MIL planning her own party and didn’t invite me!

[ImaMothertoo]

MIL has planned a Mother’s Day afternoon tea party for herself.

She called dh to invite him today and made it clear the invite is ONLY for him ! He’s one of 5. She only wants her dc there ! Told him she’s arranged it early so that nobody else makes plans and we (the partners) all have notice 😂😂 she’s mad !

He told her that he already has plans and he will pop round the day before with her gifts !

AIBU to think she’s really rude to do this !

when you have young dc that’s the mum who gets focussed on for Mother’s Day, the one who rarely gets a break. Thats how my mum works! This is super rude and my dh wouldn’t go either.

Very self centred and you can bet she’ll want more than 1-2 hours

i cant believe that she has five children none of which don’t have children and wife’s of their own

Oh don’t be ridiculous - her children are grown now and will be with their own families

sounds like an end of life crisis - rather than mid life to me

I know. I can only conclude they’ve just common her to argue the other way deliberately

Her kids are 6, 9 and 11. She’s not going to be ‘seeing’ them. She’s going to be looking after them, entertaining them, feeding them and clearing up after them, while her DH is swanning off to have a lovely relaxing afternoon with tea and cake and no parenting responsibilities. He has children of an age where he is needed to facilitate their celebration of their mum and that takes priority over afternoon tea with his own mum.

OP, your MiL is insane.

She's very unreasonable to dictate time, plans etc when this is a day when other mothers in the family may wish to celebrate in a way which is appropriate to their life stage.

She hasn't 'asked' OP's DH to see him for a bit on Mother's Day, she's made plans which exclude his wife (the mother of his children) and will leave her at home alone with the kids (which is probably quite hard work and isn't in any way special), knowing that her mother has passed away, taking up a big chunk of the middle of the day so they can't - for example - have a day out as a family.

He's declined these plans because he already has plans to celebrate his children's mother, who will probably be grieving her mother on this day .

OP's DH sounds great tbh. Good for him.

Rubbish. She's not invited any of the partners.

I thought it was fairly normal that mums with younger family gets a lie in and breakfast in bed plus card and gifts from the kids.
Older mum (gran) gets taken out by her kids either as a big family or by her own children.

It's not crazy if MIL - she's got 5 kids. It would be carnage with partners and young kids as well.

This is so true. Just send him with the kids and your Mother’s Day can be one of peace for a few hours.

It should be a celebration with all mothers together !!!!
I was asked if I wanted to go for a meal by my DH and I said ring your mum and all the kids and partners we will all celebrate together how it should b done
(That's if u all get on well thou ) 😁

It's crazy to tell not ask.

She told her son what she wanted, he said that he's got other plans. If she's not willing to discuss what he or his wife or their children might want on that day and find a compromise solution that works for everyone then she should expect to be turned down. Which is what's happened.

It was particularly horrible to plan this with no thought for how OP may be feeling being left alone on this day when her mother died quite recently from the sounds of it. Not nice.

I don’t think YABU. I think Mother’s Day is for those currently raising young children. Obviously there’s no age where you stop being a mother but realistically MIL could celebrate at another point. I don’t have a problem with her wanting to spend some time with just her children but OP spending the afternoon looking after 3 young dc is not exactly a celebratory day.

Yes, she’s rather rude. What are you as the MOTHER to his children meant to do instead? Is she always such an arsehole? @ImaMothertoo

No, some of us genuinely just don’t care about being ‘pampered’ on Mother’s Day. But maybe that’s because we didn’t marry losers who only treat us nicely on one day of the year. I get plenty of lie in’s, spa days, days out as a family or just with my kids/DH that I don’t feel the need to make sure that we spend every second of Mother’s Day together.

I know it’s hard to believe, but not everyone thinks the same and it’s not just to be argumentative 👍🏻

Surely he’s capable of doing both. Seems a bit odd to me that people are assuming that once your kids grow up you cease to be an important part of each others lives,

She's not the mother of the partners though, unless there's some weird family dynamics!

It’s them tiny sandwiches. They’re a bastard to make for more than 5

MIL is absolutely bonkers. When does she think you will have your Mothers' Day celebration?

probably in a minority here but my MIL would never do that, she treats me exactly the same as her actual children. I’d be upset if I was the op too.

A lot of assumptions there about how mothers day works - I didn’t read anywhere in the post “I desperately want to spend all of Mother’s Day with my kids because I’m not pampered at other times of the year” - in fact her husband sounds superb and gave the correct answer - no mother - because it’s so bloody obvious

who said anything about being pampered except for the MIL?

it’s normal for young families to be together and the husband to support kids to be with their mum (not wait on her hand and foot) but give her a rest and have a bit of fun

it’s not normal to summon five of your grown up children and leave out their families

OP, are you my sister in law?😂 Eerily familiar scenario. Unless these tactics are being suggested on Gransnet

Wouldn’t you want to be with your own mum?

And once again some people think differently, it’s not normal to you. It’s plenty normal to lots of us that don’t see an issue with her asking her son to spend time with her without his kids or partner.

She’s allowed to ask, he’s allowed to say no. She shouldn’t be called crazy/insane/narcissistic for doing so.

There are plenty of posts on this thread saying the Op deserves to be ‘pampered’ on Mother’s Day. My post didn’t specify that it was what the Op had said. Nor did I say the Op had said she was desperate to spend all day with her DH but given she’s mad that he might have gone out for a few hours I’d say it’s pretty obvious what her response would have been had he even thought about going with his mum.

Agree, I do know some women who just spend the day with their mums, but think it's weird if you have a partner. I get that if all her kids tended to spend the day with their partner's mum, she might be fed up, but why not organise a whole family party to invite everyone.

Is she normally so selfish and entitled? Who on earth arranges their own Mother’s Day thing with their own adult DC-some of which have their own children - and excludes partners? She hasn’t even asked, she’s just presented this as happening!
sorry OP, I think she’s rude. And particularily nasty as you don’t have your own Mother with you x

OP has said her mum has died.