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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS’s 14yo gf has just came over in tears

154 replies

JoiningInn · 28/02/2026 22:40

My ds is 14, he has a 14yo gf. The way they met is quite bizzare according to ds they met at the park but the story he told was a bit odd and I have a feeling he's lying but then why would he lie? I planned on asking gf for her side but haven't got round to it yet

They've been together for a few months and it's quite intense and I don't know if it's more than first love at this point. DS has social anxiety (also another reason I don't believe he just met someone at the park, if anything he would avoid her) and not many friends. Also tourettes which is made worse by anxiety and unfamiliar places/people

Her mum doesn't like ds, he went over one day for dinner and came back upset as she had belittled him for his tics and called him rude and an attention seeker. She did know about the tics beforehand and that's the only time she has met him

His gf also doesn't have a good relationship with her mum, she always tells ds she favours her sibling and hates her

I've not left a lot out as I don't want an essay that no one reads but she's just come over to ds in tears about half an hour ago, she told ds her mum had hit her (apparently she used to hit her when she was a child too) and told her to leave

I don't know what to do. I have no contact info for her mum. I don't know her last name, social services likely won't do anything this time of night. Police? But what would I say? I don't know what to do. Arghhh teens

OP posts:
CrocusesFlowering · 28/02/2026 22:42

Will the child give you her mother’s phone number?

Lighterandbrighter · 28/02/2026 22:43

Just give her some food and a drink and set her up on the sofa and deal with it in the morning when everyone has had a sleep.

Tableforjoan · 28/02/2026 22:44

Are you willing to let her stay over? Report to non emergency police and social. Also email her school providing you know it to make them aware of issues at home.

Your son should know her last name surely?

Theonlywayicanloveyou · 28/02/2026 22:44

Is GF’s dad on the scene? Are they together? I would start there. Will she give you his number?

fartotheleftside · 28/02/2026 22:46

Let her stay over and then call her school in the morning to let them know what she’s said.

Renenma · 28/02/2026 22:46

Make her feel comfortable, give her some food and somewhere to sleep and then tell SS and 101

90sTrifle · 28/02/2026 22:48

You need to get the mum’s phone number, she’ll be worried sick if her 14yo doesn’t return home.

Tell the gf, you have to speak to her mother or you drop her home.

ChineseKeravan · 28/02/2026 22:48

14 years of age is too young to start coming over from her parents.

ILikeSpicyNoodles · 28/02/2026 22:51

90sTrifle · 28/02/2026 22:48

You need to get the mum’s phone number, she’ll be worried sick if her 14yo doesn’t return home.

Tell the gf, you have to speak to her mother or you drop her home.

She told her to leave, it’s in the OP

Bunnybigears · 28/02/2026 22:52

Don't put yourself or DS in a position where you can potentially be accused of anything either by the GF or her mum. I would talk to the GF to see if there is anywhere you can take her such as Grandparents etc? If genuinely there isn't and if you are comfortable doing so then allow her to stay but only on the condition that she tells her Mum where she is. You don't actually know if anything she has said is true. There may well be a distraught mother somewhere frantic about where their child is.

Bunnybigears · 28/02/2026 22:54

ILikeSpicyNoodles · 28/02/2026 22:51

She told her to leave, it’s in the OP

Show quote history

Because teenagers never lie.

PurpleLovecats · 28/02/2026 22:55

I’d tell the gf that she can stay but only if she gives you her mother’s number to let her know.

Translatethedog · 28/02/2026 22:56

Will she let you contact anyone else? Someone needs to know where she is.

Original poster
JoiningInn · 28/02/2026 22:56

I don't know what school she goes to as ds doesn't go to a typical secondary school, he attends a college. I'm sure ds knows but I don't know if I can ask them after the weird lie/not lie about how they met

The only issue about her staying is she has said on more than one occasion to ds she wants a baby. I have no reason to believe they are having sex (yet) but I don't want to potentially make it easier for her. I saw this from looking through ds’s phone. Not him telling me

She had a robot baby from school for the weekend recently and bought it here as well to show ds and that hasn't seemed to put her off. So I'm hesitant

OP posts:
90sTrifle · 28/02/2026 22:57

ILikeSpicyNoodles · 28/02/2026 22:51

She told her to leave, it’s in the OP

Show quote history

So! They had an argument. Pretty normal - teenagers can be hard work. She probably just wanted her out of her sight…for a while.

I’d be fuming if another parent let my DD stay over without letting me know and I spent the night worried sick and calling the police to locate her.

CrocusesFlowering · 28/02/2026 22:58

Have you told her that you want her mums phone number?

WaryCrow · 28/02/2026 22:59

Bunnybigears · 28/02/2026 22:54

Because teenagers never lie.

Show quote history

Now that’s taken me straight back to being a teenage girl and knowing there was no point in telling anyone anything because it would all be disbelieved and minimised or blamed on me…

I agree with others, see if you can get a phone no to call - dad or grandparents - and then let her bunk up on the sofa.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 28/02/2026 22:59

ILikeSpicyNoodles · 28/02/2026 22:51

She told her to leave, it’s in the OP

Show quote history

She says she hit her and told her to leave.

With all the best will in the world, a teenager who wants to stay with her boyfriend can be very tempted to create a dramatic reason that might make it possible for her to stay with her boyfriend forever.

It has to be reported straight away as if her mother doesn't know where she is, she's a missing child. And if it's true, she needs to be in a place of safety with experienced, DBS checked foster carers, not her boyfriend's mum's sofa (especially as it is not in any way guaranteed that the boyfriend will stay upstairs once Mum is asleep).

CDTC · 28/02/2026 23:01

90sTrifle · 28/02/2026 22:48

You need to get the mum’s phone number, she’ll be worried sick if her 14yo doesn’t return home.

Tell the gf, you have to speak to her mother or you drop her home.

Not necessarily. My mother, for instance, couldn't have given a single shit as to where I was at that age.

parietal · 28/02/2026 23:02

The girl needs to give you her mums phone no or you call the police to take her home. Once you have the number, text the mum and take it from there.

you can text the mum to say “your child is here at mine” and see if you get a response of “I’ll come and collect my baby right away” or “shrug”. That will help you make more sense of things.

Bunnybigears · 28/02/2026 23:02

WaryCrow · 28/02/2026 22:59

Now that’s taken me straight back to being a teenage girl and knowing there was no point in telling anyone anything because it would all be disbelieved and minimised or blamed on me…

I agree with others, see if you can get a phone no to call - dad or grandparents - and then let her bunk up on the sofa.

Show quote history

I'm not saying she is definitely lying but it is incredibly naive to just believe everything she says.

plsbekinddelicate · 28/02/2026 23:05

OP phone your local children’s social care (social services) and ask to speak to the duty worker. Whether they do anything tonight or ask you to shelter her will be for them to decide but they need to know about this disclosure

plsbekinddelicate · 28/02/2026 23:06

Sorry hit post too soon. Please do NOT try and contact the mother. This child has come to yours as a place of safety disclosing her Mum has hit her. IF she is lying isn’t for you to decide, let Social Care do their investigation. The harm if she isn’t lying of not being believed is far worse

jenny38 · 28/02/2026 23:07

Well I hope you have her mums phone number/ her last name etc by now.
Social services will indeed do something at this time of night. They have out of hours worker on duty at all times.
Very tricky situation. I would have tried to ship her off to a female friends house if possible. Did you call her mum? What does sons girlfriend want to happen?

Shoppingcockup · 28/02/2026 23:07

You definitely need to let the mother know, whether the girlfriend is telling the truth or not.

I'm sure ds knows but I don't know if I can ask them after the weird lie/not lie about how they met
Of course you can ask him, are you never going to believe him again ? And he may have been telling the truth about how he met her.