7 year old child left alone whilst dad goes to the shop

[Pinkie89]

My recently turned 7 year old son has just told me that when he’s at his dad’s, he is sometimes left alone whilst dad goes to the shop. Said shop is a 10 min walk each way. So I’m thinking he’s left alone for a minimum of 30mins! Dad closes the curtains and leaves him a key to get out incase there is a fire.
I am in shock! My son can’t use a key at my house, so I doubt he could use one there! Good forbid something happened. I’m questioning my own judgement but surely this isn’t normal/acceptable? What would you do in this situation? I don’t want to ruin the relationship I have with his dad and make things awkward but I don’t feel like this is something I should have to teach him, as a grown man I’d expect him to know this isn’t ok and very dangerous! Also, he has all week to do his shopping! Or he could grow a pair, realise he’s the parent and tell my son he has to go with him!

Personally I wouldn't have at that age as it's quite young, but depends on the child.

In other countries this would not be an issue though.

your Ex is an idiot and deeply irresponsible

Time for a sensible grown up talk with your ex explaining why it's not appropriate for him to do this and asking him not to do it again until your son is in double figures.

You should be professional and calm, ask him, if he says he dos then ask him to take the child in future - it’s not acceptable as it’s not something he’s been used to, 30 minutes is a long time and there’s a lot that can go wrong

No this is not ok.

Every child is different of course but at 7 my cousins and I would walk to the shops without adults to get sweets and then go and play in the park.

I would report to the police and social services this is outrageous! Why doesn’t he bring him to the shops ?! Lazy git. And what else is going on that you don’t know about!
i wouldn’t be allowing him to go to his dad’s now as he can’t keep him safe.

YANBU - it's all fine and dandy until the time it's not. Then it's the poor child who will get hurt or frightened or whatever.

He needs to take the boy with him.

It's fine, unless you are wanting to raise a kid who has no self-reliance

YANBU

glad these replies are sensible because last year on here I was told I was being unreasonable to be annoyed at my ex had left our 6 year old home alone.

Not wanting to catastrophise OP but my mind immediately went to the tragic case of the woman who left her 4 children - admittedly younger than your son - home alone while she went shopping and the house went on fire while she was out and none of them survived.

I would be deeply worried for the safety of your son. And you need to impress on his Dad this is not OK. I really dont understand why he doesnt take his son with him.

I didn't see your thread but if I had I would have definitely backed you up.
Sometimes words fail me when I read some of the posts on MN.

This is OTT.

It’s way too young and you are going to have to advise him that this is unacceptable. Child will have to go with him or he gets a delivery, so much choice available.

Oh don’t be so ridiculous. He’s 7. That is too young. Like the poster said she’s not sure he could even unlock the door if necessary. Would he know how to get help. Is there a landline to call for help etc? I didn’t leave my son home alone until he was 11 and had a mobile phone to call me in case of an emergency. Why would a 7 year old need to be resilient!!

I'm a grandparent now, and I think kids these days are watched too closely and not given enough independence.

This is too much though!! I would not leave a 7 year old home alone to go to the shops. I take my grandson away camping and we stick together. Even when I take the dog for his late night wee and my grandson is in bed, the campervan is in sight at all times and I march up and down with the dog near the van. The dad is being really reckless.

I can't think of any reason why you wouldn't take the child with you??

I lived in another European country for a while and this was totally normal. My neighbour's kids were always home alone and seemed to just quietly occupy themselves. At 7 they also went to school by themselves on the tram.

Seven isn’t old enough to respond to fire, intruders, accidents. If he’s not old enough to walk down the street alone, I’d say too young to be left at home and needs supervision. Not appropriate for all the reasons you’ve already said.

When I was 7, my mum would get around this problem by sending me on my own to the shop10 minutes away to buy her fags

At 7 though? My 7 year old would be terrified if she was left on her own.

Has your ex thought about what would happen to his son if your ex got knocked down etc. Your son may or may not be able to use the key and I bet your ex does not leave his phone for your son to be able to contact you.

Kids need to know that parents have faith in them and don't think that they're a moron. Its crucial for their development.

You would obviously have gone through all the details prior to leaving them. How to get in/out, phone use, neighbours who he could go to etc. etc. And you would build up to it over several months from a couple of minutes.

Don't get me wrong, I was super nervous the first few times but that's no reason to hold ds back.

Same here, only I would go by myself to buy bread or various bits of groceries.

That's not normal, surely

Ds is too young

tell your ex that

if he does again you stop the visits as can’t be trusted

you need to make sure DS is safe if isn’t with you