MIL planning her own party and didn’t invite me!

[ImaMothertoo]

MIL has planned a Mother’s Day afternoon tea party for herself.

She called dh to invite him today and made it clear the invite is ONLY for him ! He’s one of 5. She only wants her dc there ! Told him she’s arranged it early so that nobody else makes plans and we (the partners) all have notice 😂😂 she’s mad !

He told her that he already has plans and he will pop round the day before with her gifts !

AIBU to think she’s really rude to do this !

I'm suggesting a degree of flexibility that runs across multiple years and therefore allows this year to be seen not isolation but as one of many. So this year MIL gets it just as she wants, next year maybe she doesn't see her children at all, maybe in 2 years they do something all together.

It's only an issue worth getting upset about if you insist on making 15 March 2026 specifically such a significant date that not having it entirely as you want it causes conflict.

I'm not suggesting that DH prioritise his mother over his wife; that's up to him who he chooses to spend the day with. I'm saying that MIL's wishes, regardless of if they happen or not, are MIL's and nobody else's to decide. If it turns out, as appears to be the case, that MIL ends up with none of her children doing as she wants, so be it, but it's not DIL's place or right to demand that she change what she wants to include her.

Well hopefully MIL won't get upset or cause conflict because everyone has refused then. Because flexibility, and there's no need for her to treat the 4th Sunday of Lent specifically as significant.

Absolutely! Nobody needs to be getting upset. I completely agree.

Coming from a similarly large family, and with some long lived grandmothers also, I think the concept of multiple slots is one worth considering. Particularly if you want a large bloc of time as MIL does. We tend more towards larger gatherings, but if we didn't I think that's the only way it would work.

It's a Sunday 11-5. That gives them no time to enjoy some time out together as a family.

Yes, correct. For this one time. So still no big deal really

Yes, I am being simplistic although I didn't say mothers of only sons, I said mothers of sons. So you are a mother to a son and a daughter. I admit I'm being simplistic but we are all aware that instances such as this Mother's Day event, or 15th March 2026 as you put it, do not come out of thin air.

Important to note that OP's DH and his 4 siblings when asked individually, all said no. It's pretty clear who's being completely unreasonable, no matter how many horrible MIL defenders are on this thread on the wind up.

Anyone would think this MIL has murdered a load of people. She’s invited her kids round for the afternoon 😂

She is not your Mother, its fair enough that she wants to spend the day with her DC.
If it doesn't work for your DH he can tell her

How about the siblings get together and compromise - the five of them do Saturday afternoon with their mother. Spouses who still have their own mothers go and do something with them on the Saturday with the kids.

Then the brothers all help their wives have a lovely relaxing day on the Sunday.

Sister who doesn’t have kids yet can have her mother over to her house on the Sat and have lovely bonding day over the coming baby.

Or you could reverse the days if no one is hung up particularly on the Sat vs Sun issue.

Well clearly as all the adult children have declined, the do think it’s a big deal. The MIL may have had good intentions but her execution is problematic. Very divisive. At best she’s been naive and at worst mean.

Or MIL has sadly but undramatically accepted everyone declining and also isn't making it a big deal.

It wasn't a well put across invitation I agree. I still don't think the concept itself was inherently problematic. If she were to put out an invitation now with much more notice asking to have just her DC to lunch on 7 March 2027 I think it would rather churlish of everyone not to agree to that

As others have suggested, I wonder if there's something that she needs to tell her children.

Given that this is not something she's ever done or asked for before, it does make me think that's there's something specific behind it. Especially if she's being extremely clear that no-one other than the five children should attend.

The problem is MIL had now annoyed them all by wanting 6 hours of the day along with calling her DILs/SIL & GC 'not real family', & how she wants just her 'real family' there, & has repeated this again to DS since the post went live. So it doesn’t look like she's backing down or taking the refusal lightly. You can't compromise with someone who doesn't want to compromise, particularly whilst they are saying insensitive things. It seems she has picked her hill to die on.

If that's the case MIL could have suggested any other day, perhaps the Saturday, & it didn't need to be a 4 hour event in the middle if the day. Why wait until Mothers Day even, invite them any of the nearest evenings or Saturday/Sundays that they are free for a little get together. Instead she has used the reasoning that her DILs/SIL + GC are 'not real family', & repeated this on a second conversation with her DS. At this point she could alternatively have said, I have something important to share. Instead it seems she has insulted her DC so that they don't want to make such plans with her.

It doesn’t sound like a very happy extended family.

OP clearly doesn’t like her MIL, and it seems the feeling is mutual.

Christmas must be a blast with this lot! Imagine the tension and the jealousy and the undercurrents!

But that degree of flexibility is what the MIL has ruled out this year despite it having worked that way previously

That's a possibility but why pick mothers day?

Fair enough. She wants to spend quality time with her children

And it doesn’t matter if that ‘quality time’ is a big chunk out of the middle,of Mothers’ Day, so her son will be leaving his own wife and their kids (who apparently don’t count as family to his mum), instead of spending the day with the mother of his children.

I am a MIL and I wouldn't dream of selfishly taking my son away from his wife and kids on Mothers’ Day.

Because she is their mother?

But if you have something to tell them, that their partners and kids could not be privy too as suggested, why do that on Mothers day, it doesn't make sense.

Maybe she wants to give them a large financial present as part of her estate planning🥰. Mother’s Day would be a lovely day to do that.

I hope it’s that, and because none of kids would visit her on Mother’s Day she has decided the blow the money on herself!