7 year old child left alone whilst dad goes to the shop

[Pinkie89]

My recently turned 7 year old son has just told me that when he’s at his dad’s, he is sometimes left alone whilst dad goes to the shop. Said shop is a 10 min walk each way. So I’m thinking he’s left alone for a minimum of 30mins! Dad closes the curtains and leaves him a key to get out incase there is a fire.
I am in shock! My son can’t use a key at my house, so I doubt he could use one there! Good forbid something happened. I’m questioning my own judgement but surely this isn’t normal/acceptable? What would you do in this situation? I don’t want to ruin the relationship I have with his dad and make things awkward but I don’t feel like this is something I should have to teach him, as a grown man I’d expect him to know this isn’t ok and very dangerous! Also, he has all week to do his shopping! Or he could grow a pair, realise he’s the parent and tell my son he has to go with him!

I think this is fine, but you don't and that's what's important, as he is your son.
I'd be having a word with your ex. It does seem a bit strange he is NOT taking your biy with him. Is he definitely going to the shop?!

Yes there is - the fact that in an emergency such as a fire, a 7 year old cannot be responsible enough to deal with how to escape that. Or that your 7 year old might injure themselves and you’re not there to take appropriate action and they aren’t mature enough to help themselves or know what to do. Or they might try to experiment with the hob/gas/water as a game and cause a hazard or damage…..

You’ve decided it was 30 mins though.
If a 7 year old can’t be trusted to be alone in the house, or even downstairs in the house for a period of time they can’t be trusted with their own perception of time surely. Your 7yo didn’t even say it was 30 mins, he said the shop was about 10 mins away, you’ve assumed it must have been 10 mins in the shop but really all this could have been completed in 15 mins or less.

I’ve never spent 10 mins in a corner shop.
Presumably you know where the shop is relative to where your ex lives and can work out the distance yourself?

Autism does make a big difference, yes. Most children are not autistic, and OP has not said her son is, so I don't think the comparison between your child and hers is appropriate. She has also said her DS didn't seem at all bothered by being left alone.

You would be very wrong. All the kids are out at that age where I live, including my own.

A 7 year old who does any of those things does not possess appropriate cognitive ability for their age. Hardly relevant.

I can’t believe how much these parents are expecting of 7 year olds 😅 I might as well kick him out because it sounds like he should be old enough to stand on his own 2 feet now 🤦🏻‍♀️

I didn’t say none, so no I wouldn’t be very wrong.
Feel free to start a poll. I think it’s clear from this thread, and the previous similar one that most children that age are not allowed out in the street unattended.

I think it depends on the child, the area and if the child is happy to be left. I left mine alone at that age probably earlier too. They just sat in the sofa and watched tv. They could get out in the garden easily and were also happy to be left.

Really? Admittedly my eldest is only 6 1/4 so maybe he will get there by 7 but, although usually sensible, he would totally panic in a crisis and I wouldnt want to put him in the position of knowing what to do and how to handle a house fire. He also definitely sometimes does things that could be dangerous to him - sliding down bannister, leaping from one sofa to another, trying to get something heavy down off the counter etc and that could feasibly end up in an injury I wouldn’t want him to have to endure alone.

I recognise by 7 the risk might be lower than at younger ages but why take the risk when you could just take your 7 year old for a 10 min walk and some fresh air??

Ok well I’ll use one of my other children as an a more straight forward like for like example then. NT 11 year old wasn’t left on his own when he was 7 because he was 7. I’m with OP about how she feels.

I have recently found out almost everyone in my dad’s family has autism, and it’s led me to wonder if I do too so my son could do also. However, I don’t think it matters. He’s my son, my role is to protect and care for him, ensure he is happy and well looked after. If he is most happy, secure and content when close to me then so be it. He’s just turned 7, not 17!

If you're not sure he can use the key, teach him! But I would be inclined to ask his dad to leave the door unlocked rather than lock him in. But you're not happy about him being left anyway. Seven is young. Some kids would be fine; others would be scared.

Yanbu. Your ex is really irresponsible to be leaving him on his own whilst he goes to the shop.

I can't believe how little some people are expecting of 7 year olds.
I work with kids. I've seen 1 year olds take their plate, empty the leftovers into a compost bucket and then put the plate on the food trolley after lunch. I've seen them then take a towel from a pile and hold it up for me to wet it under the tap, for them to then wipe the excess food off their face with. Kids are capable of so much more than we often give them credit for. And 7 yos are certainly more than capable of unlocking doors, using a phone and sitting on a sofa for 30 mins watching cartoons while dad is at the shop.

Exactly! 👏🏻 I don’t care if the risk is minimal, losing my son to a fire or other horrific incident isn’t a risk I’m willing to take. I’m shocked other parents are! Should I phone the fire service, get him in training to put out fires.

That's due to the cultural difference I talked about. The vast majority of kids his age would be responsible enough where I live because they are raised to be. That's a choice that any parent can make but isn't the norm in the UK, hence his peers but is the norm in many other countries hence my 1st grader and his peers who stay home alone and walk to school alone and pop to the shop when needed.

Same. DD sometimes doesn't want to go out and begs to be left home alone. She promises she'll just be watching TV or iPad and won't do anything stupid. She has never deliberately destroyed or tampered with anything in her life before (eg turning on taps or stove, playing with electrical sockets etc) so I fully trust her on that.

I personally find 7 too young for 30 mins (maybe 10 mins if you were at a neighbours or closer shop might be ok) but in the country I live in this would be completely normal.

Knowing how to use a key is by the by in the event of a fire, he needs to know how to break open a window/break a window and jump like his life depends on it.

If he isn't old enough to grasp that in a life or death situation you choose the fastest way out, and your ex isn't responsible enough to teach it for his particular living space, he shouldn't be left alone.

No, you said almost none, and maybe you're correct but what I see around me is different. Maybe my kids and neighbours are just lucky. They're not playing out on random streets as we live on an estate so they're able to play out and live their lives more freely. I'm happy my kids get to experience that rather than be too afraid to unlock a door.

Of course my son can do those things. And maybe he should know how to unlock the door, this has made me re-consider my approach. However, I do not expect him to be able to react to an emergency situation appropriately, save himself if he’s chocking or tackle a potential intruder. I’m horrified that you work with kids and think it’s appropriate. Knowing my son’s friends, none of them would be 100% safe being left alone for 30 mins minimum.

Absolutely too young. Why on earth can’t they go to the shop together? Is he actually going somewhere else? Could he be leaving him for longer if your son is unlikely to know exactly how long he’s gone?

Also if something did happen and it ended up in the news like these incidents usually do, people would be falling over themselves to say how shocked they are that a 7 year old was left on their own.

Well, maybe not the posters on here actually seeing as they’re so cool with it.

But this viewpoint is insane. Why/how would a fire start? How statistically likely is this to happen?
If you start thinking like this, why let him even be in the house with his dad or with you at all? What if you or your ex just dropped dead of an aneurysm and a housefire started at the same time? Unlikely, but it could happen, right? He can't use a key to unlock doors - much safer for him to just live in a tent outdoors. It's just not safe in the house.
Sorry to be facetious, but do you see if how you think like this, where does it end? What is the actual likelihood of a fire starting? It's very very low. Most housefires are started by things like cooking with hot fat and open flames or smoking cigarettes. Your son won't be doing any of that. He will be watching tv.