Is this illegal?

[CarlStoleMyUnderpants]

Discovered someone is cheating on his wife and have contacted two of his siblings to tell them so they can surreptitiously investigate and look out for the wife. I can't prove it as it would be hearsay, but I hoped they'd try and look at his devices or keep an ear out to gain evidence. Have I gone too far? I absolutely know this is happening.

Yes, and as many get slapped down for doing so.

But it's not you doing the looking, it's not your DH having the affair.

You've involved the siblings hoping that they'll go through his phone to find information, they've less right to do so than a spouse has.

If she does then I will tell her what I know.

And no it’s not hacking to take a screenshot. How you get into the phone can be.

I second this 🧐

How are you going to get hold of his phone?

Why can't you just do that now if it's so important? What are you waiting for?

I ask again - what would YOU stand to get out of this? Why are you in such a tiz about someone that you don’t know as well as the affair partner?
What would be the best and worst outcomes?

I'd cut that thread immediately if I were her. You don't sound like much of a friend.

Yes they will probably not have his PIN if he has one or get access.

Would you tell the wife directly? I thought of it but then I thought of all the posts I've seen on here saying that it's bitchy, spiteful etc. I don't know her well but what I know of her is she's a decent woman and loyal to her sleazy husband.

Who are you in this scenario? The cheater, The cheated on or a close friend or relative?
If none of the above, probably keep out of it.
I know of 2 people who had been cheated on by their spouses, they were told by friends, and in both cases the friend was ostracised and called a busybody.
2 cases of shooting the messenger 😉🤨

No, I am absolutely and definitely not. If you'd RTFT you'd know that, too., @Crunchymum

Why have you gone to HIS siblings and not the wife’s family?

No, it's not hacking if you just look at someone's phone.

Women are advised to do this because she is the person involved in the relationship.

Come on OP, you must know that this is ridiculous. If someone asked you to swipe your brother's phone whilst he wasn't looking and secretly go through his messages you would think they were very odd wouldn't you. And you definitely wouldn't do it.

There is absolutely no way they are going to do what you want. Unless you are prepared to tell the wife, then stay out of it. None of your business.

Are you the cheater’s mate? (But hate his guts).

No.

So how did you go from considering telling the wife herself to contacting two of the cheater’s family members? Did you think MN would consider that less bitchy or meddling? What does it matter what MN thinks anyway?

Stepchild?

You have a choice. Tell the wife or stay out if it. Telling HIS siblings was never the right thing to do.

Have you seen them together hand in hand, have you seen them out for a meal, kissing, or indeed engaged in any activity that might lead you to assume they are seeing each other? You say in your first post that you "can't prove it as it would be hersay" which I assume means that somebody told you and until it can be proved it is gossip. This I assume is why you (unwisely in my opionion) you have asked other people to look for substansive proof. It will never reflect well on you no matter what happens and is not something I would ever cotempate doing. However you seem determined, I wonder what is motivating you

Still confused as to how you’re going to get his phone. Breaking and entering is illegal.

Yes you've gone too far and how did you contact them, do you know them personally and have their phone numbers

Most posts I've seen accusing posters of being bitchy is due to it being the poster that's the one having the affair and the relationship had ended and they themselves just wanting to let the wife know all about it thinking it'll only ruin the DH. I can only imagine it doesn't work like that.

@CarlStoleMyUnderpants who are you in relation to these people?

Are you related to or friends with this couple?

How do you know the man’s siblings?

You say you don’t want drama but you’re sounding hell bent on involving yourself. It all comes across as a bit mental and unhinged.

My advice is to stay well out of it. I had a friend's husband tell me about his various affairs and relentlessly pursue me. When she confided in me that she thought he might eb cheating, I told her what I knew. That was 22 years ago and they're still together, she's caught him cheating since, and he still occasionally pursues me for sex. The only person who was left feeling awkward in that situation was me.

You say you don’t want drama but you’re sounding hell bent on involving yourself. It all comes across as a bit mental and unhinged.

A bit throw in a grenade and close the door.