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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL wants engagement ring back after husband went no contact

474 replies

Nic1210 · 03/03/2026 09:28

My husband decided to go no contact with his Mother around 4 years ago (I have posted previously about this - she is a piece of work).
We have only seen her once since at my Sister In Laws wedding and it was very awkward and brief. It was also the first time she met her Granddaughter and she was looking down at her at any opportunity and made no effort to take accountability for her previous actions.

Out of the blue, we woke up yesterday morning to a letter sent via iCloud at midnight the previous night, a badly typed out message explaining she respects our decision but it is hurtful for me to wear the engagement ring she freely gave to my husband when he made the decision to propose nine years ago. My husband wanted to save money for a ring to pirchase but she was insistent that he take a ring. The ring was a made for her as an eternity ring from an Amsterdam diamond bought for her 40th birthday from her ex husband (Hubby's Dad). When she gave it to my husband she said she no longer wanted it and was happy for my Husband to give to me.

This is the second time she has asked for it back, the first time she demanded it back after a row (one-sided), when she called me a bitch and other expletives for leaving the room when she was verbally abusing my husband.
I feel this is last thing my MIL believes she has control over.
AIBU to keep hold of my engagement ring? The ring is legally mine as it is deemed a gift, it is not a family heirloom and I have got more joy from it then she ever did or would do in the future. I honestly think she anticipated us to break up when she gave it away, myself and husband are happily married with our fabulous daughter, she would have continued to make my husbands life (a potentially our daughters life) miserable if we remained in contact.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nic1210 · 04/03/2026 11:48

TheMorgenmuffel · 04/03/2026 11:01

If it is handled properly, it's not satisfaction she'll be getting. If it's handed back like it means nothing, it was nothing more than a tolerated hand-me-down in the first place, and the op and husband are delighted to get the opportunity to do something lovely and special together then any satisfaction she may get from getting the ring back would be cancelled out by the realisation that they never gave a shit about the ring and are out having a lovely time doing something special and meaningful and that she doesn't matter enough to even argue with.

Edited

I have never thought about it that way. I'm still conflicted on how I feel about the ring as it is still very sentimental and I have worn it for such a long time and through a lot of great times in my marriage and life. I'd be lying if I gave it back and pretended it meant nothing to me.

I do appreciate everyone's perspectives and nuanced answers here. Part of me does want to unburden myself and start fresh, but there is so much doubt and also a disappointment in my MIL's narcissistic behaviour that I despise acknowledging / conceding to.

OP posts:
FuriousInventions · 04/03/2026 11:53

I’d sell it, put the money to a new engagement ring of your choosing, and if there’s any money left over then I’d pay her the surplus back. If there isn’t anything left over, just tell her you no longer have the ring.

Conniebygaslight · 04/03/2026 11:55

Nic1210 · 04/03/2026 11:48

I have never thought about it that way. I'm still conflicted on how I feel about the ring as it is still very sentimental and I have worn it for such a long time and through a lot of great times in my marriage and life. I'd be lying if I gave it back and pretended it meant nothing to me.

I do appreciate everyone's perspectives and nuanced answers here. Part of me does want to unburden myself and start fresh, but there is so much doubt and also a disappointment in my MIL's narcissistic behaviour that I despise acknowledging / conceding to.

Show quote history

Then clearly you don't want to give it back OP....you have you're answer

TheMorgenmuffel · 04/03/2026 11:58

Nic1210 · 04/03/2026 11:48

I have never thought about it that way. I'm still conflicted on how I feel about the ring as it is still very sentimental and I have worn it for such a long time and through a lot of great times in my marriage and life. I'd be lying if I gave it back and pretended it meant nothing to me.

I do appreciate everyone's perspectives and nuanced answers here. Part of me does want to unburden myself and start fresh, but there is so much doubt and also a disappointment in my MIL's narcissistic behaviour that I despise acknowledging / conceding to.

Show quote history

At the end of the day it is your ring and she has no legal or moral right to it.

She can moan and threaten all she likes, she has no power here. The decision is yours and yours alone.

I'm just a petty, petty fucker who would get more pleasure from socking it to her than I would get from a lifetime of a ring on my finger. 😄

Labelledelune · 04/03/2026 13:21

Pawn it and send her the pawn ticket 😜

truffleruffle · 04/03/2026 13:33

What would your mil say if you said you’d given it away or had it remodelled . 🤣

maudelovesharold · 04/03/2026 13:34

I have to say, nothing on earth would make me want to wear or keep the ring with this much nonsense surrounding it. I’d just return it with a note saying that she’s welcome to it, you’ve never liked it and you only accepted it because you didn’t want to upset dh at the time. Oh, and can you have the money in lieu, please!

namechangetheworld · 04/03/2026 13:39

"Sorry, I lost it." And then block her.

No chance would I give her the satisfaction of returning it. It's yours, given to your by your husband. It's absolutely nothing to do with her.

FeralWoman · 04/03/2026 13:46

@Nic1210 Keep it. It’s yours and you love it. It’s a ring that was chosen with love by your FIL. Appreciate his good taste in jewellery. It was given to you with love by your DH. I would cut MIL out of the ring’s story altogether. She gave it to her DS, not you. Nothing to do with you and both you and DH owe her nothing. I read your other thread about MIL. Holy crap. What a fucking bitch. She doesn’t deserve the title of grandmother. Please keep your child away from that poisonous woman. No good can come from them having a relationship. She already damaged one child (DH). Don’t let her damage a second one.

disturbia · 04/03/2026 14:24

Just tell her "no" or don't respond at all. She is being unkind to you

NeptuneOrion · 04/03/2026 17:50

I would sell it and go on a nice holiday.
YANBU.

Wingingit247 · 04/03/2026 17:53

Absolutely within your right to keep it, but aren’t you reminded of her and all her bad points every time you look at it? I wouldn’t want it!!

Mandaxx25 · 04/03/2026 17:55

I'd give it back to her. I wouldn't want anything she could hold over me or have an excuse to contact me about. Id send it back recorded delivery, film yourself packing it up and then posting it. Leave a little note saying kindly don't contact us again. Then get yourself a pretty ring you can love that's all yours and forget about her.

gov · 04/03/2026 17:57

The diamond was bought by your husband’s father - so it’s coming down his family line. Get it melted down and remodelled - so that like your husband, it’s a product of both of his parents - but remodelled to be just perfect for you!

She then can’t moan that it hurts her to see you wearing it, you can’t give her her ring back, because it no longer exists - and it won’t remind anyone of her, but may still remind both you and your husband how you have moved on from taking her shit.

Bunny65 · 04/03/2026 17:58

It's your ring now. Ignore her, she probably wants to sell it.

Buffs · 04/03/2026 17:58

If you want it, keep it, you have every right to.

Noononoo · 04/03/2026 17:58

She gifted it with hope for her son and you. As there is no longer a relationship I think you should give it back. She feels betrayed. You have no moral right to keep it.

pouletvous · 04/03/2026 17:59

Give it back. Its just a piece of metal. Dont give her an excuse to harrass you

OldScribbler · 04/03/2026 18:02

I would keep it if only because it would annoy her.
So many of these stories remind me of my much-missed father’s observation: “no row like a family row”.

Judecb · 04/03/2026 18:04

It's yours to do with as you wish. I'd sell it and buy another ring that doesn't have all the baggage!!

LoftyPlumLion · 04/03/2026 18:04

I’d give it back. Find a clean one. It doesn’t need to be expensive or showy just one that means something

WaryOP · 04/03/2026 18:04

Found an app on my phone called CamHi and suspect an ex might have put it there . Has anyone had a similar experience

Tiaptia85 · 04/03/2026 18:04

I wouldn't give it back just to p.ss her off. Keep it for your kids. She can f.ck off. Just buy yourself a new ring.

Dancingintherain09 · 04/03/2026 18:05

Nic1210 · 03/03/2026 09:37

I have always had mixed feelings about the ring. And I remember when my husband gave it to me, I knew even back then it would cause drama. I even went so far to believe it is a cursed ring because his parents got it made when they were going through hard times in their marriage!

I have become attached to it over the years and see it now as my ring. But completely agree with what everyone is saying here, it would be liberating to choose out own ring.

The other option would be to sell the ring and use the money to buy something truly yours. You are totally within your rights to do so as it was gifted to you so you are the rightful owner of the ring. This would stop her asking for it, as you no longer have it.

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 04/03/2026 18:06

Give it back. It’ll give her an excuse to contact you both otherwise. Get a new one that has nothing to do with mil.