Dh always miserable on birthday

[Blackeyedsun]

It was his birthday yesterday, Dd and I made a cake based on his favourite chocolate bar, blew up balloons, cards-handmade and bought, a couple of small gifts-not expensive as we are going away and don’t go over the top for each other. We blew some balloons up, Dd is little and loves the planning and excitement of it. We had his cake and coffee ready in the morning and were singing to him before work and he looked quite miserable, it was just quiet and awkward and an anti climax. When it’s my birthday I make it fun and look happy for the sake of Dd
It was the same last year, in the evening we had his takeaway of choice (went out the following weekend) and he was saying he felt really down

Good lord

Almost every one of your posts is about your DD.

She needs to learn that not everyone is the same and not everything is about her.

Tell her daddy doesn't particularly enjoy his birthday and that's ok.

Its his birthday he should be allowed to be the way he wants to be i know on here what ever men do is wrong but just leave him be

If you didn't make a fuss your daughter wouldn't have started so leave it he is not a puppet

I'm 60 in June and, apart from a free Bus Pass as I'm in Scotland, I can't think of anything to be happy about.

This ^ Nice to get a few cards but I’d rather be left alone. The OTT with the balloons and singing is pure cringe. If he was miserable last year why force the jollity onto him knowing it’ll make him uncomfortable. It’s his day not yours

Some people just don’t like the fuss, or not first thing, or maybe have a bad memory of birthdays past. You really need to adapt to the person, especially when it’s immediate family!

DD hates anything first thing, she has ASD and it has to fit her routine. She likes to see her gifts are laid out in the living room, will accept a happy birthday hug and then deals with it all after school when she can take her time. In school there is a note on her record that her birthday is not to be mentioned at all. Last year her birthday fell on the day she has something after school and she chose to leave everything until the following day because otherwise it would be too rushed and not fit her preferred routine. So that was what we did.
DS is like a hurricane and will get up early to open his gifts if it’s a school day. He likes attention and fuss, a big badge, recognition in lessons, the whole lot. Also fine.
They’re both teens now, and we do what is going to make them happy, because it’s their day.

Ask your dh what he would prefer. This is meant to be someone you love more than anyone else! If that means doing nothing, so be it.

This.

There's no way at 7 years old she knows when anyone's birthday is so you're creating this fuss, not her.

Whoa…wait a sec, nothing is forced down his throat, he doesn’t not like it and has never said that, he’s just miserable and would likely be even more miserable if we did less

Agree!

Same with me

But you're trying to force him to be happy when he's not?

It's pretty obvious that you only care about your DD feelings in all this. Did you specifically ask him in advance if he wanted a cake and singing shoved in his face when he gets up the morning of his birthday? And has he explicitly told you he likes this fuss.

😂No, we are going away on a fairly expensive break

It definitely will be!

OP why are you so worried about your 7 year old child in all of this?

What does it really have to do with her?

She'll enjoy her own birthday and probably yours by the sound of it, so why are you so fussed about how she sees her dad's birthday?

It's not her day and he's entitled to react however he wants to.

Shoved in his face? Jesus christ, it’s a simple tradition we all do for each other on birthdays because we care and want to show that, so many miserable people

But not everyone is the same? Yes obviously there are a lot of parents who would plaster a smile on for the sake of their kids but that doesn't mean he has to do it. You said last year he hated it so why do it again this year?!

I would hate to be woken up with balloons, cake, card, presents etc all at (I'm guessing) 7-8am before I'm going to work and my face would be a dead giveaway as to how I felt.

I’m a bit like this OP. I will put on a big smile but I find birthdays excruciating.
i used to look forward to them but have had so many disappointing ones that I find them awful.
These days I just book the day off by myself so I only have to see my dc and we just have a nice tea. My dad always sends me a nice card which I love but any more fuss than that and I feel out of sorts.

Is the holiday something fully for him ie something he has always wanted to do / see or is it something for the family?

Because it was miserable and as awkward as f
She spent ages making a card of them both together, decided on his favourite cake, made & decorated it-all simple things and definitely not over the top

But it makes your husband miserable on the 1 day of the year that's all about him 😂

You are literally on here complaining about people.being miserable because they don't like your tradition! YOUR TRADITION!

Exactly

He’s already awake, is a morning person.
As I said i’m v shy and don’t love it all…however, these are supposed to be the good bits of life, if people love you and want to celebrate you, I would put a smile on, I wouldn’t need to fake it, i’d be touched

She's 7.

Has she not noticed he's not been particularly fussed about his past birthdays?

I genuinely think this is down to you and your 'fun fun fun for daddy' attitude.

Just lower her expectations in future and this won't be a problem.

Or better still, get her to give him a card when he's home from work rather than first thing in the morning.

Oh and cut out the balloons etc.

Honestly OP, I would just speak to him and say "Look, it's clear you don't enjoy us making a fuss on your birthday so next year we'll scale it back and leave you be. Just wanted to give you the heads up now so you know what to expect".

And leave it at that.

'So many miserable people' - just because they don't like the things that you do?🤔

Yes, guilt him for not liking the same things as you do.

I think this is perfect.

And actually, you may see an improvement in his mood.