to be sick of silent DH during meals?

[Bubblewrappery]

DH has always been like this and I'm now totally sick of it.

Every meal time he will focus on his food and ignore any conversation. It's as though he comes up for air at the end and might then acknowledge us. He doesn't eat quickly and his manners are otherwise fine, but this is really, really pissing me off.

We have two DC and one in particular is a chatter. Every single mealtime, it's me fielding her questions; commenting on things the DC say; adding to the conversation etc, etc. He just sits and eats, barely even noticing us.

We went out for DS's birthday meal yesterday, and I was furious because, yet again, DH just ate and ignored. It wasn't a cheap meal and I would have liked some company from him!

Over the years I bring this up (as do the DC), but he just gets annoyed,

AIBU to expect him to contribute to conversation?

Again people are interpreting any conversation during a meal as endless chattering and inane constant blather.

Do you really sit in complete silence with just the sounds of chewing and cutlery until all the food is gone? What if someone finishes first? They sit in respectful silence until the other one has finished?

They sit in respectful silence until the other one has finished? the thought of this gives me the heebie-jeebies. Imagine sitting there eating whilst the rest of the table is just listening to you chewing.

Happy families!

Once again I thank Mumsnet for reminding me how good it is to be single.

I hate yappers during mealtime , unfortunately I seem to have produced two of them and they’re just like their dad so they can all crack on and not drag me into the conversation. Especially when we’ve been fasting all day, I don’t know where they get the energy to discuss religion and politics after not eating for 12 hours 🙄

Not everyone eats together or around a table or even at the same time OR the same food.

Apparently people can't imagine the different ways of having your tea.

Well obviously if you are eating alone you won't have anyone to talk to, but this thread wasn't about talking to yourself whilst eating.

Yes but he has always been this way. To expect a change is madness despite the circumstances changing.

And?

DH has always been like this

Omg yet another of these.

You presumably realised he was a silent eater when you started dating him and when you moved in with him - it's a fairly obvious habit, and it didn't change. If you didn't like it you were free to leave (and would not have been unreasonable) but you chose to marry and have kids with him, knowing who he was!

It should be so simple - if someone has habits that you dislike or that annoy you, don't marry them. Marrying someone is an acceptance of who they are, both the good and the bad.

A lot of people saying that’s just his preference and how he likes to eat his meals. But they have a child, things change and you can’t always get what you want.
OPs issue is a chatty child during meal times, asking lots of questions and wanting discussion. I don’t think it’s fair that she has to single handedly converse. She might like a relaxed, quiet meal too, but can’t because of their child’s chitter chatter. Why does the husband get away with staying silent? They need to parent TOGETHER. Either both engage and respond to their child, or together come up with a different solution for quieter meals.

Not if he has always been like this. But I’d refuse to go out for meals with him.

He's not stopping her talking

You could tell the kids to be quiet for 10 mins

What to have to shut up and eat for 10 mins? Seems a reasonable thing to teach. Hardly joyless

He fully enjoys the food he eats and is the only time of the day he doesn’t chat?

What an absolute bastard

I don’t talk at the dinner table either. I don’t mind the kids having a chat but excessive chatting is not allowed. We play card games on an evening, that’s a better time to talk.

I don't get why anyone is saying that your DH is in the right here OP. He is actively ignoring his DC. That's never OK.

I dunno, I think it should be more socially acceptable to ignore your children 😂

It's not what we do, or have ever done, but I don't think it would bother me and I wouldn't find it rude at all.

I'd be annoyed at him ignoring the children though and would be telling him that.

😂

OP, what happens if you directly ask him a question during a meal? If he just ignores you, that's rude.

I get it OP. My DH is like this. He just shuts off from what is around him. It is tough because the kids tell him stuff that is important to them over dinner and he is literally not listening and completely blanks them. He can’t recall what they said later either so he ends up being insensitive by saying something like “aren’t you looking forward to seeing your friends tomorrow” when DS has previously discussed a difficult friendship issue the night before. He also completely tuned out on car drives or plane trips or whatever. It means that I have to be always “on” and frequently have to update DH on the kids lives about stuff they have actually told him.

For those saying “well he was like this before you married him “ , before we married I didn’t have half the mental load, kids jabbering at me constantly and the extra effort of preparing a family meal. Women have to step up when kids arrive but apparently we are mean for expecting men to do the same.

Yeah this is one of the “why did you marry him?” situations. While not the biggest crime of course, I totally get why it’s annoying - conversation over food (and drink!) is such an important relaxation for me, I wouldn’t have got beyond date 2 or 3. Not sure it’s fair to make him change now but I’m intrigued to know why he does it. If you could get to the bottom of that it might be less annoying?

didn’t you read the OP’s post? She has to be the parent who talks to her dc every mealtime, whether she wants to or not. She is cooperating and making concessions every day. Her h isn’t doing that at all.

What happens if you go out for a meal with family or friends? Is he the same then?

It would drive me nuts. Rude and antisocial.

This is exactly what happens in our family.
Often DH seems to have no idea people are even talking , let alone following the thread of the conversation!

However, he does (and always has - pre kids) chat over meals if we go to a restaurant.