DS’s 14yo gf has just came over in tears

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My ds is 14, he has a 14yo gf. The way they met is quite bizzare according to ds they met at the park but the story he told was a bit odd and I have a feeling he's lying but then why would he lie? I planned on asking gf for her side but haven't got round to it yet

They've been together for a few months and it's quite intense and I don't know if it's more than first love at this point. DS has social anxiety (also another reason I don't believe he just met someone at the park, if anything he would avoid her) and not many friends. Also tourettes which is made worse by anxiety and unfamiliar places/people

Her mum doesn't like ds, he went over one day for dinner and came back upset as she had belittled him for his tics and called him rude and an attention seeker. She did know about the tics beforehand and that's the only time she has met him

His gf also doesn't have a good relationship with her mum, she always tells ds she favours her sibling and hates her

I've not left a lot out as I don't want an essay that no one reads but she's just come over to ds in tears about half an hour ago, she told ds her mum had hit her (apparently she used to hit her when she was a child too) and told her to leave

I don't know what to do. I have no contact info for her mum. I don't know her last name, social services likely won't do anything this time of night. Police? But what would I say? I don't know what to do. Arghhh teens

Some of you are pretty heartless and very naive to think that parents don't ever abuse their children or kick them out.

My teenage years were awful. I was certainly no angel, but my DM (who I have a good relationship with now!) and I used to have screaming rows that often ended in her pushing or slapping me and kicking me out. I was branded a "problem child" because of this by school and other adults and the only friend I could go to was the friend whose mum was an alcoholic and didn't mind if her daughter's friend pitched up at midnight. All my friends with "nice" families all of a sudden weren't so nice when they realised their precious children were friends with a teenager from a single parent household and there were problems at home. My friends mum who did take me in no questions asked was always drunk, yes, but also always unfailingly kind. She'd make me a cup of tea no matter what time it was and I would sleep on the sofa or my friend's bedroom floor for a night or two until my mum had calmed down, usually after she finished a stint of night shifts and got some sleep.

Teenagers do lie sometimes, yes, they also do dumb stuff and test boundaries. But everyone has a responsibility to safeguard children and if a child discloses abuse, the default position isn't "they're probably lying, just send them back, don't make this your problem". Safeguarding is everybody's problem. It certainly doesn't have to be OP's permanent problem, but putting the child up for the night and calling social services in the morning is compassionate and reasonable. If the girl suddenly backtracks at the possibility of involving them, then maybe that might mean there are holes in the story. Or that she's scared how her mum will react. But either way, they need to be involved. Let them decide what should happen from there, not some random strangers on the internet who have already decided this girl is a liar and is out to baby trap your DS! Sheesh.

I presume they met via Snapchat etc which seems to be the norm. I would be worried considering how her mother treated your ds. He is only 14. I think I would feel I needed to protect him and encourage him to step back from the situation if he was my son. Yes I would let her stay and let social services look into it. Maybe she isn’t telling the truth but it’s more important that she is safe.

You tell the police. If she's telling the truth they will hopefully help her. If she isn't then hopefully the fallout will be enough to stop her telling stupid lies again.

You don't just casually send her home to her mother who you don't know and who might genuinely be abusive.

Good lord you can't be serious. No, it's not normal. At all.

I would sit them down and ask them to tell you everything. Starting from how they met upto this point. Make a mental note of things that sound like a lie or otherwise off. Call social serviced. If her mum is violent the social serviced nees to know for her and her siblings protection, if she made it up then social services need to know so her motives cam be established and her mum will be protected.

I'd ring social services, simply tell them what shes told you and let them take it from there. Tell them child is with you at the moment but she cannot stay with you indefinitely so they need to find her somewhere safe.

If I was a betting woman I would say they met online, probably discord.

Her and your son both sound quite venerable tbh. I would keep her at yours for now, feed and water her, then call social services. Don’t press for info too much.

She shouldn’t be staying under the same roof wanting a baby at 14! Be very careful or your going to end up as a grandma. You have a very vulnerable son that you need to protect and he comes before this girl.
I would ring the police and phone out of hours social services.

arguments are normal

sending your young teenage child out of the house at 10pm is not

either she’s lying or the mother is abusive - both are very possible

I agree. And give social services an immediate deadline (eg a week) for your support

Yup discord, snap chat. Friend of a friend online.

How are things this morning op?

This is how I ended up having DS gf move in. She genuinely was in an abusive family and they were 17, so not exactly the same but what was supposed to be an emergency stop gap arrangement, turned into 2 years of them both living in a tiny room in my already full house. I'm glad I helped her, but tread carefully - there was a lot going on with her that I not found out about down the line and when a troubled child moves in, it does muddy the waters because your primary responsibility is to your own child but you also take on responsibility for this other child. What happens if their needs clash? Or they fall out?
At 14, you don't want to be encouraging a situation where a broody teenager can get pregnant. Think about how your son will look back and judge the decisions you make now, when he is an adult. You don't want him to look back and wish you'd protected him more.
Sorry, that all sounds dramatic and I know you aren't contemplating having her move in, but sometimes these things can happen almost by accident, when no one else wants to take on responsibility for a teen.

My advice is to let the police/social services know that she is with you and what she has said about her mum. Even if you are happy for her to stay on the sofa tonight, you need to protect yourself and let someone in the system know that you have her. If she's lying (and some teenagers do) then you don't want to bring this trouble to your home and if she's not, then she needs intervention from official sources.

What?? In what world are you living in where this is considered normal?

Police. And don't let them see each other any more, unless you want to raise their baby. (A visit from the police should secure the other mum's cooperation in keeping them apart).

Clearly they met online.

She sounds very vulnerable
I'd also be on to the police and or social services
And as cruel as it sounds get her out of my house and away from my ds as quickly as possible.
I'd then think about a plan to safeguard my ds as much as possible in thec relationship

I'm sorry but what are two 14-year old children doing being in an 'intense' relationship, with her wanting a baby? It's absolute madness. I would be doing all I could to discourage this relationship.

Your DS is far too immature to be dealing with any of this. Phone social services and let them deal with her. Being blunt, she's not your issue and your primary role is to protect him from getting into a relationship over his head.

We ended up letting DD1's BF live with us for a while due to a family fallout and I deeply regret doing so because it wasn't fair on our other DC.

How are things, OP?

I think SS was the best way to go - you just don't know what's really going on here and it needs outside involvement.

Re their meeting, I'd say it's almost certain they've met online and DS thinks you'll disapprove.

Not sure allowing her to stay the night without her parents permission is a good idea. You would be undermining her parents. You could phone the mother and say she's turned up at your house and is it ok if she stays the night. If you think it's unsafe for her to go home then ring social services.

OP, when my very empathetic DS was around 15yo, we seemed to spend a whole summer with random classmates in our spare room.

We only had two rules, a safe parent or adult relative had to be informed where they were or at least that they were safe, and the maximum stay was two nights in a row as it was mostly girls getting on their mom's last nerve and some space was good.

It never went to a third night, luckily, but the loose plan was a third night would require a serious sit down to decide if they needed more formal help.

Just saying that teens have big emotions and can be oblivious to their impact on others and with possible peri menopausal moms in the mix, sometimes other friends sofas are a much needed safety valve.

If you are being lied to by your son then he isnt mature enough to have a relationship. They should not be meeting up at yours or anywhere until your child can tell you the truth.

You know very little about this girl, is she even the age she says she is?! And she talks about wanting a baby and all this drama with her mum?

My eldest is 1 year younger than your son. I cannot imagine entertaining ANY of this drama. When my child is ready for her first relationship one of the first things that will happen is I meet the parents of this other child. As that is what they are. Children.

P.s. they met on social media.

Are you talking to your son at all? About relationships, sex, pregnancy and what fatherhood means at this age...

You're worried his story about meeting her is untrue.

He has a 14 yr old girlfriend who wants a baby.

You don't know her name and are not sure they'll tell you the truth.

You can't think of when they'd have sex; except, where there's a will (strong will), there's a way.

Her mom has just replied 'ok' to her child spending the night at her boyfriend's house.

I may be misunderstanding or it may be the shock for you, but you seem quite relaxed about all that's going on. The young lady obviously needs support, but your son also needs help navigating this chaos.

Your priority is to protect your vunverable (age and disabilities) son.

This girl is a walking red flag and I would, as the parent, getting her out of my sons life pronto.

I certainly not be inviting the cookoo into my nest.

There's lots of projection from posters who had difficult experiences as teenagers. Do not let them cloud your judgement.

This isnt a generic teenage row with parents, the whole scenario is off.

This girl sounds very vulnerable. Safeguarding is everyone's concern therefore I'd give social services a ring this morning and alert them to this situation. They are open 24/7 and the duty Tel number will be on your local council website.

Also if your son is in a special school it might be worth letting them know what is going on as they could maybe do some work around relationships/ internet safety etc.