MIL planning her own party and didn’t invite me!

[ImaMothertoo]

MIL has planned a Mother’s Day afternoon tea party for herself.

She called dh to invite him today and made it clear the invite is ONLY for him ! He’s one of 5. She only wants her dc there ! Told him she’s arranged it early so that nobody else makes plans and we (the partners) all have notice 😂😂 she’s mad !

He told her that he already has plans and he will pop round the day before with her gifts !

AIBU to think she’s really rude to do this !

OPs mum is dead so MIL knows OP won't be spending the day with anyone.

I would never put my son in the position that his wife is made to feel unwelcome by his family.

I've heard of it quite a lot

Bear in mind, how often do they just have their kids together?

I can understand why that would be a lovely treat for your MIL and it wouldn’t bother me in the slightest. Can you do something as a family for Mother’s Day on the Saturday instead? That way everyone gets a nice Mother’s Day.

When one’s kids are small tbe option to spend Mother’s Day without them can be more appealing 😂

@MynameisJune if your daughters have DC would you expect them to have Mother’s Day without their DC so they can spend it with you

You don’t think that @ImaMothertoo‘s dh should be helping his children celebrate their mother, rather than going off without his wife or children to his mum’s party, @aBuffetofunreasonableness?

Or maybe her MIL could have planned a party that celebrated all of the mums - any her daughters and daughters in law who are mums - as well as herself?

I am a MIL and I know that ds1’s wife absolutely takes priority on Mother’s Day - I wouldnt dream of organising a party for Mother’s Day and excluding my DIL!

This. I'm a grandmother now. I hope mummies with children are spoilt on this day. They're doing the work now. I've my own happy memories

What usually happens for Mothers day?

I'd just laugh it off... I have younger kids, and sometimes it's nice to see them just on their own without their DP. Don't you have your own DM to see? After all, its Mothers Day, not MIL's Day....

Considering it isn’t the full day, I’d certainly hope that I’d be able to ask them to without being labelled crazy or a narcissist. I’d also hope that they’d have enough love and respect for me that they’d also want to spend time together just us.

My parents are elderly now, the amount of mothers days/fathers days that I have left with them is low double digits if I am incredibly lucky. If my mum wants to see me alone I can do that. I see my kids every day. Same as DH if his mum asked.

Well she's making it pretty clear she doesn't like you unfortunately.

When your children are older and have their own families they come as a package. She should see you as part of her family and well, as a daughter in law. The fact your own mother has died makes this even worse.

My MIL would probably invite me over her son, it wouldn't even enter her mind to try and exclude me from a family celebration.

Asking spend time with just her kids isn’t making her daughter in law feel unwelcome. And anyone who thinks that way has a problem, and it’s not the mother in law.

Seeing as the OP has 3 kids, the eldest being 11 I’d bet the mil is in her 60’s. Do you think she might be looking at the number of years she has left, in good enough health to be active and able, and maybe she’s thinking she should do somethings now before the option isn’t on the table anymore?

I know mumsnet hates MiL’s and god mine has had her moments and we don’t get along that much. But I can still understand why as a mother she’d want to see her kids, alone, for a few hours on Mother’s Day sometimes.

But the children in this case haven’t been invited have they? So as per the OP’s post, DH is invited to afternoon tea with his Mother and OP is home with her kids. So no peaceful afternoon for the OP at all.

I think it's fine for her to want a catch up with just her children but not on Mothers day itself!!

@MynameisJune are you expecting your DC to live near you forever so they would be at least be able to spend a few hours with you

Why can't she have a peaceful morning and evening though

One women maternity is not more special or better than others. She wants the attention of her grown up kids, is up to them if she has it or not.
As DIL you can make plan for the same day to celebrate your own mother day with your kids and husband and that is fine.
In theory, I don't see anything wrong in planning a meal only with her grown up kids on mother's day well in advance to book that day. Difficult to materialize, yes because every household with kids will have already plans. A bit OTT, maybe. Wrong and ridiculous, I don't think so.
She may well be an attention seeker or a standard woman who happen to want a dinner with her kids on their own for once.
OP, you and your husband know her best.

Yea but not take them away from their own families and supporting his wife on Mother’s Day!

I actually think she wants a child-free day. Excluding partners makes this happen without actually having to say so.

Don't blame her really.

If I'm right, she's a very clever lady.

It’s fairly obvious I would have thought

the partners are mothers too - and their partners will be needed at home!

Yes we can tell your child free..

complete lack of understanding

This

She’s her MIL though

people who can’t see the problem are just…well I don’t know

I have 3 adult kids and 6 grandchildren.

I don't see an issue either tbh. It's a few hours

My own DD is often working mothers Day ( like many mothers) She gets the " fuss" either before or after work