Why is it that being an introvert is viewed as a bad thing?

[Parmaviolets101]

I’m very much an introvert.

I think all through my youth I tried to fight against it because it wasn’t really cool to be introvert.

I do very much enjoy company but I don’t like big gatherings, I much prefer meeting people one on one so that you can actually enjoy a good quality conversation. I am quite happy being alone as I need a the time to recharge.

I like quiet activities, walking, cinema, going for coffee, museums, site-seeing.

I still feel as though if you don’t enjoy parties, drinking, dancing, going out in big groups then you are looked down on as being boring and a bit weird.

Also, another thing that fascinates me is that they say that extroverts recharge by being with other people. If you are an extrovert, do you find being alone draining in the same way that I would find being with people too much draining?

It’s fashionable to be an introvert now, isn’t it?

Im not sure that's an example of an extrovert.

I am exactly the same, feel very awkward with silence unless im with close family/friends, so I end up rabbiting on to fill the void. But i am an introvert; the endless talking to appear sociable/fill the silence is absolutely exhausting (as I'm sure it is for those around me!), but I can't stop myself trying so hard to appear sociable. The result is I exhaust myself to the extent where even the thought of being around lots of people makes me want to lock the doors and hide.

It takes a good day to wind down after being around lots of people, even though those very people think I love it and am very sociable.

No introverts are not boring.. extroverts who bang on about themselves for hours are boring

That’s the definition of a bore. Not an extrovert.

It’s not. It’s just that Mners are addicted to misusing the term ‘introvert’ when what they mean is ‘shy’, ’socially awkward’ or ‘misanthrope’. I’m an introvert, and I’m socially confident, like socialising and have lots of friends. The only difference between me and an extrovert is that I need a lot of time alone to compensate — I love socialising, but it drains me afterwards.

It's a bit uncomfortable being around extroverts but I'm rarely around them and I actively avoid them so I don't think about it much. It annoys me that they think I need to be more like them.

I'm not sure why a pp thinks that people who 'hold court' with their stupid, self indulgent anecdotes are charismatic. They're narcissistic and I'm sure most of us would prefer to have our own conversations (or stare silently at the wall) than listen to someone who thinks dominating the conversation is appropriate.

Exactly! But these introvert vs extrovert threads always end up the same.

People would think I’m a natural extrovert if they met me - I’m confident at work, lead a team and I’m probably fodder for some of these ‘empty vessels’ insults but in any social situation I’m primed and ready to take my part in carrying the weight of the conversation/ anecdotes/ joking/ fun etc… whatever it may be. I recognise it’s not fair to sit there like Silent Sally and just let other people do all the social heavy lifting.

And yet, it drains me. And when I get home I’m quite happy to be back in my own quiet silent world.

What to does that make me? Extrovert or Introvert? These binary stereotypes are not helpful in understanding human complexity.

This is absolutely me too. I actually had no idea I was an introvert because I thought it meant shy and quiet which I’m not.

I am very socially active but I always describe myself as selectively social. I love my friendship group but I’m not great with randoms. I also need time out after I’ve been socially active.

Im probably a social introvert who needs my own space. I can be at a festival with 1000’s and love every minute but I can also go several days without speaking to another person - I couldn’t mange one without the other.

I like being around people but I’m very much an introvert, and I find it draining, so I can only do it in short bursts. I’d quite happily spend all day alone, but I absolutely love drinking and partying too. I do have one friend who simply cannot get her head around spending time alone, and when I see her she doesn’t stop talking to draw breath, I don’t understand how she does it!

Big same. It seems to be talked about a lot though, lots of introverts doing the rounds asking similar questions.

Well, you sound like me — someone socially confident and sociable, but who is drained rather than energised by socialising, and needs solitude to recharge, hence is an introvert. But the only way you would know I wasn’t an extrovert is if I didn’t get enough solo downtime, when I would be visibly ill at ease and tired in company. Otherwise, all you would see was someone enjoying themselves.

👏💯

I don't think, introverts are looked down on. If anything, it's more popular than it's ever been. Same with being 'neurospicy' (usually without any diagnosis).

That also sounds like me. I talk a lot and enjoy company but get really cranky if I don't get a lot of time alone. Probs partly down to my ADHD (not self diagnosed on TikTok, was kicked out of mainstream education for a while due to my behaviour). I have to stop myself talking too much most of the time but I get burnt out really fast.

Maybe we need a shared definition of introvert as there seems to be some confusion. This is google's:

a person who is predominantly focused on internal thoughts and feelings rather than on external things or social interaction, often characterized as being quiet or withdrawn.

So yes - shy, quiet and withdrawn are absolutely parts of it.
And yes, it's generally seen as a bad thing especially in childhood. My school reports often highlighted it in a negative way.
I'd also suggest that yesterday's shy is today's mild autism.

An extrovert bore

It sounds like you just haven’t found your kind of people to hang out with

Not liking parties or loud places isn’t to do with being introverted, it’s to do with preference. You just need to find friends who like to do the same stuff as you.

I think anyone with a narrow range of things they are happy doing, or are hard work other than in a narrow range of situations, is generally going to be a bit less well regarded than someone who is more accommodating. But in general I think people find someone who avoids big gatherings and focuses on 1:1 and small group meet ups to be easier to be good friends with than someone who only does big groups and avoids more intimate get togethers.

I'm not sure why a pp thinks that people who 'hold court' with their stupid, self indulgent anecdotes are charismatic. They're narcissistic and I'm sure most of us would prefer to have our own conversations (or stare silently at the wall) than listen to someone who thinks dominating the conversation is appropriate.

@MrFluffyDogIsMyBestFriend You are describing a narcissistic bore, not necessarily an extrovert.
I see this over and over again where posters think that socially confident people are loud and boring. Most extroverts I know are good listeners and don't talk just because they like the sound of their own voice. I detect a hint of jealousy.

It’s not. It’s just that Mners are addicted to misusing the term ‘introvert’ when what they mean is ‘shy’, ’socially awkward’ or ‘misanthrope’

I wholeheartedly agree with this @PheasantandAstronomers . They are also addicted to misusing the term 'extrovert' when what they mean is 'loud', 'attention seeking' and 'full of inane chatter' as shown by the example at the beginning of my post.

Thanks for this suggestion, I’ve just bought a copy!

Look, I wish in ways that I was more extroverted. My days are a mixture of talking to students and sitting alone in my office or at home doing research. I enjoy both for different reasons but the days filled with students/colleagues exhaust me far more. I actually feel physically ill after a long day talking non stop which seems so extreme. It makes my head bang and my body ache like I have the flu. I can barely string a sentence together when I get home and need to lie down to recharge.

I love and enjoy talking to people but equally find it utterly draining and wish it didn’t have that effect on me really.

I also reject the premise. Who says being an introvert is negative?

I am a very confident introvert and I don’t experience any negativity around my need for loads of downtime.

Is there someone in particular being unkind to you OP?

Well it’s not really on to try and “shame” anyone I’d suggest.

What form does this shaming of you take? You can only be shamed if inherently you think the thing you are doing is shame worthy, so someone says oh you are so quiet, say yes thank you I am?

I think the only time people see being an introvert as a bad thing is when they feel you're rejecting them because you don't want to socialise.
Yes, there are some people who will be dismissive and call you boring, but they won't be giving you a lot of headspace dwelling on how bad you are. You'll largely just get overlooked.
Extroverts on the other hand can arouse very strong negativity.
Our society is not typically keen on people 'attention seeking', 'showing off', 'overstepping', or instigating unsolicited social connection. Behaviour that is percieved as anywhere near these things is viewed far more harshly than simply being 'quiet' or 'boring'. Reason being, introverts by definition don't have the impact on other people that extroverts can.

I can be a bit of an introvert but also love people's company and socialising. I get on with extroverts well as even they need some quiet chats as well. One of my friends is a real introvert and says she chats most with me as I ask lots of questions. I wouldn't over think it, it takes all sorts.

I’m an introvert in that I tire of socialising after about 6 hours and really need my alone time to recharge. Having guests for days on end for example I really struggle with (though unfortunately I have to do it 4-5 times a year)

However I love a night out/ party. I don’t know why being an introvert and needing alone time to recharge would mean you only have to like walks and sewing or whatever. I mean I love walks, but I do really enjoy a social get together. I think what you’ve stated is just personal taste rather than the fact you’re an introvert. Im
not a massive fan of big groups either, but with any big group, I’m generally only friends with max 3 people in that group so don’t feel like I have to go around talking to everyone.