Wtf do i do? - Dd2 told me they have been raped over xmas

[Boxingshibes]

What the hell do I do. Dd who identifies as male was raped by a 'friend' who is mtf trans. Argh!!. This is my worse nightmare.
The child in question I've always been concerned about I've been informed has done this multiple times.
Dd doesn't want to go to the police.
Im trying to support them as much as I can.
They don't want me to tell college but as this happened they are reluctant to go.
The other person has been expelled from college in Dec for wanking in class!!

We have blocked them on every social media. And if they come near us I dread to think what dh would do.

Wtf do I do?

Thank you for being the first person on this entire thread to correctly use his pronouns. I’m cringing reading all this she and her 🙈🤦🏽‍♀️

Look, do I understand it? No, not personally BUT that doesn’t mean I have to be disrespectful because of that xx

Even the op is using dd and she her, I’m hoping that’s just because op is stressed and upset and that ordinarily the child is identified as they choose to be at home.

You need to go to the police. You are the adult. You are the parent. She may be mad in the interim but she will realise it’s the right thing.

im so sorry. What an awful situation.

If they can’t be bothered to actually read what the thread is about then their advice is pointless

I use he/him at home i have done for about 3 years. But trying to explain rape when your child is ftm is difficult and when the perpetrator is mtf . She was raped he raped her (biologically) seems to sum it it.
Im sorry that my pronouns are wrong but that's not my first pressing concern!!!

ummm, they are of legal age, their mum can not report it without their cooperation

no its not💐

please use the words you need to use

The pronoun police has arrived🚓👮

I'm very sorry that your daughter has been raped. Your pronoun use is entirely correct - it enables us to understand the situation and connects it to reality. I'm afraid the whole 'trans thing' is very relevant, despite what others say. Identifying as trans is a psychological phenomenon and there is no objective evidence for 'gender identity'. The psychological phenomena vary from individual to individual and by sex but it very common for trans identified girls/women to be particularly emotionally vulnerable. Amongst trans identified men there is a high proportion who have a misogynistic humiliation fetish and some of them become very dangerous and predatory. Hence, the trans community is a very dangerous place for your daughter and it is not remotely coincidental that three other trans identified girls have been raped by the same man. After you and your daughter are through the immediate trauma and have appropriate rape support I do urge you to turn to the various support groups for parents and find ways to support your daughter without confirming/directly affirming her trans identity.

I'm so sorry OP, this guy is obviously a serial rapist and needs reporting.

Imagine telling your mum you were a victim of a serious crime such as rape and your mum publicly posts about it on MN? In quite identifying details given the gender transitions etc. Would your child be comfortable with this? I certainly wouldn’t

arent You lovely!!

digging a parent out who is, no doubt already feeling like a shit mum.

classy!

Are you saying that posting about something as sensitive such as a teenager being raped on the internet, is appropriate? When people confide in you, especially as a parent, they aren’t expecting their business to be blasted online. If she doesn’t want to go to the police, what makes you think she wants the situation posted here? It’s crass.

Yet you’ve taken the time to read it and comment.

there’s a saying my Nan used to say to me

‘of you don’t have anything nice to say then say nothing at all’

It’s not about the young person being mad but about causing more trauma and a huge amount of damage in taking away their control in reporting it. The op needs to be lead her child. But yes also communicate the importance of reporting across to him/her too, but stand back so their own decision can be made without pressure. You may find telling you now is the first step in that process.

I think him coming on to college grounds needs reporting to the college safeguarding lead - I think this could be done anomously and without mentioning your Dd's attack (ie a former student who was expelled for sexual activity is regularly coming on to college grounds). But I'd talk to your Dd before making the report.

Isn't that the whole point of MN though? It's not all neighbour disputes and 'my kid wasn't invited to a party'.

I understand why your child feels this way, but you must explain to her that she is helping him to do it again and again. It’s really hard but this scumbag needs arresting. Other than that do you know any big hefty men that could ‘have a word’. I’ll probably get vilified for that last bit but I know what I’d do.

Your daughter has been raped by a man who has been enabled by the woke movement. Your first step is to stop enabling him by using false pronouns. Second us to report him

No. No No. Being a victim of rape and not reporting it does not make someone an accomplice to rape. Disgusting victim blaming statement. Reported and I hope MN delete.

Your daughter has been raped by a man and should go to the police, he’s obviously a repeat sex offender and will go on to do it again. As others have said, rape crisis would also be a good start.

She isn't helping him do it again and again - he's apparently done the same to several others. He's the issue here. Not her.

Rape conviction rates are miniscule and there are lots of reasons why women don't report.

Yeah. That is the absolute worst part of the thread 🙄

The OP is not speaking directly to her child, or in the child's presence, she's trying her best to describe a devastating situation, in the only words that make sense.

Describing the situation in a way nobody is likely to understand is not going to be helpful, is it? Rape is a male crime under English law.

A non molesation order might be difficult to get to be honest.

You have to apply to court and show they are an associated person and that definition is set by law as

Married or in a civil partnership
Formerly married or in a civil partnership
Engaged or proposed civil partnership
Formerly engaged or proposed civil partnership
Live together as a couple
Formerly lived together as a couple
Boyfriend, girlfriend or partner who does not live with me
Former boyfriend, girlfriend or partner who did not live with me

Or a relative by birth, marriage or other association.

A restraining order is usually as part of a criminal justice process.

It will be really hard to get protective powers in place without some kind of a police report. Your child could make a harassment report and go from there. However it doesn’t sound like they are ready to at the moment.

The college could look to do some civil injunctions if this person is breaching their request not to come on site.

If your child or any of the other victims did report it bail conditions could deal with alot of this.