Shocked at DFs revelation

[Stepsisterfromhell]

My DF is an advanced age. He has recently confided to me that my stepsister tried to seduce him years ago (she was an adult ofc) He never told anyone including his wife, my stepmother. He does not want anyone to know and has asked me not to tell anyone, The reason he told me is because he thinks she is trying to get him put in a care home so she can move in with her mother, He doesn’t trust her. WWYD?

YABU - you must l tell the rest of the family
YANBU - respect his wishes and keep quiet

Respect his wishes, then you can be on his side. All you would gain from telling the rest of the family right now is a whole lot of drama

I'd be more worried that at some point she will speak about this encounter with a different version

This

@Stepsisterfromhell what @TyneTeas said

Perhaps op could write down or record her relying of what he said with a time stamp, incase it's useful in the future.

Is his wife (her dm) aware or involved?
Anyway is your df definitely innocent?

I hadn’t considered this but now that I do, if she did this I don’t think anyone will believe her - except perhaps her mother. She is a bit of a fantasist.

i asked him whether he might have misinterpreted her actions and he was adamant. He said he told her off as he thought of her as a daughter. She apologised and they haven’t mentioned it again, except on one occasion when she was being pushy and mean and he asked her whether he should mention that incident to her mother and she stopped in her tracks. It happened about ten years ago.

My initial thoughts:

• does he have LPA - are you named OP?
• is he still living with/married to your step-mum?
• yes, to recording a conversation with him, with his consent.
• possibly visit a solicitor to have a statement documented and recorded?
• does he have a will (if step sister is excluded he might want to document this with his reasons - with a solicitors help?)

No, he said he never mentioned it to his wife. He did not want to cause waves. I am certain that he didn’t do anything to her but I worry that he misconstrued what she said or did. I don’t really want to accuse her of anything. But I can see that she is trying to oust him from his house.

He says he wants me to have LPA jointly with stepDM. I think he has been worrying because his wife is trying to get LPA and he thinks stepdaughter is behind it (her mum dotes on her). So he wants me as a counterweight.

Yes he is still with stepmother.

He's also concerned because they had a will with me as executor but it’s been “lost” and stepmother wants to make a new one for him with her as executor. How do we go about finding a lost will?

How old was stepsister at the time of the alleged seduction? How old was DF?

What do you think she would have been hoping to achieve, by seducing her mother's husband?

@Stepsisterfromhell

If his will was drafted by a solicitor they will have kept a copy of it.

And speaking of solicitors, you need to get your dad to one, pronto! Both of you need to get information on how dad can be protected legally. He needs to be able to tell the solicitor about finances (joint/separate) and the house (whether it was his house before or they purchased it jointly) and if her name is on the deeds.

I think it's foolish of him to have you and his wife as POAs unless it's a JOINT one where both of you must sign off on any actions. If he is suspicious of her motives, he needs to name you as sole POA.

Just out of curiosity, how long have he and his wife been married?

Was the will notarised and legal if so it’ll be with a lawyer surely.

You can also look here too

https://www.nationalwillregister.co.uk

She was in her 40s and he was in his 60s. Her marriage had just broken up. He had been her stepdad since she was about 10. It’s so gross. But I can see her doing something as messed up as that. I don’t have much of a relationship with her but she is definitely a bit off.

My DF told me in detail the events of the day and how it unfolded. I thought he must have misconstrued at first but it does not seem so.

They can’t find the will in the house and do not remember where they had it drawn up.

Yes, I think the idea is a joint PoA.

They’ve been married 40 years. He loves his wife but I think he worries that if it’s between the stepdaughter and him, she will choose her daughter.

Should I discuss with other siblings or no?

I would be having a hard talk with your dad, in private, about what he wants re will, POA, finances etc.

Explain to him that both you and he need the protection of legal documents so he needs to see a solicitor experienced in this stuff. He may have to pay good money for it. These documents will be the bulwark against the stepdaughter.

Also, make your own notes about all your discussions, including his revelation, as suggested above with time stamps. Don’t discuss anything with anyone else until any actions have been completed. Involving a committee will just be a pain in the arse.

It’s all most unpleasant for you.

I would go with him to the solicitors if he agrees.

Without discussing it, you could be seen as the manipulative one. You obviously don't like her. The incident happened as her marriage broke down and she was possibly in perimenopause, it sounds as though she needed help. He should have told his wife. Are they living in what was your family home? If he does see her as a DD, is he now wanting to cut her out? What has she previously said to make you think that she is a fantasist? Does your father need care?

Well this. I'm sure she will say it was the other way round!

Are you 100% sure that he was telling the truth? My first reaction was...very suss.

I think you should respect his wishes and help him to get a will and LPA drawn up without being manipulated by his wife or SD. I don't see how that incident 10 years ago has anything to do with the issues today?

Maybe offer to take him and his wife to a solicitor to talk through what he'd like and get the documents drawn up, then you can help him stand up for what he wants without it looking like you are pulling strings behind the scenes.

One of my husband's uncles when old became convinced that women everywhere were lusting after him. It was all in his mind. My very elderly FIL became convinced that black people were pursuing him (and his own wife was mixed race - he used to fall asleep in front of the television and became mixed up with what was real and what he was watching). One of my friends said that her mother in law - all of eighty odd and in ill health - said she had been made to strip naked and perform an erotic dance for the hospital doctors - again all in her mind. I would keep this confidence on the basis that it might entirely untrue and isn't relevant to the present circumstances.

I'd talk to your other siblings about his fears about the POA and will but maybe don't mention the other stuff yet. You need to see his solicitor with him and maybe your other siblings asap.

You may also want to consider that her version of events may be the truth