To not even bother sending my child to school?

[MotherOfSEN]

DD is in Year 6 at a local primary school. She is neurodiverse (autistic and ADHD) academically capable with no EHCP. I have asked a couple of times about applying for an EHCP, but the school has said she needs very little support and therefore she is unlikely to get one. I appreciate I could apply for one myself, but I’d need some sort of reason, which I currently do not have. She doesn’t have friends as such, she sort of floats around with everyone and makes herself busy at school lunch times doing clubs or reading. She has started to find Year 6 trickier, with the expectations and the work load, as well as preparation for SATS. At home, she is little trouble, but does need to be repeatedly reminded about tasks eg putting clothes on the right way, washing hands etc. Her conversation skills also aren’t great; she mainly spends time reading, drawing or creating animations on her tablet.

Monday is secondary school allocation day. I don’t want her going to either of the local secondary schools. For context, I work in SEN and year after year I encounter many students who have had to leave these schools because the schools weren’t making reasonable adjustments, didn’t understand SEN, they were bullied etc. Many students describe the experience as traumatic and it takes a long time for them to recover.

I am very concerned about bullying and the busyness of the environment. She struggles to follow instructions and I think she will get lost in big classes, navigating a large school, the sheer amount of pupils (both over 1,000). She gets overwhelmed in stressful environments and other people need to be sensitive to this. She gets mortified when being told off by a teacher, or even if a teacher shouts and tells the class off, she is an absolute people pleaser.

When I spoke to her current teacher, they expressed that they didn’t think either secondary school would be ideal for her. Equally, the tutor she has to support her schoolwork also feels the local schools would be detrimental for her. Several extended family members that I have discussed this with feel that a large comprehensive would not be the correct choice.

I’m at the point of just thinking ‘sod it’ and home educating her. We have a fair amount of local home education groups and I would employ tutors for various subjects. I work flexibly so I can easily accommodate this for her.

My main barrier is her father who thinks she should at least try the local schools. He thinks she should go and then we remove her if she’s struggling. I think that would be an error as she is very compliant and sensitive, she would feel as though she has failed at school or should keep going until breaking point. I want to remove this issue altogether. My opinion is that it may be possible for her to rejoin school, perhaps in Year 9 or Year 10, maybe at that point we could fund private school for her or she will be older and more suited / capable for the big secondaries.

For context, her father only sees her every other weekend and has very little input into her life in any meaningful way. He has never even been to her primary school, so I don’t think his opinion is informed at all if I’m honest.

WIBU to just home educate her and not even try with the local schools?

To be fair, reading some of the stories on this thread I think I am quite naive to what goes on in other places and assume every school/LA is like mine where we do try. Also maybe I should have been more clear- when I said ‘support’ I meant ‘provide evidence’, not ‘agree with’. If I get an EHCNA from a parent and there is evidence, I will give it. No need for a SAR.

I do think there is a problem more generally with compliant, able girls like the one in the OP not having their needs identified/diagnosed until late. It’s a real shame that people feel they’re backed into a corner where the only way to get any provision is through an EHCP. This is why it’s good that ISPs are going to become legally binding.

Would you be eligible for a private school bursary? Some are up to 95% of fees. As a teenager, I would not have wanted to be stuck at home with my mother.

I’m a little hesitant about online schooling as I don’t want her sitting on a computer all day. Are there options to just do flexible / part time / certain classes online rather than a full timetable?

I could have written this. My AUDHD DD was absolutely broken by being in a “supportive” secondary school and were still dealing with the psychological consequences now. She’s been in long term burnout and has CFS type symptoms which are caused by the trauma she suffered trying to fit into the school environment.

if I had the time again (and especially if I had your experience and skills OP) I would home Ed without a doubt.

I applied and got offered a full fees place (even though I clearly couldn’t afford any of the fees). I suspect the school either doesn’t have a bursary pot, wants to offer lower discounts to lots of families, or were turned off by my daughter’s SEND.

I have a relative similar to your DD and he absolutely thrived in High School. More kids meant he found his tribe and he did so well both academically and socially despite finding primary school tricky. I think you are preempting a lot of things that may well not happen.

It is difficult, I know because I had to resort to it for 18 months.

But it need not be isolating.

My DS did more socialising with a wide cross-section of the community during this time, than he would have in school.

It was the difficulties of HAVING to be around his peer group for 6/7 hours a day that caused most of the problems. So a break from the intensity of a large school was very helpful.

Home schooling is what you make it and you can adjust the social side of it to meet an SEN child's needs at any point.

When I say clearly couldn’t afford any of the fees, I mean I could have approximately stretched to a third of the fees (£8k), but nothing much more.

You don’t sound thick. You sound like you have been let down. That isn’t your fault. It also sounds like you could have done with advice about collating evidence for the appeal.

It is possible for the legal threshold to be met even if the school doesn’t provide any evidence.

The LA shouldn’t just be refusing to assess or refusing to issue because the school hasn’t.

Yes, it is possible to only have certain subjects online.

Agree. I don't know what online schools offer because we found plenty by doing in person classes, small online providers who have generally home educated or really understand what they are doing and self study (some of the self study involved getting together with their friends to work on modules together).
I think once you turn their education to a large online 'school' you're going to get a mixed bag of great and not so great, whereas we have mixed and matched to suit their interests, social commitments etc. .

Mainstream secondary school isn’t great for any children these days, with or without additional needs. Many children lose a lot of teaching time by teachers having to deal with disruptive pupils, plus for my daughters GCSE years there were constant cover teachers in some subjects leading her to get lower grades than she had the potential for as some areas weren’t covered in depth.

I would have happily home schooled if I hadn’t been a single parent who was working outside the home. There are a lot of groups and resources in many areas and it is definitely worth looking into.

I was in a similar situation with my DD in primary school saying the same things- an EHCP will not change the level of support given etc etc and that we wouldn’t be granted one. Now my DD is in yr8 and secondary school is so much more difficult for her and we are trying to find specialist schools for her to go to as she is not coping anymore in mainstream. We will likely have to pay for this ourselves as even if we apply for an EHCP then we have been advised it can take 1-2 years so seems little point and I wish we have don’t it much earlier so it could be in place and reviewed to adapt to her needs now they are more prevalent.

don’t listen to the school- you can start the EHCP procedures yourself.

we have also looked at online schools like kings inter high and minerva as a ‘home’ schooling route which we are still considering.

personally, seeing how teenage girls are now, have a think if she would cope with going back into a school system after being out of it… I’m not sure I could get my daughter back in after being out because it will be very scary to be in a secondary school environment that they haven’t had experience of at the age of 13/14 and missed the usual transition to it, so from that point of view I would probably start your daughter at school, see how she gets on -she and the school may surprise you, but be ready to be vocal about your daughters needs and keep on at them to make sure any interventions are in place- and then decide from there.

OP, how many students with an EHCP does the private school currently support? These stats are on the DFE website and will tell you whether applying for a place with an EHCP would be suitable.

My AuDHD daughter was recently assessed by a private Educational Psychologist, who was very clear that small class sizes are a disability-related need for her. Our Local Authority prefers to place children with this need in private mainstream settings because it’s far cheaper than a specialist school.

If you’re considering applying for an EHCP, these private assessments are especially helpful before you submit the request, as they reduce the LA’s ability to delay or dispute need:

• Sensory OT — to evidence sensory regulation needs
• SALT — to document communication and social interaction needs
• Private Ed Psych — to outline cognitive profile, learning needs, and environmental requirements

There’s also a charity that can help with the cost of these reports.

If there’s no suitable school to meet your daughter’s needs, the council must fund an EOTAS package. If you’re considering online learning, the advice I’ve been given is to buy specific subject courses (e.g., maths or science) rather than a full-year package from a single provider. This would provide your daughter with more variety across the week and avoids every lesson following the same structure, which can lead to disengagement. We recently attened an online school open day, and the classes were extremely high-sensory. For her, only 1:1 online tuition would be appropriate.

can you get an ehcp for secondary school?

I think the whole point of the White Paper is that ISPs will NOT be legally binding and parents' right of appeal to SENDIST will be greatly reduced.

Without SENDIST, my DD would not have an EHCP.

We can't leave something as important as the education and wellbeing of our children to something as random as whether a key person in a position of authority is competent and decent.

Not between now and September, no.

The process hasn't been started, the school is clearly avoidant and there are only 20 weeks left until the end of year 6.

That doesn't mean it's not worth doing, of course. It'd be through before GCSE choices for sure.

Listen OP I was in your shoes a few years ago with DD16. I did have the option for a small private all girls school that has been wonderful for her. Our local secondary was a shitshow for SEN and as a lone parent I could not home school.

In your shoes I would do what you suggest. There are some amazing online schools as well. One of my friends has had the situation you dread with her DD, and now she is online schooling she is thriving. They do day trips etc as well too as part of the syllabus so it’s a mix.

My DD is now at a small FE college, so I’d look at the next few years as just positive steps towards the next phase.

Personally, I wouldn’t wait for independent assessments before requesting an EHCNA. Anyone good with experience of writing medico-legal reports for SENDIST will have a waiting list, even if relatively short, and OP doesn’t want to delay requesting an EHCNA, IMO. LAs act unlawfully all the time even if there is robust evidence.

Unless money is no object, she may also want to target her money. For example,em if she has to appeal refusal to issue, she may decide the LA’s EP report is satisfactory, not brilliant but enough for now to get over the threshold, but she desperately needs an OT report.

And if she has to appeal refusal to assess, refusal to issue and content/placement, the reports may well be over 3 years old by the time of the BFI appeal. So she might then need an updated report or addendum.

I think though, that that is rather the point. HE can have plenty of social interaction if and when it's right for the child. But being surrounded by a class full of other children all the time is a nightmare for some children, the worst possible thing. Not being invited to parties or after school clubs etc is somewhat a blessing for them.

As OP says she works flexibly, I'm guessing it's possible for her to tailor social stuff at her daughter's pace.

OP, if you think you can make it work, and your daughter is on board, then do it. I think you'll see her happier.

I think you might have quoted the wrong person? My post wasn’t about the white paper.

I think we will really need to wait to see exactly what happens. Many proposals in white papers don’t go on to become legislation. But anyone who thinks the proposals are a good idea should look at the system in Wales and how transition to IDPs has worked (or not!) and the system Scotland.

The really positive thing here is you do have experience, you so have time, and you could afford some online classes. You do have options.

While you explore them you can thoroughly investigate the school you are offered tomorrow (you did apply, right?)

Sorry, I think I did. This is a surprisingly fast moving thread for the subject matter!

But during COVID you will have had materials from school and no meet ups...