to be sick of silent DH during meals?

[Bubblewrappery]

DH has always been like this and I'm now totally sick of it.

Every meal time he will focus on his food and ignore any conversation. It's as though he comes up for air at the end and might then acknowledge us. He doesn't eat quickly and his manners are otherwise fine, but this is really, really pissing me off.

We have two DC and one in particular is a chatter. Every single mealtime, it's me fielding her questions; commenting on things the DC say; adding to the conversation etc, etc. He just sits and eats, barely even noticing us.

We went out for DS's birthday meal yesterday, and I was furious because, yet again, DH just ate and ignored. It wasn't a cheap meal and I would have liked some company from him!

Over the years I bring this up (as do the DC), but he just gets annoyed,

AIBU to expect him to contribute to conversation?

Because they are both parents

What is ‘normal’ ?

Pretty much this.

I can't converse while eating because I end up with awful indigestion, and for the same reason I hate it when people decide they are going to talk AT me while I'm eating.

No, I just talk before and after the food arrives, but don't while I'm eating.

Does he ever talk properly to the DC? So is this about opting out of family life? Or different ways of socialising, parenting and organising time?

My DH is the same and it’s irritating. When DD lived at home, I always felt that I had to keep conversations going at meal times. Having one child is different from a table full of other family members. He is the same when we eat out which I limit now and would prefer to go with others too.
Evening meal has become trays on knees watching the TV. Much less irritating but not what I class as ‘normal.’

I get it OP. I used to be the one to initiate conversations and ex would be pretty monosyllabic and uninterested. I called his bluff once when we were out and we sat in total silence for ages. He noticed and said ‘what’s wrong’.

Like that Little Britain couple.

“What do you think about that, DH?”

He’s so rude !

Jesus leave the man alone. He doesn't talk when he's eating, that's it. What's he like as a dad the rest of the time?
Whilst he should be paying attention if something important is said, not everyone likes inane shite whilst they're trying to enjoy their food.

I think what makes it unfair is that you are left fielding questions and worries from the kids, which you would also rather not do, but it means you’re stuck with all of it.

You need to make equal effort with the kids.

I’d often like to just zone out but you can’t do that when your children are talking to you.

Overwhelming?? Really? Next you'll be saying he can't be expected to engage in conversation while he's walking, or maybe even breathing. I'd doubt they're discussing Kantian aesthetics or integral calculus while the kids chow down on their fish fingers.

I would leave things as they are. Eating in silence is his habit, and I think you need to accept it and try not to be annoyed.
DH is much the same, although he will respond if I start the conversation.

Some of the responses here are so bizarre. It’s completely normal to chat over a family meal. If the OP’s husband wanted to eat in silence forevermore then he shouldn’t have had children.

Stop cooking for him.

There has to be a consequence to his behaviour.

Well thank god for your chatterbox DC. Once they are grown and have flown the nest you will have decades sharing meals with your silent H. I think you will really miss it. On the other hand, I couldn't imagine going out to dinner with my H and then just sit in silence whilst we eat, but I do sometimes see those couples and I assume they have nothing at all in common basically. Or that they have had an argument.

Has he really always been like this though? It sounds lonely to me.
what about when you were dating? Did you not go out for dinner a lot, just the two of you? Surely he spoke to you then?

Don't invite him out for meals and let him sort out his own food at home until he learns to behave like a grown up. What's it like to live with him apart from at meal times?

My friend is like your DH and it's because her father, a horrible, domineering, violent drunk forbade any discussion at the dining table. She's in her 50s now but it has stayed with her all her life. It's utterly ingrained.

He sounds weird OP YANBU.

Heard of the eat with mouth closed, who wants to see food in your mouth. I couldnt think of anything worse than chatting whilst eating, all the lip smacking noises. Food is supposed be enjoyed. Can chat after the meal

My DH talks non stop. Very long monologues often about varying subjects. If we are eating he will continue to talk. Even with his mouth full of food and ask me questions. I have to say to him. I can’t talk at the moment because I have a mouth full of food. Sometimes I try to answer him and bite the inside of my mouth. So I have to be quite rude and point to my mouth when I’m eating. I do find it stressful. I’m happy to talk but I can’t when I eat

Agree with this, are your dc wanting conversations or are they talking AT you and just having non stop monologues?

Maybe he finds it annoying that others are chatting around the table when he’s trying to eat his meal?

If that's how you are doing it you are doing it wrong. You take a bite, chew, swallow talk a little bit. Take another bite, chew, swallow, talk and so on. You don't sit there spraying food across the table.