MIL planning her own party and didn’t invite me!

[ImaMothertoo]

MIL has planned a Mother’s Day afternoon tea party for herself.

She called dh to invite him today and made it clear the invite is ONLY for him ! He’s one of 5. She only wants her dc there ! Told him she’s arranged it early so that nobody else makes plans and we (the partners) all have notice 😂😂 she’s mad !

He told her that he already has plans and he will pop round the day before with her gifts !

AIBU to think she’s really rude to do this !

Nothing to add, but @TanquerayTickles I have never heard Twatspangle and intend to use it as soon as I can - what a fantastic word

Well her son has declined to that's the end of it & was a risk she took that some won't go.

But for me if it was only a couple of hours or so it wouldn't bother me.

I wouldn't be interested in seeing my MIL on MD & as long as my kids were with me-all good!

The problem is that the partners excluded are also parents!

So they can spend time with their kids. Perfect, no? What’s with the ‘child wrangling’ comment? Don’t you enjoy your kids company?

You don’t get women who want to be the centre of attention all day… exactly what the OP’s mil is wanting? But then stick up for the OP’s mil 🤣

I said child wrangling, and yes, of course, people enjoy their kids' company (especially now that mine are grown up), but three young children is hard work, whatever way you slice it.

Child wrangling is a saying, sorry you haven't heard it before.

It's an afternoon tea party, so you'll have plenty of time with your DH on the day, no? I can't see the problem. Is your Mil a bit fed up that she never gets to see her children on mother's day, maybe?

Then make it a whole family event including her son's wife - the mother of his children rather than just for her DC.

I am really glad OP's DH has the good sense to say no because the mother of his own children is the priority in his family unit.

Eurgh, your mother in law is a cunt

Since when is Mother’s Day only about your own mother? On Father’s Day I celebrate my dad, and my DH for being a fantastic father to my children. If my dad invited me over for the day and said my DH wasn’t welcome there’s no way I would go.

The idea that any man would celebrate his mum at the expense of the mother of his children is pretty ludicrous to me. Whilst OP’s MIL is literally her husband’s mother, I doubt she does much active mothering these days. If anyone is in need of a bit of pampering surely it’s the woman dealing with three young children 😂

I don’t see the problem, my dh always spent Mother’s Day with his mum, and I’d spend it with mine. Dc would go with one of us depending on what we were doing 🤷🏻‍♀️. Never had any drama.

Now both of us no longer have our mums, I usually just see adult dc. If dh is there or has other plans (he sometimes goes out, I think he likes some space to think about his own mum), either way not a problem.

Too many women make Mother’s Day into a test for their dp/dh or a competition with their DM/MIL to be top dog, instead of just enjoying being with either your own mum or kids.

You have young children, your mother has passed away. Her behaviour is bizarre and selfish. She should have invited partners too.

Wouldn't you be visiting your own mother if anything?

Sorry just seen she's passed away.

But maybe the other siblings partners have mothers to visit

It is an afternoon tea party- probably 2 hours, not taking up the morning, or lunch time or supper time. If her children live nearby, I don't see anything wrong with a MIL wanting to have a couple of hours just with her own children. Of course they can say no, but- she is NOT taking up the whole day, and it is special and different to have just your own children with you for an hour or two.

This seems like a perfectly natural thing to hope for as a mother of adult children. It is something special that probably happens very rarely.

My mum died years ago. Would love to see her but obv can’t

im a single parent now and I won’t have a dh to fawn over me and didn’t last year - but I have a lovely daughter who went with a friend and got me stuff and we went out for a breakfast just the two of us

in op case - sure dh will spoil her and then surely kids can go and play /watch tv while dh with his mum

Does she only have sons?

Well, given that the OP has said her mother has passed away probably not.

I agree @ImaMothertoo , it is a weird thing for MIL to request and quite self centred.

My MIL is amazing, does loads for us and our kids and usually includes her children's partners in everything - except mothers day and father's day. She assumes we'll want to do things with our own parents.

My OH and I are the only ones out of his siblings with kids so far, and since we've had our kids MIL has continued to suggest a lunch for her and her own kids but always says she understands if my OH wants to be with me and our children.

My OH wants to be with his mum on mother's day, and our kids are young so we're up early enough to have breakfast together and do a nice morning activity before OH goes off for lunch with his mum, dad and siblings. I then take the kids to see my mum. Works for us in our time of life, but we do live very close to our parents so that helps.

ETA so sorry you've lost your own mum OP, I read that comment after posting. That changes things, it seems unfair for her to not invite you and your kids in these circumstances. Do you see her as a mother figure to you or is that not your relationship?

It’s only a day on the calendar. Let her have it and then do something nice the next Sunday. It really doesn’t matter.

She sounds bonkers. Yanbu. Glad your dh said no

Surely you ask people before you plan anything even if posters think she is okay to only ask her DC

Here’s a clue Mother’s Day! Not mother-in-law’s Day or grandmothers Day MOTHERS DAY 🤣

I did edit that after seeing it.

Thinking about that my ex used to visit his mother on mother's day. Really wasn't an issue.And I liked her lol

Id visit my own mother also. One of my brothers wives used to visit gers and brother visit mine.

@Cappie73 and how is OP being spoiled/celebrated on Mother’s Day?

It's weird of MIL precisely because OP has lost her mum. It's a bit self-centered. Fine to include everyone or ask if they can do evening/morning, but not to block out huge chunks of the day way in advance.