7 year old child left alone whilst dad goes to the shop

[Pinkie89]

My recently turned 7 year old son has just told me that when he’s at his dad’s, he is sometimes left alone whilst dad goes to the shop. Said shop is a 10 min walk each way. So I’m thinking he’s left alone for a minimum of 30mins! Dad closes the curtains and leaves him a key to get out incase there is a fire.
I am in shock! My son can’t use a key at my house, so I doubt he could use one there! Good forbid something happened. I’m questioning my own judgement but surely this isn’t normal/acceptable? What would you do in this situation? I don’t want to ruin the relationship I have with his dad and make things awkward but I don’t feel like this is something I should have to teach him, as a grown man I’d expect him to know this isn’t ok and very dangerous! Also, he has all week to do his shopping! Or he could grow a pair, realise he’s the parent and tell my son he has to go with him!

This is a very good point, thank you! My son wouldn’t have access to a phone and wouldn’t be able to unlock the door. Even if he could unlock the door I wouldn’t want him wandering the streets. He’s not street smart at all. I’d never let him out without an adult.

There isn’t a minimum age a child has to be in order to be left by law in the UK however if something happens to the child in the absence of a parent, the parent can be charged with neglect so I’m not sure this is a police/social services matter.
My youngest is almost 6, I wouldn’t leave him at home alone for even a few minutes. I don’t leave him in the care of my 13 year old and pop to the shops either because I don’t think he would listen to his older siblings.
I start to leave mine at home on their own in their final year of primary school in readiness for high school.
There is no provision for secondary school age children during school holidays, most holidays clubs locally go up to the age of 12.
I go through fire safety, emergency’s etc before they are left and they have to have their phones with them and message me if they are going out.
Because there is an age gap between mine it’s likely that when my youngest is 7 he will be left in the care of his oldest sibling if I was only popping to the shops, but I wouldn’t if he was an only child.

Wow these replies are neurotic.. he's 7, not 3 or 4!. God knows what this generation of kids will be who can't breath by themselves!

Wow these replies are neurotic.. he's 7, not 3 or 4!. God knows what this generation of kids will be who can't breath by themselves!

Wow these replies are neurotic.. he's 7, not 3 or 4!. God knows what this generation of kids will be who can't breath by themselves!

Why do you think you know my son better than me? He doesn’t even like going downstairs on his own, never mind being left own! He would have no idea how to respond to a fire and I wouldn’t expect him to. I don’t need to teach him to use a key. When he’s at my house he’s always with me and his big sister.

Wow these replies are neurotic.. he's 7, not 3 or 4!. God knows what this generation of kids will be who can't breath by themselves!

Why do you think you know my son better than me? He doesn’t even like going downstairs on his own, never mind being left own! He would have no idea how to respond to a fire and I wouldn’t expect him to. I don’t need to teach him to use a key. When he’s at my house he’s always with me and his big sister.

He doesn’t even like going downstairs on his own, never mind being left own! He would have no idea how to respond to a fire and I wouldn’t expect him to. I don’t need to teach him to use a key. When he’s at my house he’s always with me and his big sister.

He doesn’t even like going downstairs on his own, never mind being left own! He would have no idea how to respond to a fire and I wouldn’t expect him to. I don’t need to teach him to use a key. When he’s at my house he’s always with me and his big sister.

The report to SS and police are OTT, I’d speak to his dad and say that this isn’t to happen and thankfully it was you and not a teacher he mentioned it to.
Also, I’d be teaching a 7 yr old to use a key, essential skill, if you took ill he might need to open a door to get help or let someone in.

The report to SS and police are OTT, I’d speak to his dad and say that this isn’t to happen and thankfully it was you and not a teacher he mentioned it to.
Also, I’d be teaching a 7 yr old to use a key, essential skill, if you took ill he might need to open a door to get help or let someone in.

The report to SS and police are OTT, I’d speak to his dad and say that this isn’t to happen and thankfully it was you and not a teacher he mentioned it to.
Also, I’d be teaching a 7 yr old to use a key, essential skill, if you took ill he might need to open a door to get help or let someone in.

I'll never forget fumbling with a key to unlock a door while a fire took hold behind me. I was an adult, shaking so much I could hardly hold the key. I had to physically stop, breathe and think carefully how to unlock a door. So no, this isn't safe.

He needs to know how to respond to a fire as one could break out in your home at night or when he is round a friend’s house.
You said in the OP that his dad should force him to come to the shops, but it isn’t clear why he would have to force him if he is scared to be alone.

I live in a European country outside the UK and this is fairly normal here. Under 6s aren't left alone but it's generally seen as fine for 7-8 year olds to be left alone for 15-30 mins at a time. A few kids in my daughter's class were latchkey kids from 8 or 9. My kids used to walk home from school together when they were 7 and 9 and would sometimes be alone for about 30 mins before I or DH got home.
I think it's OTT to say it's always very dangerous. It depends on the child. If they are impulsive, immature and they have no way of contacting the parent, it's a bad idea. If they are relatively sensible, have access to a phone, know not to open the door to strangers or light a fire, it's probably fine.
OP knows best what her DS is like, of course - but I work with children and many adults would be surprised at the level of responsibility and capability a small child can have if you put a bit of faith in them.

No, far too young.

I didn’t want to question my son too much so I’m not 100% sure. He didn’t seem worried or concerned about it though, which is very surprising to me as he’s very attached to us both. He won’t go downstairs on his own when at my house and if I’m upstairs he tends to follow me up. My son is very intelligent but I would say he is a young 7 year old (he was 6 less than 2 months ago), in terms of life skills. I agree I am very protective. However, I know in an emergency my son wouldn’t know what to do and I dread to think what would happen. He’s not aware of the dangers around him, at all!

he may well have done it to scare OP into not leaving his son with him again in order that he can get out of looking after him

This is a very neurotic thing to say. Yes, bad things happen. They also tend happen very rarely. A meteorite might drop on your head tomorrow as you walk to work - that's not a reason to stay indoors for the rest of your life.

You talk about him like he's 3 though...

A 7 yo who can't open a door, use a phone or walk over to the neighbours in case he needs help is a bit of an issue as far as I'm concerned.
So either he can do those things, or he's being treated like a baby.

@Madarch
Just about to say the same thing, I was sent to the off license for my dads fags at that age.

I won’t be reporting him but I will be having a word with him. This is my concern, I’m wondering if anything else is happening. Last week my son told me he hasn’t brushed his teeth at his dads for ages because his tooth brush is dirty… and it’s not the first time I’ve had to tell his dad he needs to brush his teeth which is ridiculous. I trust my ex to a point, but he’s a bit of a man child and clearly doesn’t think! He is definitely being a lazy parent!

I don't think it's necessarily too young but it is within the realms of being ok, depending on the child.

My 2 are 8 and 10, soon to be 9 and 11, the maturity gap between the 2 isn't huge but my eldest is allowed a tiny bit more freedom.

I would leave them both home alone for half an hour tops because I can be contactable and I wouldn't be far away. We've been through the dos and don'ts and tbh sometimes they don't move from one spot for ages. During half term I was home with them all day but they didn't actually need me. They walk themselves to their friends around the corner and they all just play on the estate. Again we have rules and if they break them there are consequences.

I probably wouldn't leave the 8 year old alone solo even though I know he would be absolutely fine just because I personally feel it's a bit young. My 10 year old is starting high school this year and will probably be home 10 minutes before I am so he either needs to learn to be home alone, stay at school or sit in the garden for 10 minutes.

Under 7 absolutely not, I feel 7-11 is a grey area where the younger ones could be capable but the older ones aren't because it's so child dependent as well as area/season dependent.

Mine get more freedom in the summer when it's light and more freedom if they are in a group.

He can clearly cope a lot better than you think if his dad can happily leave him while he goes to the shops.

He's 7, not 3.