Dh always miserable on birthday

[Blackeyedsun]

It was his birthday yesterday, Dd and I made a cake based on his favourite chocolate bar, blew up balloons, cards-handmade and bought, a couple of small gifts-not expensive as we are going away and don’t go over the top for each other. We blew some balloons up, Dd is little and loves the planning and excitement of it. We had his cake and coffee ready in the morning and were singing to him before work and he looked quite miserable, it was just quiet and awkward and an anti climax. When it’s my birthday I make it fun and look happy for the sake of Dd
It was the same last year, in the evening we had his takeaway of choice (went out the following weekend) and he was saying he felt really down

Sorry repeated twice about balloons

Some people really hate getting older and dread birthdays. If it's only his birthday I wouldn't think too much more about it.

has he always been like this on his birthday though @Blackeyedsun pre-child?

No advice but my husband is EXACTLY the same, i dont get it at all?

I don't mean this in a snarky way, but have you asked him? Some people just seem to struggle to enjoy their birthdays, for a variety of reasons. Perhaps he would prefer to celebrate differently/not at all? What you did sounds lovely btw.

At what point did this start for him?

Did he want a fuss made before last year?

I would always put a smiley happy face on (at least when I'm being sung to!) If people went to all that effort! I'd find that tricky and demoralising too OP. Did he say thank you to both if you at least and give you a kiss? And, importantly, what is his reason?

Jeez... I absolutely hate my birthday. I despise any fuss. Getting up in the morning and cake being shoved in my face with balloons and decorations would be my kind of nightmare.

I do obviously do these things for the kids birthdays but my DH knows that I'd hate that type of fuss.

My ex DH used to be the same, whatever you gave him, whatever effort you made he'd have this 'bravely holding back the disappointment' expression. Drove me mad. I tried to make a big effort for the first few years then gave up. He'd deny anything was wrong so never worked it out.

aye, but yer jist an auld curmudgeon @BudgetBuster? 😉

It might have gone down better, the singing and cake after work? I’d prefer it then instead of when I’d just got up and had to go to work.

Probably 😂
And that doesn't bother me. I go all out and do exactly what each kid would liek on their birthdays... I plan surprises for my DH as he likes surprises. Even for my friends I take them out for lunch or dinner etc whatever they might like. I took my goddaughter out to Primark and to get her nails done at the weekend for her birthday 🎂

But I have always hated the fuss for me. I'd love a takeaway, I hate being sung to and everyone looking at me, it makes me want to crawl out of my skin.

He says he doesn’t know why he feels down, I don’t think it’s an age thing as he’s not fussed about ageing, i’m the one who feels like that on my birthday! But I keep it inside and enjoy it for the sake of Dd in particular

Talk to him. Why is he down on his birthdays? Does he like the attention first thing before his morning coffee?

Same I do too, he said thanks and then actually left to work a bit earlier than usual, it was just all very flat and I could see Dd sensed it

It’s not a huge fuss though, we’re not going out anywhere and presents were just a cup
& t shirt, but would be sad to do nothing and Dd is a happy, party type person, I do it for her sake

Maybe, but it’s just tradition and Dd excited and we set up the night before and up early in the morning

Yes me too, i’m v shy, but for
Dd I lap it up and try to
make it fun

So…just do nothing? Then i’m sure it would be worse

7

Completely empathise 🌻

It's not a huge fuss to you... It sounds like a nightmare to me. Who would it be sad for to do nothing... because right now the actual birthday boy is sad? Could you not have just had the takeaway and the small gifts...? Balloons, a homemade cake firth thing in the morning might be nice for some people but that's a huge fuss to me.

I appreciate that you want to do something nice and the excitement for your child but it's also important to teach kids that different people like different things.