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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to go mental at school mum?

399 replies

Whattadopikachu · 26/02/2026 16:47

My primary age daughter has a friend at school, her mother clearly doesn’t like me. Hasn’t since they started. She also doesn’t like my daughter.

Today my daughter comes out of school in a fit of tears, traumatised, saying “XXX told me her mum is saying that you and daddy don’t love me and don’t feed me anything”

What do I do with this? This kind of accusation has clearly come from an adult and isn’t just “kids being kids”.

What kind of mother says this to their young child about their friend?!? But also this is an extremely serious allegation and must be nipped in the bud. My instinct is to message her and just lay it all out and I’m trying very hard to remain composed.

How would you handle this?

OP posts:
tealgrey · 26/02/2026 18:45

HeadDeskHeadDesk · 26/02/2026 18:23

Well you'd be VU to go absolutely mental over something you heard third hand via a child. But I think you should phone the mum and sweetly tell her what your DD has said and then ask her for an explanation.

I'd definitely do it by phone rather than by text. Her reaction to your question and whether she bluffs and blusters and squirms or panics will tell you all you need to know. Doing it by text gives her the opportunity to compose her response and wriggle off the hook.

You will be the one who looks mental if you do this OP. You will also be very easy to portray as mental to all the other parents.

Don't do this.

Its really not fair on your daughter either to do this. If the other parents take against you - its going to make it harder for her to get play dates.

I would be extremely unimpressed if one of the school mums phoned me to have such a ' he said, she said' conversation with me. And they'd get very short shrift from me.

AnotherChangeDay · 26/02/2026 18:48

What are you going to do @Whattadopikachu ?

The advice to go straight to the teacher is the way to go

Whatamievenreqdingrn · 26/02/2026 18:49

Whattadopikachu · 26/02/2026 18:30

Personally,

I think telling an 8 year old that her friends family don’t love them and don’t feed them, is quite serious.. I would never say such a thing to my daughter about one of her friends?

My daughter is tall and slender, but far from malnourished.

Show quote history

🙈 your daughter is going to struggle with friendships in the future if this is how you react to things. Your so angry and making it into such a big deal? You'll get a terrible name for yourself amongst parents and teachers

Kids say stupid impulsive stuff all the time, it's on us how we teach our children to react to it and it's on us to go and speak to the teacher to get it sorted out.

SlouchyBeanie · 26/02/2026 18:49

But I believe something needs to be done about the mother

Age 9 I had a school friend who was very chubby. When I went to their house for tea one day they bought us adult size portions of fish & chips which there was absolutely no way I could possibly eat. My 9 year old friend ate the lot.
Despite encouragement I got about a quarter way through it and was stuffed to the gills.

Her mother said "Blimey, you don't cost much to feed"
My interpretation was that she thought my mother didn't give me much food in order not to spend money. I never voiced this to anyone because I promptly forgot. Kids don't always interpret adult comments in an adult way, especially when it's been filtered through "two" primary age kids.

Your post reminded me of it from decades ago.

Walli2 · 26/02/2026 18:50

Kids say stupid stuff. If a school mum contacted me about a childish comment my kid allegedly made, I'd think they'd lost the plot. Just encourage your daughter to play with someone else.

SlouchyBeanie · 26/02/2026 18:51

But I can’t leave a mother making allegations like that

Third hand allegations through primary aged kids.
Have a think.

HoppityBun · 26/02/2026 18:52

You love your daughter, your daughter knows that you love her. She also knows that you feed her. So you can both agree that what she was told isn’t true and that this other girl said mean things and was horrid. Then get on with your evening

Planner2026 · 26/02/2026 18:54

It’s never the right thing to ‘go mental’ at another school mum.
Just breeze through it with your child ‘We love you very much and of course we feed you lots of yummy, healthy food’.
If something similar happens again that make the teacher aware.

dairydebris · 26/02/2026 18:54

HeadyLamarr · 26/02/2026 18:43

I think telling an 8 year old that her friends family don’t love them and don’t feed them, is quite serious..

I don't. It should be blatantly, ridiculously untrue and obvious to any 8yo that no, she isn't routinely being starved to death and that her parents clearly love her and let her know.

It's about as serious as saying "your dog won the world's ugliest dog competition," or "my dad flies the space shuttle," - manufactured nonsense that in no way reflects reality and can be laughed off. (DS did have a friend who claimed his dad piloted Thunderbird 3, come to think if it, but he was 4 at the time)

Unless your family has some deep problems, this is the rubbish children laugh off or say "I know you are but what am I" and other bickering nonsense. No one who is healthy gets traumatised by this crap.

Stop making this into something significant.

Well precisely.

Do you love your child and does she know it?
Do you feed your child or is she malnourished?

Its clearly nonsense so treat it as such.

JLou08 · 26/02/2026 18:54

Going mental at the mum would be a very bad idea, first off it's not very dignified or mature, secondly I wouldn't be confident this has come from the other child's mum. It sounds more like something a child would say. I think it's more likely that DDs 'friend' has made this up.

Shinyandnew1 · 26/02/2026 18:54

I wouldn’t do anything, I would just ignore it.

Original poster
Whattadopikachu · 26/02/2026 18:56

The issue is this isn’t the first time and it is upsetting to my daughter.

My daughter is very sensitive, takes things very literally, and is very respectful of adults and their opinions. (Likely ASD but undiagnosed).

Of course she knows we love her, of course she knows she gets fed, but a comment like that is distressing for her, to hear that another adult has said we don’t love her. (and yes, while I can see some people doubt it’s come from the mother, I however know that it has).

Resilience is important yes, and the situation is a good teaching moment, but why should she have to hear nasty remarks from mean middle aged women?

Think the best way is to go through the school.

OP posts:
dairydebris · 26/02/2026 18:57

Whattadopikachu · 26/02/2026 18:56

The issue is this isn’t the first time and it is upsetting to my daughter.

My daughter is very sensitive, takes things very literally, and is very respectful of adults and their opinions. (Likely ASD but undiagnosed).

Of course she knows we love her, of course she knows she gets fed, but a comment like that is distressing for her, to hear that another adult has said we don’t love her. (and yes, while I can see some people doubt it’s come from the mother, I however know that it has).

Resilience is important yes, and the situation is a good teaching moment, but why should she have to hear nasty remarks from mean middle aged women?

Think the best way is to go through the school.

Well work on her not taking it so seriously then.

There will forever be people like this, its better to learn how to cope with it rather than trying to get it to stop and likely feeding the flames.

Teach her to let it go.

Nosleepforthismum · 26/02/2026 19:02

God OP, just dial it back. This feels like a complete non-issue to me. Make a joke and be completely unfazed when your kid comes out with this stuff. You are setting her up to be overly anxious about things other people say if you react in this OTT manner.

Don’t message or call the mum. It’s just 8 year olds taking things out of context. That said, if your DD is continuously being upset by things this other girl is saying then take it up with the school but as a one off you really do just need to move on.

BlueWellieSocks · 26/02/2026 19:02

You don't need to do anything regarding the other parent, just talk to your DD about what to do when someone says something unkind.

All this drama is completely ridiculous. At this stage I wouldn't even bother the teacher with it.

Familyvalues80 · 26/02/2026 19:02

I had a similar thing happen to me. My daughter came home saying that one of her friends had said that our family, and another family I know, are ‘unhealthy families’, whilst another family (also friend’s of mine) was a ‘healthy family’ along with her family obviously! Apparently I had failed to introduce her to foods such as guacamole!

I was furious, what was she basing this on? Play date food? Some indulgent dinner party food I kindly cooked for her? The mum was a good friend of mine but now we don’t speak after the plethora of other things she accused me of. Some people are not worth it. Don’t say anything but stay well away from that family.

anniegun · 26/02/2026 19:02

Fighting another Mum in the playground will set a great example to both kids

Gonners · 26/02/2026 19:05

anniegun · 26/02/2026 19:02

Fighting another Mum in the playground will set a great example to both kids

I'd pay for a ticket to see that.

HeadyLamarr · 26/02/2026 19:07

Resilience is important yes, and the situation is a good teaching moment, but why should she have to hear nasty remarks from mean middle aged women?

She didn't hear nasty remarks from a mean woman. She heard nonsense from an 8 year old classmate.

You need to model shaking off other people's crap, not endorsing her response by 'going mental' with a parent from class.

My 5 year old came home in tears because the visiting vicar to the school told him "Jesus loves you more than even your parents." "You don't love me as much as Jesus? but you said Jesus wasn't real, he was just in stories that some people believe!"

I just said I was sorry that the poor vicar didn't feel fully loved by his parents, but he could rest assured his dad and I loved him more than anything in the whole world so not to worry. And would he like fish fingers or speghetti for dinner?

Dollymylove · 26/02/2026 19:07

My younger sister aged about 5 told her teacher that I was dead. They poor woman nearly fainted 😆

GreenWheat · 26/02/2026 19:07

You don't like the mum so have convinced yourself it's coming from her, but it actually sounds much more like something a child would say. It's a stupid childish comment, not a "very serious allegation". At most, mention it to the teacher to keep an eye on.

JTRSOP · 26/02/2026 19:07

Whattadopikachu · 26/02/2026 16:51

To be fair, the terminology of going “mental” is for dramatic effect. However, thats a comment that’s clearly been made by an adult.

Show quote history

How is that “clearly made by an adult”? Kids say all kinds of stuff.

tealgrey · 26/02/2026 19:08

AngryBird6122 · 26/02/2026 16:55

I would send message something like hi xxx just wanted to check if you know anything about a telling b yesterday xyz. It apparently came from you! Obviously those are quite serious matters so I wanted to see if you knew anything before I involvecschool? It’s probably a misunderstanding but Obviously I can’t have these allegations going around!

keep it breezy but scare her a little - unless she’s a psycho

I really do wonder about the mental capacity and emotional security of people when I read posts like this.

How can anyone think this is a sane, reasonable or constructive approach to take is beyond me.

JTRSOP · 26/02/2026 19:10

AshHeart · 26/02/2026 16:55

I don't know how you can be so sure in yourself the words came from an adult. It seems to me to be exactly the sort of comment children make to each other to get a reaction.

Yep - this is not a comment an adult would make. Sounds like kids making stuff up to cause a reaction. I remember kids at school telling one boy his mum had died and he was absolutely devastated.

Franpie · 26/02/2026 19:10

Whattadopikachu · 26/02/2026 18:30

Personally,

I think telling an 8 year old that her friends family don’t love them and don’t feed them, is quite serious.. I would never say such a thing to my daughter about one of her friends?

My daughter is tall and slender, but far from malnourished.

Show quote history

You have no idea whether or not the mum said this. It could very well just be the 8 year old being bitchy.

Kids telling other kids that their parents don’t love them is not a serious allegation, it’s just kids being mean. And sometimes kids are just mean for no reason whatsoever.

i’m surprised this comment made your DD run out of school crying tbh. If one of the mean kids had said something so weirdly pathetic and blatantly untrue to one of my kids at that age I don’t think they would have given it enough thought to even tell me let alone shed tears over it.