To book an extra holiday cottage without mum’s consent?

[portuguese]

Every year my mum pays for her, dad, my dbro wife and two kids, and me, dh, three kids, to go on a week long UK holiday. All the “kids” are now mid 20s! It’s a great way for people to get to see each other.

We always rent the same house. This year, DD aged 25 asked if she could bring her boyfriend. They’ve been together since they were 19 and live together. My mum said no because that would change the dynamic of the holiday and we’d need to get a different house. We offered to bridge any extra cost. The answer was no and she rebooked holiday house.

DD is annoyed and not sure she will go. I’m tempted to book an extra holiday apartment that’s on the same street as the house for DD and her bf to stay in. DD said she’d be happy to pay. AIBU?

Neither you nor your daughter is unreasonable in your thinking. However, it wouldn't be reasonable to make a decision on what to do without engaging with your mum on it.

It does sound like she's struggling with the change.

Your mum thinks that there is a scenario where DD will come alone. However, that isn't not one of the options that your DD is now considering which are: come with boyfriend, or don't come.

If your mum is presented with these 2 options as the only options, she may acquiesce and choose one.

I think a reasonable conversation can be had (or at least started!) to let her choose. Because either way the dynamic is going to change and she can be a part of it.

You don’t need your mother’s permission. If she wants to be controlling and leave people out who are partners because it ruins what’s in her mind the holiday then tell her that your side won’t be going.

Ask your mum if she would have wanted to go away with her gran and not her partner at 25!?

This

Why on earth would you need your mother's permission to book a separate accomodation for your DD and her partner? She's within her rights to exclude people from a place she's paying for, but you are free to spend your money as you wish. Mum sounds a bit of a control freak and now might be a good time for everyone to start offering to contribute to the expense of these holidays or else granny will be vacation overlord for life.

Surely the more the merrier.. I'd be delighted if my kids still want to come away with us in their twenties. it would be different if you were expecting her to pay more, but you're not.

People don't have that much holiday so it's a lot to expect your daughter to give up a week of holiday allowance to go away without her boyfriend. I'd ask would she prefer 2 more people, or one grand daughter missing? What if she had a child, would they be allowed?! it's a bit odd.