rude or antisocial behaviour or air cover to bitch about people who are more socially confident.

None of this has anything to do with real "introversion". And in a world where people need more social contact, it's nothing to shout about.

The best post on this thread. I am gong to use this to quote on other introvert vs extrovert threads.

I think most of the "I hate extroverts" narrative comes from socially inept people who are jealous of people who are socially confident and is nothing to do with being an introvert.

CharlotteStreetW1 · 05/03/2026 18:18

CaragianettE · 04/03/2026 20:41

There's nothing wrong with being a massive extrovert of course but I find it very weird that you seem to think it defines you and, like vegans and menopausal women, you have come on here to announce it up front. Why do we need to know?

Why do you assume people who tell you they're introverts are doing so because they think it defines them? They're probably trying to contextualise their behaviour for you and to explain that if they don't want to chat for ages it's about them, not you. So you don't think they're being rude.

OP YANBU, I think it's obvious to anyone who doesn't particularly like parties or large group events or long periods of socialisation that that tends to be received as a bit weird or sad by the people around them. Some of that is maybe lack of empathy, and cultural conditioning. But having houseshared with an extrovert who wanted to flood me with talk whenever we both got back from work - which I could barely stand and would basically nod until I could get out of the room - I think that for extroverts, introverts may also just come across as a bit rude and unfriendly, and not interacting in the way they would prefer. Maybe we make them feel a bit rejected, and so they respond by rejecting us?

I think I have experienced this on the other side as well - I have a couple of friends who like to socialise a bit but I think quickly get tired, and they can become quite standoffish and irritable once they've reached their social limit (which is probably also how I came across to my housemate), and yeah, it's not very nice actually to be on the receiving end of. Personally I'd prefer it if someone just said 'look I'm an introvert and I need to be alone now for a bit, it's not personal to you'.

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There's nothing wrong with being a massive extrovert of course but I find it very weird that you seem to think it defines you and, like vegans and menopausal women, you have come on here to announce it up front. Why do we need to know?

Don't be facetious. I was answering the OP's question:

If you are an extrovert, do you find being alone draining in the same way that I would find being with people too much draining?