Is this illegal?

[CarlStoleMyUnderpants]

Discovered someone is cheating on his wife and have contacted two of his siblings to tell them so they can surreptitiously investigate and look out for the wife. I can't prove it as it would be hearsay, but I hoped they'd try and look at his devices or keep an ear out to gain evidence. Have I gone too far? I absolutely know this is happening.

Even if she’s in an open marriage she’s hardly likely to want her in-laws to know and be discussing it!
Swingers don’t tend to share all the details with their wider families so that reasoning doesn’t stack up at all.

Either tell her, tell him you know and you’re going to tell her so she should, or say nothing.

L

So for 4 years you've known he has been having an affair and only now you think you need to get involved. Is it the person he's having an affair with partner that you know, have you told them to stop.

If not technically it's an invasion of his privacy and definitely wrong.

The non cowardly, non weird option would be to approach the man concerned directly to warn him to pack it in, or possibly the wronged wife, if you are positive of the facts. Sending messages to members of families to do your dirty work isn’t on at all. And you don’t even know how they will interpret the messages or what action they would take. Probably none. Because adults don’t go through the phones of their family members.

Presumably the fact the person you know best being the affair partner is the reason you’re planning ridiculous cloak and dagger ways of telling people?

You want to blow up his affair, but don’t want to lose your relationship with his affair partner

Whats it got to do with you??

No, I haven't known for four years. I've known since Christmas that it has been going on since 2022. Yes I've told the affair partner what I think of it and our friendship is hanging by a thread as I told her what I think.

Sounds like a shit stirrer wanting drama.

You can't prove it but you've seen evidence?

And your connection to this is that you know the affair partner? Can't really see how it's your business or what help you could be if you're not in a position to be supportive to the betrayed wife.

IANAL but I don't think it's illegal to tell someone that you think their brother is having an affair. I think malicious communication is more about threats and intimidation. That said, I can't see how any of this is your business?

Women on here say they have looked at their partners' phones all the time don't they when they have suspicions?

I’d think you were shit stirring if you contacted me to tell me to hack my brothers phone coz he was having an affair.

Of course it’s not. It’s also none of your business.

Well what a peculiar person you are!

In the first place it is nonsense to claim that MN would disapprove of you telling the wife - at least 50% would have told you she had a right to know!! There have been many threads on this and its ALWAYS 50/50.

If you want her to know tell her, not his siblings!
If you lack the moral courage to tell her yourself don't expect to pass the dirty work to others.

You think it would be best if he stopped playing away but leave the wife in the dark? No chance of her making an informed decision or at least getting a check for STD? That's not in her best interests is it?!

Who made YOU arbiter if morals? And a coward to boot?

Tell her yourself or keep your trap shut.

You do know that some people on Mumsnet can often talk a pile of old bollocks don't you?

Why on earth would you think that this is illegal? That just doesn't make any sense!

You could tell the wife yourself. Involving his siblings is very probably a sticky wicket as family members will often rally round their own miscreant. Blood runs thicker than water and all of that.

While you’re being incensed over him betraying his wife, have you also had a word with your friend the affair partner about their own disgraceful behaviour?

Getting involved in someone else's business by just passing on gossip is not illegal. It is unwise, uncalled for and unecessary but not illegal. It is generally advisable to stay out of other people's affairs be they literal or otherwise.

What's the difference between snooping and hacking? Women on here are told to get evidence from their partners' phones, take photos on their own phones and save them. Is that hacking?

My siblings sex lives and extra marital affairs are nothing to do with me. If someone asked me to do this I would simply ignore them.

It's not gossip.

I don't want drama.

OK, well end the friendship if you want to, that's your business. The rest isn't. If she's that indiscreet, telling people who know his family, then they'll probably get found out eventually. Perhaps she wants you to tell his wife because she thinks then he'll get dumped or made to choose, and he'll go to her, but he won't be able to blame her for it.

It's not illegal, no, but given you have no proof it sounds risky and meddlesome and completely unwarranted.

Also what makes you think they are going to side with his wife and take steps to protect her, instead of either ignoring it or alerting their brother so he can be more careful? And how on earth do you expect them to get access to his devices? I assume they don't live in the same house.

There is a considerable distance between a husband or wife looking on a phone and a sibling doing so.

And even then on threads you’ll often find disapproval of looking at partners phones due to privacy

Once you let the cat out of the bag, you have no control over it.

What will happen, is they will tell her what you've told them and she'll come and speak to you about it.

The woman looking is directly involved. It’s her relationship.

I wouldn’t do it because once you get to that point, the relationship is gone. But that’s why.

it’s not her sibling’s relationship. To go looking.