Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL wants engagement ring back after husband went no contact

474 replies

Nic1210 · 03/03/2026 09:28

My husband decided to go no contact with his Mother around 4 years ago (I have posted previously about this - she is a piece of work).
We have only seen her once since at my Sister In Laws wedding and it was very awkward and brief. It was also the first time she met her Granddaughter and she was looking down at her at any opportunity and made no effort to take accountability for her previous actions.

Out of the blue, we woke up yesterday morning to a letter sent via iCloud at midnight the previous night, a badly typed out message explaining she respects our decision but it is hurtful for me to wear the engagement ring she freely gave to my husband when he made the decision to propose nine years ago. My husband wanted to save money for a ring to pirchase but she was insistent that he take a ring. The ring was a made for her as an eternity ring from an Amsterdam diamond bought for her 40th birthday from her ex husband (Hubby's Dad). When she gave it to my husband she said she no longer wanted it and was happy for my Husband to give to me.

This is the second time she has asked for it back, the first time she demanded it back after a row (one-sided), when she called me a bitch and other expletives for leaving the room when she was verbally abusing my husband.
I feel this is last thing my MIL believes she has control over.
AIBU to keep hold of my engagement ring? The ring is legally mine as it is deemed a gift, it is not a family heirloom and I have got more joy from it then she ever did or would do in the future. I honestly think she anticipated us to break up when she gave it away, myself and husband are happily married with our fabulous daughter, she would have continued to make my husbands life (a potentially our daughters life) miserable if we remained in contact.

OP posts:
Cyclebabble · 04/03/2026 18:43

The ring is being used as a tool of control by a narcissist. Send it back recorded with no note. Then she looses control. Get another ring you both like

Flowersforyourchocolateprettyplease · 04/03/2026 18:48

You getting rid of it by selling would be through resentment, just like her.
Absolutely do not give it to your DD with all the bad luck attached to it.

You've been on this thread for a while when if you'd given it back when she first asked, you'd be free.

I'd give it back and close that chapter.

If you buy/donate it, she'll ask for the money equivalent back. She won't just say, oh ok, never mind.

Like most have said, why do you feel the need to hold on to a toxic ring?
A new one from DH's own money and your choice would be a start to no more engagement ties to MIL and make new and better memories.

Whatever you buy with its proceeds will always be connected to the ring.

Let go OP. But as others have also said, have proof you've handed it over.

You'll be surprised at how .such lighter you feel after it's gone.

Tamboreen · 04/03/2026 19:03

I just couldn't be bothered with the drama. I'd just give it back and get a new one and be done with it.

TheDaysAreGettingLongerAtLast · 04/03/2026 19:16

2chocolateoranges · 03/03/2026 09:33

As others have said,it was a gift however every time I looked at my ring it would remind me of her.

id melt it down and redesign it into a new engagement ring for you.

That's perverse

TheDaysAreGettingLongerAtLast · 04/03/2026 19:18

This ring was made for her so I would give it back given that you have gone no contact with her. I wouldn't want to keep it due to the connection alone.
Your husband should do the right thing and take you out to pick out one you like.

Jukeboxjulie69 · 04/03/2026 19:19

Nic1210 · 03/03/2026 09:28

My husband decided to go no contact with his Mother around 4 years ago (I have posted previously about this - she is a piece of work).
We have only seen her once since at my Sister In Laws wedding and it was very awkward and brief. It was also the first time she met her Granddaughter and she was looking down at her at any opportunity and made no effort to take accountability for her previous actions.

Out of the blue, we woke up yesterday morning to a letter sent via iCloud at midnight the previous night, a badly typed out message explaining she respects our decision but it is hurtful for me to wear the engagement ring she freely gave to my husband when he made the decision to propose nine years ago. My husband wanted to save money for a ring to pirchase but she was insistent that he take a ring. The ring was a made for her as an eternity ring from an Amsterdam diamond bought for her 40th birthday from her ex husband (Hubby's Dad). When she gave it to my husband she said she no longer wanted it and was happy for my Husband to give to me.

This is the second time she has asked for it back, the first time she demanded it back after a row (one-sided), when she called me a bitch and other expletives for leaving the room when she was verbally abusing my husband.
I feel this is last thing my MIL believes she has control over.
AIBU to keep hold of my engagement ring? The ring is legally mine as it is deemed a gift, it is not a family heirloom and I have got more joy from it then she ever did or would do in the future. I honestly think she anticipated us to break up when she gave it away, myself and husband are happily married with our fabulous daughter, she would have continued to make my husbands life (a potentially our daughters life) miserable if we remained in contact.

Tbh I’d sell it and tell her you lost it just to be petty and get one over on her. Then choose a nice ring together. Why would she want it when it’s off her ex husband? Perhaps he’s the one that has more right to it than her. My guess is that she will just sell it anyway to spite you. Block her on all forms of communication

Sillyname63 · 04/03/2026 19:22

BudgetBuster · 03/03/2026 09:40

I'd be inclined to be petty with her and say you've given it back to her ex husband (your FIL) as he was the original purchaser 😂
If she expects you to give the ring back, surely she should have given it back to him when they seperated.

For now I'd probably ignore her. Realistically when will you ever see her again? But I'd also hint at your DH that for your 10th anniversary a nice new ring you pick together would be lovely!

This is exactly what I thought too😂

MrsOlderButWiser · 04/03/2026 19:26

Keep the ring. Your husband gave it to you with so much love when he proposed. I personally would ignore the email and not acknowledge it. How does she know that you have abandoned that email address.

Original poster
Nic1210 · 04/03/2026 19:31

Shelby2010 · 04/03/2026 18:40

The mistake you made was opening her email.

Keep the ring, it’s obvious through your posts that it holds a lot of sentimental value to you. If it wasn’t this, it would be something else that she would be bitching about. And if she ‘wins’ over this then she’ll fight even harder next time.

If you feel you need to reply, although ignoring her would be best, tell her that you offered it back to FIL as the original owner & he told you to keep it. Why would she want a ring given by her ex anyway?

We regret opening the message, it was a chink in our armour how it got to us on iCloud, we honestly believed she did some soul searching and might have tried to re-open communication in a thoughtful out way.

How wrong we were, never falling for that again!

We have no idea why she would want a ring her ex husband gave her. She is doing this out of spite.

OP posts:
JustMeAndTheFish · 04/03/2026 19:32

Hell no. But I’d file it away in my jewellery box and choose a new one that I love. I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction.

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 04/03/2026 19:33

Tell her you lost it. Drama ends.

Chilbolton80 · 04/03/2026 19:36

It's yours so you don't need to return it. Maybe have the stones remodelled into earrings or a pendant, to put away for your DD's eighteenth birthday. That way, you aren't bring reminded of a difficult relationship, and it would be hard for MIL to object to it being passed on to her own GD.
Then choose a new ring for you. Win win!

UnhappyHobbit · 04/03/2026 19:36

This is a difficult one. I can see why you’re torn. I personally would give it back I think but I also understand why you wouldn’t as you’ve made it your own.

I have a difficult mother and she tried to force a ring on me. I knew it would be more trouble than it’s worth.

But you need to make sure that you definitely do get a ring first. Tell Gollum she can can her previous back once you’ve bought a new one.

RosyDaysAhead · 04/03/2026 19:36

If she wants to be this level of petty, I’d go one further! I’d speak to a solicitor to get confirmation that the ring is yours, she knew you had it and she cannot report it as stolen because you have the evidence of her asking for it back after 9 years…. If she felt it was stolen she would have asked for it before now (I know it’s not stolen just covering bases… bear with me!)
Once I had this confirmed by a solicitor I would ask them to write a letter to her saying that if she continues to harass you and your husband for the return of this ring you will report her to the police for harassment or whatever the legal term is.

This may give her enough of a scare to back off, and if not then go to the police, with times and dates that she has contacted you and report her and ask for a stalking protection order

Frillysweetpea · 04/03/2026 19:38

If the original design reminds you of MIL but you love the metal, stones etc what about finding an independent jeweller and having it redesigned? You could add extra stones to celebrate your years of happy marriage.

Bestistnanna24 · 04/03/2026 19:40

Nic1210 · 03/03/2026 09:37

I have always had mixed feelings about the ring. And I remember when my husband gave it to me, I knew even back then it would cause drama. I even went so far to believe it is a cursed ring because his parents got it made when they were going through hard times in their marriage!

I have become attached to it over the years and see it now as my ring. But completely agree with what everyone is saying here, it would be liberating to choose out own ring.

I'd sell it and buy a lovely new ring that you both choose, or pawn it and give her the receipt, if she wants it so bad then she can buy it back 🤣🤣

BunnyLake · 04/03/2026 19:41

I don’t think you are being U as such, but I personally wouldn’t get that much joy out of it due to it reminding me of your ghastly mil. I’d happily give it back and, if finances allow, go ring shopping with dh and get maybe an antique ring.

TheDaysAreGettingLongerAtLast · 04/03/2026 19:41

Jukeboxjulie69 · 04/03/2026 19:19

Tbh I’d sell it and tell her you lost it just to be petty and get one over on her. Then choose a nice ring together. Why would she want it when it’s off her ex husband? Perhaps he’s the one that has more right to it than her. My guess is that she will just sell it anyway to spite you. Block her on all forms of communication

Show quote history

It's not just any ring you can buy from a jewellery shop.
This ring was specifically made for her at a time she was in love with her ex- husband so it probably has sentimental value.

OP's husband never paid for one and is now earning a good living so is in a position to pay for one to be made if necessary for his wife.

Jukeboxjulie69 · 04/03/2026 19:58

TheDaysAreGettingLongerAtLast · 04/03/2026 19:41

It's not just any ring you can buy from a jewellery shop.
This ring was specifically made for her at a time she was in love with her ex- husband so it probably has sentimental value.

OP's husband never paid for one and is now earning a good living so is in a position to pay for one to be made if necessary for his wife.

Show quote history

I don’t disagree but MIL is now divorced so the ring would likely be meaningless to her. She wants it back out of spite and for that reason I’d say it’s lost. It’s a lesson in , treating people nicely might get you what you want

arcticrollypolly · 04/03/2026 20:08

I’d get a new ring but not give the original back. I’d stick it in a box at the back of a drawer and make vague noises if she ever mentioned it again.

But I’m a petty, petty bitch.

Ileithyia · 04/03/2026 20:14

Do you have any contact with FIL? What is he like? If you think about it the ring is as much his as it is MILs, so it’s not just a reminder/link to her, it’s also a link to FIL.

If you want to keep the ring you are under no obligation to give it back to MIL, ignore the letter, stay no contact and enjoy your ring.

Babyijustdontgetit · 04/03/2026 20:16

I don’t like my MIL and my DH hasn’t gone no contact so in your case I’d definitely give the ring back as couldn’t bear wearing anything to do with her! Let her be pathetic and get a nice new one that’s yours and not hers!!

catlover123456789 · 04/03/2026 20:17

She wants to upset you. Do whatever upsets you the least.

crazeekat · 04/03/2026 20:19

I would keep it for all the name calling and trouble u have had to put up with. It’s yours, u have an attachment to it regardless, so keep it and wear it x

babyproblems · 04/03/2026 20:32

goodness she sounds insufferable.
id give it back only so I could have nothing more to do with her. She clearly doesn’t know what a gift is!!!! There’s no way and I mean no way, that you are obligated to give it back. Terrible on her part.