to go mental at school mum?

[Whattadopikachu]

My primary age daughter has a friend at school, her mother clearly doesn’t like me. Hasn’t since they started. She also doesn’t like my daughter.

Today my daughter comes out of school in a fit of tears, traumatised, saying “XXX told me her mum is saying that you and daddy don’t love me and don’t feed me anything”

What do I do with this? This kind of accusation has clearly come from an adult and isn’t just “kids being kids”.

What kind of mother says this to their young child about their friend?!? But also this is an extremely serious allegation and must be nipped in the bud. My instinct is to message her and just lay it all out and I’m trying very hard to remain composed.

How would you handle this?

I think you are overreacting. This could be something as simple as one time the girls were playing and the other girl had snacks and your dd didn’t bring any, and her dd asked why she didn’t have snacks later, and mum simply explained why that not everyone gets snacks everyday after school, aren’t you lucky I love you so much! As a way of making a joke and deflecting. An awful lot gets lost in translation at this age.

You need to speak to your daughter's teacher. This is something that happened in school, not outside it, so speak to the class teacher. Yes, it's possible the other Mother has said something nasty about you to her daughter. It's equally possible that your daughter has misunderstood the girl or the girl has interpreted something her Mum said, wrongly.

I certainly wouldn't be messaging the Mum at this stage. You need facts, not hearsay between two children, which may or may not be correct.

Why do you think this Mum dislikes you and your daughter?

Honestly I can’t explain how I know it’s this child’s mother, but please just trust me that I KNOW it’s this child’s mother

You're going to look and sound unhinged if you kick off to another parent about third hand hearsay from eight year olds.

Nevermind this one parent, all the parents will be giving you side-eye if you 'go mental' over such an unsubstantiated pile of nonsense.

Why doesn’t she like you? Are you in the habit of “going mental” or getting overly involved in playground drama?

At 8 I’d expect my daughter to know she’s fed and loved rather than taking the word of a child in her school and being traumatised. It’s all extremely dramatic. Dial it down and obviously don’t contact the mum directly. If your daughter is unhappy at school then talk to the school.

No it isn't. If anything it sounds more like something a child would pick up from a book rather than something an adult would say.

Why can’t you explain it?

Why can't you explain?

We can't give advice if you don't give the whole story/ reasons

On the face of it, it is very bizarre, and I imagine something has got lost in translation somewhere.

Nonetheless, I can think of one scenario that might have involved loose talk coupled with nosey child eavesdropping. I’m just going to ask it straight out - do you have an eating disorder, OP? Anorexia or Orthorexia, and this is feeling defensive.

This ...you know the truth ...it's not an allegation its nonsense..you love each other and feed your daughter ...time to reflect on why absolute nonsense is so triggering ...teach your DD reasoning....are you fed? Do you think / feel Mum and Dad love each other?
End of issue

It’s hardly serious is it, how would you even bring it to the schools attention without dying of embarrassment…

‘Miss, DD has said that her friend said that her mum said that I don’t love her and don’t feed her and it’s made us devastated so can you tell them off please’

🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️

Speak to school. Not the parent.

I bet your bottom dollar she did not say that! I would tell you child that its utter nonsense and then move on.

Calm down, this will all be a misunderstanding.

There is a lot of "I just KNOW she does not like me or my daughter. I just KNOW she said something horrible about me". And then saying you wanted to go mental at her but not really because it was just for dramatic effect.... this does all sound like unnecessary drama tbh.

But it isn't 100% impossible the mum hates you for no reason whatsoever and thinks you neglect your child for no reason whatsoever. But even if that's true (and the mum would have to be a certifiable madwoman), surely that would mean you should NOT engage. Why would you seek her out to take her on? No. Absolutely not. Tell the school and ask them to deal with whatever is going on between the girls. Then avoid the other mum.

You sound fairly childish yourself tbh. If the other kid is bullying your child then speak to the school.

Rather than taking the whole thing as a personal vendetta against you. Just because your kids attend the same school doesn't mean you need to care if some random mum likes you or not.

Presumably she doesn't know anything about you or your parenting from Adam?
Just ignore her.

^this you don't know exactly what's been said. This could be a simple miscommunication or child's interpretation that's muddled. So you need to be sure you understand all the facts before you react. And right now you don't have those, you just have your dds perspective.

I hate to ask it op because obviously this has been upsetting for you but has there ever been concerns raised about your family before?

I personally would go directly to the school and address it because its happening on school grounds and you need them to manage it. Then I'd ask for a meeting with the school and the other parents to address it and set a plan for moving forward.

I've no doubt you're angry and I totally see why, but if you let temper run away with you then you'll undermine yourself which you don't want to do.

I believe you. Some school mums are just twats, like there are twats everywhere. Don't know why everyone is saying there is no way this was said by an adult. Lucky for them they've never met anyone like this I guess!

Do you have a job OP? Any hobbies? This is quite dramatic and you seem a but weirdly fixated on this lady's opinion of you. I'd say you need to put your focus somewhere else and stop caring. It's kids being weird.

Speak to the teacher, dont go all guns blazing at the mum no matter how much you want to.

Roll your eyes, give her a cuddle and say 'what a silly thing to say! Its obvious we love you and of course we feed you! Perhaps shes having a hard time herself about something. If she says it again tell her not to be so silly. Come on then, lets get home and make dinner.'

No need to feed the drama troll by saying anything directly to the parent or to a teacher.

I would speak to the teacher.

I would reassure your daughter and have a word with the class teacher if anything saying that your daughter is upset because of what her friend said.
The teacher can then investigate, asking both girls what was said to try and find out.
I wouldn't approach the mum directly, it's highly unlikely she is going to say yes she did say that....and if she did what will you do then.

I don't think anyone's said there's no way it was said by an adult, only that theres nothing to indicate it must have been said by an adult.

Honestly?

I'd just tell my child

I wouldn't believe everything people tell you