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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to go mental at school mum?

399 replies

Whattadopikachu · 26/02/2026 16:47

My primary age daughter has a friend at school, her mother clearly doesn’t like me. Hasn’t since they started. She also doesn’t like my daughter.

Today my daughter comes out of school in a fit of tears, traumatised, saying “XXX told me her mum is saying that you and daddy don’t love me and don’t feed me anything”

What do I do with this? This kind of accusation has clearly come from an adult and isn’t just “kids being kids”.

What kind of mother says this to their young child about their friend?!? But also this is an extremely serious allegation and must be nipped in the bud. My instinct is to message her and just lay it all out and I’m trying very hard to remain composed.

How would you handle this?

OP posts:
adlitem · 26/02/2026 16:49

I would say yes, ywbu to go "mental" at another adult based on hearsay through two young children.

Livelaughlurgy · 26/02/2026 16:50

I would imagine this is lost in translation. DS once asked my why people wanted to kill themselves. And I took a deep breath and knows what I was about to launch into, and then i asked him why, and he explained we'd all be dead if we didn't look after the planet so do people who don't recycle just want to kill themselves......

I would probably say that's a strange thing to think. I hope you know We love you very much, are you hungry love?

WhatNoRaisins · 26/02/2026 16:50

Maybe speak to your child's teacher first.

Mydogisagentleman · 26/02/2026 16:51

Honestly, I think I would punch her.
Realistically I would probably message her and explain that that sort of insinuation could get her in trouble.
I'd ask her to explain to her DD that she was mistaken.

FreshInks · 26/02/2026 16:51

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Original poster
Whattadopikachu · 26/02/2026 16:51

adlitem · 26/02/2026 16:49

I would say yes, ywbu to go "mental" at another adult based on hearsay through two young children.

To be fair, the terminology of going “mental” is for dramatic effect. However, thats a comment that’s clearly been made by an adult.

OP posts:
MissingSockDetective · 26/02/2026 16:52

You take the grown up approach - speak to the teacher and wait for clarification.

PurpleLovecats · 26/02/2026 16:52

I would have just said something along the lines of “xxx is being silly isn’t she? You know we feed you and love you very much” and have moved on.
I’d not make any drama out of it.

DaisyChain505 · 26/02/2026 16:53

Stop giving so much energy to someone who really doesn’t matter to you and your life.

Your children go to the same school, that doesn’t mean she means anything to you or you have to waste a second thinking about her.

Focus on you and your life and leave the negative alone.

MissingSockDetective · 26/02/2026 16:53

PurpleLovecats · 26/02/2026 16:52

I would have just said something along the lines of “xxx is being silly isn’t she? You know we feed you and love you very much” and have moved on.
I’d not make any drama out of it.

Another sensible approach.

adlitem · 26/02/2026 16:54

Whattadopikachu · 26/02/2026 16:51

To be fair, the terminology of going “mental” is for dramatic effect. However, thats a comment that’s clearly been made by an adult.

Show quote history

Really? I think it's a comment that's quite unlikely to come from an adult, at least without some kind of childish reinterpretation.

If you are concerned, speak to the teacher to talk to the other girl about saying unkind things. I'd also speak to your own child about not everything that is said to her being true. I assume your child is very young to be traumatised by this, but kids can be awful and you will need to gently guide her through that. Going mental at other mums at the school gate is not the way to do that.

Original poster
Whattadopikachu · 26/02/2026 16:54

I did exactly this to my daughter.

But I believe something needs to be done about the mother.

OP posts:
JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 26/02/2026 16:55

How old is she though?

10yo and 4yo both primary aged but very different likelihood of being true.

FreshInks · 26/02/2026 16:55

Whattadopikachu · 26/02/2026 16:54

I did exactly this to my daughter.

But I believe something needs to be done about the mother.

Like what?

AngryBird6122 · 26/02/2026 16:55

I would send message something like hi xxx just wanted to check if you know anything about a telling b yesterday xyz. It apparently came from you! Obviously those are quite serious matters so I wanted to see if you knew anything before I involvecschool? It’s probably a misunderstanding but Obviously I can’t have these allegations going around!

keep it breezy but scare her a little - unless she’s a psycho

AshHeart · 26/02/2026 16:55

I don't know how you can be so sure in yourself the words came from an adult. It seems to me to be exactly the sort of comment children make to each other to get a reaction.

menopausalmare · 26/02/2026 16:56

You will probably end up with egg on your face taking the word of young children. Reassure your child you love her very much and distance yourself from the mum. If your daughter hears any nasty comments in school, she should speak to her teacher.

Parsleyforme · 26/02/2026 16:56

Don't go mental at her. If this is the kind of thing she is saying to her daughter then she has some issues I wouldn't want to be involved with. Reassure your daughter. If anything else gets back to you I would speak to the teacher and possibly message the mum saying her comments are upsetting your daughter and tell her that if she has serious concerns she should speak to the school

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 26/02/2026 16:56

Go through the school.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 26/02/2026 16:57

Losing your temper wont help you. At all.
Play smart.

Re your dd...

direct your dd to think critically... "she knows you feed her and she eats... you are eating a snack now while discussing this..." etc
Sally was either joking or confused.
Prepare her with responses in case it happend again.
"My mummy and daddy love me more than anything in the world and we eat lots of nice things together especially at the weekend"

Im assuming you do do that...?

I'd then tell the school under the guise of "being confused" dont mention the mum gives you evils or whatever your gripe... but something along the lines of "katie came home and said sally told her x y and z. Im really confused and just want to mention it because im arent sure if its sally being silly , or misunderstanding something she heard or its bullying but you want to flag as your dd was very upset"

And I'd do this because honestly I would be confused... they are bizarre accusations

MyBadday · 26/02/2026 16:57

Kids also say weird things sometimes. One child in my son’s class told another child he would die at 18 because he was eating “bad food”. His mother was mortified and explained that she told him if he ate bad food as a child he wouldn’t be healthy as an adult! Kids just mix things up.

TsunamiTsunami · 26/02/2026 16:57

MissingSockDetective · 26/02/2026 16:52

You take the grown up approach - speak to the teacher and wait for clarification.

This^^

You seem absolutely certain that the child is repeating something she heard at home and that's as may be. But it could just have easily been something said about someone else or something she saw on tv.

Don't fester over it but don't make a twat of yourself either. Let the school know what was said. Reassure your child that it isn't true. Don't start kicking off in the playground like a bad tiktok drama video. You will look like a dick

NadjaofAntipaxos · 26/02/2026 16:57

When you say the mother clearly doesn't like you, what are you basing this on, other than her possibly (or possibly not) having said something to her child about you?

ConstanzeMozart · 26/02/2026 16:58

Whattadopikachu · 26/02/2026 16:54

I did exactly this to my daughter.

But I believe something needs to be done about the mother.

Did exactly what?
I agree it could well be a child's misunderstanding and you need to be sure what actually happened before you do or say anything.

DaisyChain505 · 26/02/2026 16:58

Whattadopikachu · 26/02/2026 16:54

I did exactly this to my daughter.

But I believe something needs to be done about the mother.

Why create more drama and negativity in your life over something that ultimately this lady will deny?

She isn’t a long term friend or relative whose opinion you actually value, she’s a stranger.

Focus on your life and don’t breed negativity.

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