Dh always miserable on birthday

[Blackeyedsun]

It was his birthday yesterday, Dd and I made a cake based on his favourite chocolate bar, blew up balloons, cards-handmade and bought, a couple of small gifts-not expensive as we are going away and don’t go over the top for each other. We blew some balloons up, Dd is little and loves the planning and excitement of it. We had his cake and coffee ready in the morning and were singing to him before work and he looked quite miserable, it was just quiet and awkward and an anti climax. When it’s my birthday I make it fun and look happy for the sake of Dd
It was the same last year, in the evening we had his takeaway of choice (went out the following weekend) and he was saying he felt really down

OP, this is one of those threads where we can see EXACTLY what the issue is.

It's his birthday, it would be nice if it was about him and what he would prefer, not what you and daughter have decided he should like and be excited about.

It's actually quite selfish what you are doing, pretending you're doing something great for your DH but really it's for you and daughter.

Why should he pretend on his birthday? why should it be about your daughters feelings? kids need to know that sometimes they aren't always the main character in a situation.

I know you will scoff at these points as you have done with other similar posts, but that doesn't make them any less relevant.

He should have put a smile on just for the occasion, as your intentions were good and your daughter was excited. But then afterwards he needs to speak to you about what he wants for his birthday. Or you need to ask him directly. You both need to have an honest chat and set expectations for next year now and stop this unrewarding charade.

Another fucker of a man who likes to put a dampener on special occasions. I’ve lost count of similar MN posts like this and have been on the receiving end of it too.

I hate celebrating my birthday tbh but when a child has gone to an effort, any decent person would have the wit to at least pretend to be thankful.

Another woman who puts her own feelings last at the request of her husband, because he knows better than her.

"I don't care how you feel. I want you to paint on a smile because I've gone to all this trouble with the DC.

No thanks.

Is it really too much trouble to smile and say thanks to a young child?

A lot of assumptions here…!

He did.

But the OP needs to stop making her child and herself the centre of her husband's birthdays.

When someone completely disregards your feelings in favour of their own, it doesn't mean you have to be happy about it.

Not once it has already been done but it's selfish and rude of any spouse to push it and encourage the child to get all excited about something that they know the other adult will hate thereby forcing the adult to go along with it and come up with a fake reaction.

OP is insistent this isn't the case and that her DH definitely wants all this fuss but with no indication she's actually checked with him and every suggestion she encourages it for her DD's sake in the first place.

@Blackeyedsun Do you even like your husband? Because you seem to be very focused on the fact he is just a miserable git and how he's ruining HIS BIRTHDAY for your DC.

You are scoffing at anyone who suggests maybe he would prefer something different than your tradition or how maybe he should be allowed to choose how to spend HIS birthday.

You seem to be the one making the decisions and just deciding whatever you do he'll be miserable. I think I'd be miserable too if I wasn't allowed an opinion on my own birthday.

I do understand feeling down' but when someone does something for you, that's a different matter. I can feel that you and your child would have felt deflated. In times that I have felt extremely down I have not been like that with my children, but that is just me and we are not all the same.

I sympathize with you. If you talk to him about it he will likely not be able to see his own behavior, he may think you shouldn't expect him to be happy about what you did for him, what can I say apart from Men are not as empathetic or emotional as us women. I appreciate what you did for him.

I don't dislike birthdays, but my mum wasn't a very nice person and our birthdays (mine and my brothers) were never celebrated. When I turned 21 she said I needed to be buy her a gift bc without her I wouldn't be here.

So to me it's just another day. I make a fuss of my husband, sons, grandmas bday (parents have both passed) but not for my own. x

Edited to say i don't agree with how he reacted to you making an effort. Its incredibly sweet what you did and he was rude to not even force a smile for DD or say thank you x

I hate birthdays and always have! I never take the day off work and have never had a party, if others want to for their birthdays then that’s great but it’s just not for me. And it’s even worse now I’m getting older and don’t particularly want to celebrate another year!

My DH and DC make a big fuss on Mother’s Day instead which works fine for me, maybe you could find a similar compromise with your DH?

Maybe he doesn't want the fuss Sounds as though it's more for you DC than him anyway.

I learned quite quickly not to make an effort for my DH’s birthday. After a couple years of being together, I stopped doing anything special. I buy a card from the children and chocolates and hand them to him and say happy birthday.
He seems just happy with that. I go overboard with the kids birthdays instead.

Is it because he doesn't want to show gratitude OP?
That if he acts happy then he's acknowledging that you're doing something nice and he can't allow himself to do that?
Does he make any effort with you and DD? is he generally loving and giving?
Obviously it could be that he doesn't want any fuss but for me it depends on how he is the other 365 days a year.
P.S I don't want fuss on my birthday but always show my gratitude to my DH/DC for any effort they make.

Yeah you’re focussing on your daughter on your husband’s birthday, no wonder he’s annoyed.

A chance for you to dispense with them.

Only on Mumsmet could giving a present & singing happy birthday be construed as making that person’s birthday all about you 😂

I won’t be teaching my DD to tiptoe around a sulking man in any case 😁

Well it's certainly not about the person whose birthday it is, if you've fully read the thread.

No one has to " tiptoe" round him. Just hand over a card , say happy birthday and job done. It's quite simple

God, I'd love a new car for my birthday! 🤭😁

Will you be teaching her to force other people into your idea of fun even if it's not what they want?

Lol shame I noticed that and corrected it.

Is he always miserable? Do you think he has depression? He may need therapy. Get him to see a Dr.

I once emailed 101 and reported a black 'cat' travelling at speed! 🙈