MIL wants engagement ring back after husband went no contact

[Nic1210]

My husband decided to go no contact with his Mother around 4 years ago (I have posted previously about this - she is a piece of work).
We have only seen her once since at my Sister In Laws wedding and it was very awkward and brief. It was also the first time she met her Granddaughter and she was looking down at her at any opportunity and made no effort to take accountability for her previous actions.

Out of the blue, we woke up yesterday morning to a letter sent via iCloud at midnight the previous night, a badly typed out message explaining she respects our decision but it is hurtful for me to wear the engagement ring she freely gave to my husband when he made the decision to propose nine years ago. My husband wanted to save money for a ring to pirchase but she was insistent that he take a ring. The ring was a made for her as an eternity ring from an Amsterdam diamond bought for her 40th birthday from her ex husband (Hubby's Dad). When she gave it to my husband she said she no longer wanted it and was happy for my Husband to give to me.

This is the second time she has asked for it back, the first time she demanded it back after a row (one-sided), when she called me a bitch and other expletives for leaving the room when she was verbally abusing my husband.
I feel this is last thing my MIL believes she has control over.
AIBU to keep hold of my engagement ring? The ring is legally mine as it is deemed a gift, it is not a family heirloom and I have got more joy from it then she ever did or would do in the future. I honestly think she anticipated us to break up when she gave it away, myself and husband are happily married with our fabulous daughter, she would have continued to make my husbands life (a potentially our daughters life) miserable if we remained in contact.

I’d give it back too

Tell her that of course she can have it back! £2000 will cover it

Tell her to do one then have the stone reset into a design of your choice and get your husband to pay for it. No way would I give it back, she's controlling and this is her last effort to exert some power. If you see it as yours then keep it and the resetting will make it yours

Tell her you've sold it, and then do that though you probably won't get much for it. You and your DH can buy something without the bad vibes.

I would give it back purely because it is the last “link” you have with her and every time you look at the ring it reminds you of her. However if, when you look at the ring, it gives you joy and does not remind you of her then keep it. It’s a very personal decision based on how you feel about MIL. From a legal perspective it is yours.

@WaryOP your post has nothing whatsoever to do with this thread. You need to start your own thread if you want people to engage with your question.

Click on "Start New Thread" at the top of the page to get started.

Tell her to do one then have the stone reset into a design of your choice and get your husband to pay for it. No way would I give it back, she's controlling and this is her last effort to exert some power. If you see it as yours then keep it and the resetting will make it yours

I'd keep it and block the baggage.

Get a cheap fake copy made and hand that back to her
she gets off your back and you keep ring you like
offer her the value of it

There is no way I would give her the satisfaction of getting the ring back. All that is doing is giving her permission to keep demanding other stuff, either materialistic or emotional blackmail etc. You can guarantee it won't be her last ask.

I'd be as petty as getting a solicitor's letter warning her off from demanding what was a gift in the first place. Then, with hubby's blessing, I would have the ring taken apart and redesigned, or even selling the diamond to buy another and have a different ring designed.

I would give it back.

Do you actually want to wear it? To me it would be tainted.

It's yours! Ignore the mean bat 🦇 she's just trying to spoil something nice for you don't let her! It's your engagement ring, a gift from DH's Dad that became a symbol of your love and marriage, don't let her bitterness take that from you and wear it as a symbol of love always winning

Would love to see a pic of the ring... I do think if you love it because it is actually your own engagement ring which your husband gave you that you should hang on to it. Jewellery is often passed on and your MIL is not justified in any way in asking for it back. The ring means a lot to you as i can see from your posts. Keep it. Keep wearing it and keep on loving it. I am trying to imagine what it looks like though...

you say she’s a narcissist, well this is her trying to get her supply back. Best thing you can do is ignore her letter, delete it, throw it in the trash and carry on living your best life with your husband.
Do not acknowledge her letter, do not be pulled in to her drama, just grey rock her.
Keep that ring on your finger that she gifted your husband and forget about her.

Yes do this then tell the witch she can't have the ring back as you no longer have it.

Then block her.

The ring is yours. You do not have to give it back. Gifts are gifts and the giver cannot demand their return without proving that they were never a gift, but a loan. She clearly can't prove that.

It it were me I would sell the ring, and use the money to buy a new ring that was to my taste as I expect the old ring is clunky, but if you like it then go ahead and keep it.

I think I’d give it back and give your dh the opportunity of choosing another ring.

When I handed it back I’d tell her that you never really liked it anyway, and your dh is buying you a brand new ring to replace it.

Or you could give it back to your FIL

Never in a million years would I retain ownership of this ring. It’s tainted with bad feeling, resentment, dislike, anger…..you name it it’s tainted, not to mention the MIL’s control. Despite your ownership now this ring your MIL has given you, is merely her giving you a stick to hit you with. Return it and be done!

This

You are no contact. Don’t respond in any way, continue to live your life and ignore her. What’s she going to do?
Block her on whatever platform you used.

Have you thought about speaking to your father-in-law about this and maybe getting his blessing to have the stone reset? Then you can choose the design of the ring but you still get the lovely stone?

Keep it, but have it smelted down into something new. His Dad bought it, so it could be a reminder of his Dad, not his Mum. Is his dad nice? Have it smelted and then combined with another ring, have it engraved and your daughter can have it when she is older. The ring deserves a better story.

It petty but it should go back I think your husband should buy you a new one I can see why she wants it back to be honest I wouldn’t ask for it back but just give it back if you like it just have one made the same design al least it won’t be tainted I wouldn’t want it really .

Good God..NO.
She didn't want it! She gave it to your husband ! HE gave it to you! You owe her nothing. Your husband, by the sound of it also owes her nothing.
If HE doesn't want to keep it..then sell it! Both of you then choose a new one!
Both of you of then have a happy loving marriage to spite her.

The mistake you made was opening her email.

Keep the ring, it’s obvious through your posts that it holds a lot of sentimental value to you. If it wasn’t this, it would be something else that she would be bitching about. And if she ‘wins’ over this then she’ll fight even harder next time.

If you feel you need to reply, although ignoring her would be best, tell her that you offered it back to FIL as the original owner & he told you to keep it. Why would she want a ring given by her ex anyway?