Wtf do i do? - Dd2 told me they have been raped over xmas

[Boxingshibes]

What the hell do I do. Dd who identifies as male was raped by a 'friend' who is mtf trans. Argh!!. This is my worse nightmare.
The child in question I've always been concerned about I've been informed has done this multiple times.
Dd doesn't want to go to the police.
Im trying to support them as much as I can.
They don't want me to tell college but as this happened they are reluctant to go.
The other person has been expelled from college in Dec for wanking in class!!

We have blocked them on every social media. And if they come near us I dread to think what dh would do.

Wtf do I do?

Posters saying go to the police and go to the college.

As much as you are trying to protect others don’t you understand that someone who has been raped needs to have those around them not take away choice and exert power/control on them.

They need to be listened to, believed, offered space and time to process what has happened to them without be forced into doing things they aren’t comfortable with.

Rape investigation is hugely traumatic. I don’t think my dc would have forgiven me if I had bulldozed in and took control out of his hands, forcing an investigation. I suspect he’d be blaming me for the trauma he is now needing treatment for. It’s not about anybody but them and the decision is there’s.

So it seems rapists get away with it because victims won't report it. And so it goes on...

I beg your pardon. Surviving a rape is the priority, not taking responsibility for anybody else.

Any form of SA is one of the lowest conviction rates of our country and it’s disgusting

Do you know the % of cases that actually make it to court? Then how many of them end in conviction?

Disgusting victim blaming.

What a disgusting, victim blaming comment.

Unfortunately we still live in a society where, instead of asking why a man has raped a woman, they ask what the woman did to deserve it, what was she wearing, was she drinking etc.

Then the victim is torn down in court and their character is pulled apart.

You should be ashamed of yourself for making such a comment.

Exactly. Been there, got the T-shirt. My dc’s case went to court where upon the perpetrator who had a previous conviction got off. Never again. It has added further trauma and made things ten times worse. If I’d have forced all this on him he’d never have forgiven me. The investigation was bad enough.

Rapists will get away with it regardless, because less than 10% of reports reach court IIRC and of those, approximately 50% result in a guilty verdict.

The investigation process and adversarial court process is hugely damaging for victims' mental health, for a very uncertain outcome.

I would support any child of mine if they felt brave enough to embark on it after sexual violence, but I could never justify pressuring them to do so. Victims shouldn't be obliged to sacrifice themselves for the possible good of society.

100% agree. Going behind their back is another violation!

It’s actually a lot less than rhem figures.

https://www.galop.org.uk/ it says over 18s but they might be able to signpost to someone for you both to talk to for guidance.

I think a fair few of those posters saying report have said IF its possible

not forcing or coercing

I'd absolutely agree they need to be in control of what happens next.
Advise them to seek.medical.attention if there is any risk of transmission of any kind.

I’m unsure if you’ve seen my previous post but I myself was raped and didn’t report it. Only now, 13/14 years later have I told 2/3 friends but I won’t tell them who.

I know it was my fault, I know I did nothing wrong but there will always be those blaming me who will be louder then everyone else

there should be no pressure made at all….

100% don’t go behind their back

Wanking in public is a sign of escalating behaviour. This raping bastard will move on to even worse sexual assaults - eg with more violence involved.

I hope the Police were at least informed of the public masturbation by the college. Unfortunately I suspect the college were content to just exclude him.

The problem being that if he’s not been prosecuted for that, and your DD doesn’t want to report the rape, then what will his next crime involve? He’ll have ‘got away’ with two sexual crimes which leaves him open to commit worse.

I see where you are coming from but to put that weight on them on top of trying to deal
with what has happemed to them is absolutely unrealistic

This is also a massive part of the problem. Most people don’t actually understand what rape is!!

It is not the responsibility of someone who has been raped to 'stop' a rapist. This is an appalling thing to say and I'm sick of hearing it.

Its nothing like 50% sadly.

Extremely lower than 50%