Is this illegal?

[CarlStoleMyUnderpants]

Discovered someone is cheating on his wife and have contacted two of his siblings to tell them so they can surreptitiously investigate and look out for the wife. I can't prove it as it would be hearsay, but I hoped they'd try and look at his devices or keep an ear out to gain evidence. Have I gone too far? I absolutely know this is happening.

You really need to stop now. This sounds like it’s absolutely none of your business.

If someone contacted me about my brother having an affair I would delete and ignore. I have a good relationship with him but that wouldn't extend to getting involved in his decisions. Message the wife or leave it.

Yeah I was thinking the same. I can’t imagine sibs beating up their brother because he’s having an affair.

A friend of a friend’s husband was a dog (love dogs but I mean he couldn’t stop cocking his leg everywhere, with anyone). Friend tried to talking to her and she metaphorically put her hands over her ears saying ‘can’t hear you’. Some women do not want to know.

No relation whatsoever, I've never met him in my life. Only seen pictures of him. And I am not impressed by those.

"Mumsnet doesn't like that"

Lol, very entertaining OP! 👏

If I was the wife, I would want to know.

So I think you should tell her.

It might possibly blow up her life. But the life she is living is actually a lie.

No, it's not illegal to stick your beak into other people's affairs. Literally.
Not sure if it should be, though.

🤣

What's motivating me is fairness.

I have seen evidence that proves what is going on but I don't have access to that. That is what I mean by hearsay. Not that someone told me that someone told them that Bill is ......

The man's siblings aren't going to be able to get proof that he's cheating. All they can do is ask him if he's cheating on his wife. If he says No, then what??? Also why would the siblings tell their brother's wife, he's cheating? Blood is thicker than water, regardless if the siblings think his behaviour is dreadful; they're more likely keep quiet and say nothing at all.

I don't think you'll get the outcome you want. I'm not saying the siblings won't saying anything to their brother but I don't think it will go much further than that. If you want his wife to know, then you needed to tell her yourself. Unfortunately, unless you have proof, then the likelihood is, that no one will believe you.

If you know how it can be proved why don’t you tell her and then prove it?

Sorry I am on a crap temporary internet connection and didn't see the 'his'. That said they are still her in-laws and you are spreading the information amongst a wider group of people that she is related to - that's still embarrassing and humiliating and she still doesn't know. If you insist on getting involved you need to speak to the people directly involved, not siblings. It's not the job of the siblings to 'knock sense' into anyone, you're just inveigling more people in this painful situation. It feels more like meddling than anything else. Either deal with it directly or stay the hell away. Why don't you speak to him? If you're convinced he's doing this then just talk to him, it's a bit of a cop out to go around the houses.

You mean if you repeat/say it, it will be considered hearsay.

This is absolutely none of your business and you need to stay out of it. If you’re truly disgusted by your friend’s behaviour, then end the friendship.

Aside from that, stay out of it. Do you really expect the siblings to find evidence and present it to their SIL? They’re far more likely to protect their brother.

I say this as someone who has been the wife in this situation and although I wish someone had told me, being honest I probably wouldn’t have believed them. His wife isn’t your responsibility.

So, what are you going to do then? How are you going to get hold of his phone?

It could be proved by her checking his phone, messenger, bank statements (perhaps), wallet, or saying to her to show up at the Mexican Discotheque at 7.30 next Thursday, or follow Bill when he says he's out with the lads, I guess.

I know what you mean, it's all a bit damned-if-you-do/damned-if-you-don't.

You seem to have good intentions, OP - what made you pick the brothers? Do you know them well? Are they likely to be interested/take action? Have you had any response from them?

Not sure about illegality. Fairly sure you're probably getting involved in something that potentially isn't your business though. Why have you done this?

A bit confusing but I think I got there finally.

You have a friend who has been having an affair with a married man for years.

Rather than tell the wife, you decide the best course of action is to tell the cheater’s siblings?! I would delete and ignore any such communication about my siblings.

I don’t understand why you thought this was a good option.

It's a brother and a sister. Yes, the sister has responded actually and said she doesn't speak to him anymore, because of a falling out (I didn't ask what) but she will have a think about what to do going forwards.

Mexican discotheque?

😁

Just a silly example. To avoid me saying the White Bear in Tunbridge Wells.

Sorry OP, you have a certain manner about you and it’s making me laugh. Nothing personal.

This just makes me so uncomfortable. So his no contact sibling you want to get back in contact with him so as to nab his phone and go through it.

do you generally have an issue with appropriate boundaries?