I’ve just completely lost it with my daughter

[imsoverytired82]

I’ve just completely lost it with my 11 year old daughter

I’ve been so stressed this week. I’ve got issues at work and I haven’t slept

my daughter has been nagging all week about her world book day outfit. She’s asked so many times despite me telling her I’d ordered it. It arrived today and she’s still asking for more for it even though I’d said to her I can’t afford any more. Now she’s onto football boots (she’s had 1 session) and keeps asking. She is autistic so deep down I know she can’t help it. once she gets what she wants she’s onto the next thing.

its 11 and I finally got into bed and went into a deep sleep.My first in ages. She’s shouting my name lying in bed saying I need to take her to buy boots.

i wake up startled and go mad at her an drag her out of bed. Say some really horrible things to her. Scream at her. I’m so so sick of her just constantly not being satisfied until she’s getting something. It’s almost that she doesn’t care what it is as long as she’s getting something.

im so sick because she doesn’t care about anything other than ‘getting’.

Sorry to hear this. Does she have an autism diagnosis? Are you able to get any support from your GP?

I know I’m being unreasonable. Nobody wants to help because they can’t see anything. I dread spending time with her because it feels like all she wants is for me to spend money on her. It doesn’t matter what it is unless it’s just ‘stuff’ she has no care for me or anyone else

Yes she does. It’s all official. GP not interested as she’s at school.

I can't say I blame you, being shouted at while you're asleep to buy some football boots is absolutely terrible behaviour and I'd be furious. Your reaction wasn't ideal of course but you're only human, sometimes I think kids need to see that.

If it’s not world book day outfit, then she’s moved onto boots, we will literally get out a shop and she’s onto something else. I say no but she nags and nags and nags.

I’ve been on the toilet with Ibs before and she’s asking for something on Amazon through the door.

Also I'd shut it down instantly when she asks, even if this ends up with her being in a strop or whatever. Then have consequences for any repeated demands. This is obviously taking a massive toll on you.

I would try and look at the desire for ‘stuff’ as a symptom.

It seems like she’s trying to fill a void with things. And of course it doesn’t work.

Does she have hobbies, an outlet for her emotions etc?

Is this the first time you’ve done this?

How is she now? Has she stopped?

I’am very clear with my son and use clear language.

‘I’m putting a boundary in place with this’

’This is a boundary line, you’re trying to cross it. I won’t allow you to do that’

‘I won’t tolerate you crossing this boundary, if you continue, there will be a consequence’

I think you need to find a way to meet both of your needs.

can you give her a notebook and anything she wants to discuss with you she writes down if you’re sleeping or busy? And then you have set times in her routine where you look at the diary and discuss her points?
why is she awake so late, if you have a partner they should be guarding your door!

As she’s autistic, knowing a routine may benefit. Pick a specific day/date for each month, add it to a wall calendar and label it shopping day. Show it to her, and she can then write on the calendar anything that she thinks she needs purchased on this day. You could go shopping together or sit together and buy online.

Explain to her, nothing is bought on any other day of the month, just on shopping day.

i have but a long time ago.

she shrugged and went to sleep after my husband told her off. She’s the same with him.

she’s very high functioning just obsessed with stuff. I really struggle with her. She has no real care for anyone.

You need to give her firm guidelines about how she asks for things. Does she get pocket money? My DS is very similar and I refuse to entertain it. He can save his pocket money otherwise I’m not interested.

The book is a good idea. Maybe a board as she loses books.

Sounds like more of a sensory overload or overwhelmed from yourself and you've lost it. Not the same, but my nearly 4yo is suspected autistic (awaiting diagnosis but it's obvious to anyone) quite severely, non verbal.. he hangs off me, all day. Constantly hitting me, kicking me, pinching me, hitting himself, banging and kicking walls etc. I get so so stressed and overwhelmed because it's constant.. sending solidarity. I don't think your being unreasonable, I think your touched out and sometimes us SEN mums just lose it. I know I do.

Hi
Bloody hard parenting.kids even more so nd kids
With mine we have the rule. Ifnthey have asked for somehting and it has been disxussed and decided that a) we cant afford it or b) we have told them when we will get it, if they then constantly ask whatever it is gets cancelled if its been ordered or if been told we can't afford it, I start removing electronic time or they go to bed earlier.

Thats not to say it all doesnt fqll apart at times and we have the odd screaming matches (like today when I could have happily chucked teen through a wall with attitude and rudeness)

She does but she has to earn it.

she will pipe up ‘I think you owe me £5” when I’ve spent £30 on something with her or taken her shopping . I refuse to go in town with her any more.

No idea if this would work but can you ignore her if she repeatedly asks? Like the first time, say "We'll get them tomorrow/next week/when you've had 6 sessions" or whatever. And then if she asks again, say "I haven't forgotten, I know you want them and we'll get them tomorrow/next week/whatever but if you ask again I'm not going to answer". And then after than don't even engage?

Meh she got a bollocking. Austistic or not, all kids will need one at some point. I think don’t worry about it. She’ll live.

Is this an autistic thing though the ‘stuff’?

It can be.

And I don't blame you for screaming at her.

This

I’d also be returning the world book day outfit and she could go in school uniform.

This was a meltdown from me I think rather than a simple bollocking. It was childhood memory traumatic for her I think.

Im just so overwhelmed. I don’t have any support locally and my family find her a bit stressful as she keeps on to them too

Money like this we have a token system. We used to use a pot with real tokens as they earned them that got cashed in at the end of the week, now we use rooster app.

Teens have apps in their phones for rooster account. So they can see the exact money.