Wtf do i do? - Dd2 told me they have been raped over xmas

[Boxingshibes]

What the hell do I do. Dd who identifies as male was raped by a 'friend' who is mtf trans. Argh!!. This is my worse nightmare.
The child in question I've always been concerned about I've been informed has done this multiple times.
Dd doesn't want to go to the police.
Im trying to support them as much as I can.
They don't want me to tell college but as this happened they are reluctant to go.
The other person has been expelled from college in Dec for wanking in class!!

We have blocked them on every social media. And if they come near us I dread to think what dh would do.

Wtf do I do?

Perhaps a Rape crisis charity or local SARC would be able to advise? Sorry this has happened to them, are the two in contact still? How old if still at college?

speak to a rape crisis charity. I would ignore it all together, she could do with an STI check for one thing. How old is she?

They are not in contact. Dd is 17. The other person is 18.
As they are all part of the trans community they became friends.
Its awful dd doesn't want to report it but the fact is it'll happen again. Apparently the other person has tried and it has happened with other trans people at dds college.
Can we anonymously report to police??

So sorry to hear this. I believe you can report any crime anonymously via Crimestoppers - phone or online.

Your poor DD, I'm so sorry.

What do you do now? You support her as best you can. You encourage her to seek support from an appropriate charity. If possible, you encourage her to report and tell her it's to try and prevent it happening to others.

Screenshot once the photo is approved x

I personally would phone the police. There is a rapist out there, who could right now be raping someone else.

Tell your DD that as traumatic as it might be, she really needs to go to the police. Other victims will come forward if someone has the courage to go first. A person can’t just go around raping people and wanking in plain sight. The m2f thing is irrelevant here- this MAN is using his penis to rape and commit other sex crimes.

I am so very very sorry, its very hard but if she can manage it she should report it to the police

also as others have said..support her and encourage her to seek help

💐💞

It needs to be reported to the police, and your child needs support from Rape Crisis.
I’m so sorry this has happened 😔

I hope your daughter is getting the help she needs. Unfortunately there will always be opportunistic men waiting for situations like this.

Nothing the police can do if the victim of a crime doesn't wish to report, the police can't force her. I would be encouraging her to reach out for mental health support, perhaps to speak to a rape crisis charity as maybe speaking to them may encourage her to report it. I absolutely would not go behind her back to report it anonymously though, she'll know someone she's close to broke her trust and that'll make things harder for her as she'll not know who she can and can't speak to.

You should report to police as he could do this to someone else. He may ID as a woman but essentially he is a biological male as unfortunately your daughter has found out- perhaps she felt safe with him thinking he was a female but male violence does not change if you wear girls clothes. If you don’t report it and later she decided she wants to tell police, questions will be asked why you didn’t report it as she is under 18. Police will always ask who is the first person you told and your dd will say “mum” hope you can help her to stay safe

You must try to encourage your dd to do the right thing about this person
ok dd will be embarrassed but so are all the others that this happens to

This person is walking around getting away with doing this to other people 😡
Not only that but some get traumatised for life when something like this happens

sorry but dd needs to put her big pants on and report. She obviously knows the persons name involved

Hugs. I would contact the college and tell them what happened. But do not force her to go to the police. It must be her decision she is not responsible for reporting. But an anonymous report would be good. X

I would continue to gently encourage her to report it to the police, and to help her get health care.

He does seem likely to escalate with the sort of behaviours he has shown already.

Your poor DD that’s awful. I think the first priority is to get her some help via rape crisis or similar, and she should really get an STD check.
After that tackle the police situation, of course she should report but I can also sympathise with not wanting to and I think you have to respect her decision on this - putting the responsibility on her to prevent it happening again isn’t fair

Unfortunately, this kind of sexual abuse is rife amongst the trans community. I slowly began to realise this when I was your DD's age and a female enby friend was abused by a male who identified as female.

Nothing has improved in this respect, culturally speaking, in the decades since.

She needs rape counselling as the priority. I can truly understand why she doesn't want to go to college, but if she doesn't, her life is going to be sidetracked. I've seen so many young female adults exclude themselves from opportunities and life progression because of trauma inflicted upon them from sexual violence. Meanwhile the perpetrators carry on, leaving wrecked lives behind them.

Your poor DD.

Get her some help from rape crisis or similar. Has she taken a pregnancy test or considered std?

The police can wait. Be calm. Listen and encourage her to speak to college, they'll have a mental health team who can support too.

She needs counselling from a specialist service. She may feel more willing to report after having worked through it. I would focus more on psychological support for her rather than pressuring her to immediately report it to the police.

Can you get your dd counselling and support?

I would speak to Rape Crisis and get some support for your daughter. She can talk through whether to report or not with them. For others saying you/she must report to the police - that decision is the victim's alone and she should not be forced/coerced. Reporting a rape and the procedures that follow are always traumatic and the realistic prospect of a conviction is tiny and can take years.

You can call Rape Crisis 24 hours/ day on 0808 500 222 - or use their webchat service: https://247sexualabusesupport.org.uk/

Or there's 08088 01 03 02 (between 5pm & midnight) if you're in Scotland. They also offer text and email and webchat support if you or her prefer: https://www.rapecrisisscotland.org.uk/help-helpline/

They should be able to give you advice, put you in touch with local support services/ SARCs (Sexual Assault Referral Centres), or just listen non-judgementally while you talk....

There's some good general advice about how to support someone like your DD here:
https://rapecrisis.org.uk/get-help/supporting-a-survivor/

And more about the decision about whether or not to contact the police, and what to expect if you do: https://rapecrisis.org.uk/get-help/reporting-to-the-police/

I'd be tempted to contact the safeguarding lead at the college, and at any trans organisations your DD and this perpetrator attend, as they should be trained to deal with this kind of situation and respect confidentiality, but think it's important that you only do this with your child's consent. It might be worth talking to the NSPCC helpline too: tel:0808 800 5000 0808 800 5000 (open 10am-4pm Mon-Fri)
And your DD could call Childline: tel:0800 1111 0800 1111 (which is for anyone under 18).

Hope you get the help you both need.

But your child doesn’t want to report it to the police so why would you go behind their back that way? As awful as this is for a parent, it didn’t happen to you and it’s not about you!! You have to be there for them and respect what they want

One of my family members (mtf) was raped by their trans 'friend' (also mtf). There was a lot of grooming so the family member was very confused about it all and did not report. He did get some counselling though and that seemed to help.