to go mental at school mum?

[Whattadopikachu]

My primary age daughter has a friend at school, her mother clearly doesn’t like me. Hasn’t since they started. She also doesn’t like my daughter.

Today my daughter comes out of school in a fit of tears, traumatised, saying “XXX told me her mum is saying that you and daddy don’t love me and don’t feed me anything”

What do I do with this? This kind of accusation has clearly come from an adult and isn’t just “kids being kids”.

What kind of mother says this to their young child about their friend?!? But also this is an extremely serious allegation and must be nipped in the bud. My instinct is to message her and just lay it all out and I’m trying very hard to remain composed.

How would you handle this?

I don’t think that’s what an adult would say tbh. It sounds like something a child trying to be mean might say.

I’m not sure I’d say anything tbh.

Always believe your child! That's the first thing. Perhaps the other child could make up " Your mum and dad dont love you'" However im worried about "My mum says, your mum and dad don't feed you!" Something makes me feel that has indeed come from an adult. I wouldnt go mental,however any implication or accusation that you are neglecting your child by failing to feed her, needs following up on. Please ask for a meeting with your childs Headteacher. Give the other childs name and what her parent said and ask her to speak with the class teacher! Perhaps she would be willing to mediate a little by having you and the other mother in for a meeting. Don't text the other mother! In my experience "Forewarned is forearmed' The element of surprise will have more impact when she discovers you have involved the school.

Why would you go to the head and not the class teacher? That is incredibly over the top.
A quiet word with the teacher is all that is needed. 'Matilda came home on Friday upset because Evie said to her your mum and dad don't love you and don't feed you. I have spoken to Matilda about this not being true, but wondered if you could speak to Evie. I have also been concerned about their friendship recently and feel they could do with being separated if possible.'

Who cares!!!!! Teach your daughter to be kind, and maybe find another friend to hang out with.

I definitely wouldn’t “ go mental “ at some information passed on from one 8 year old girl to another.
i have 3 daughters and the stuff they come out with at that age 🤪
just say “ oh we do love you and of course we feed you so that is just them being very silly “

I’d handle it by asking her if it’s true first rather than jumping straight to “going mental”

Kids talk all sorts of shite

I once got called into the classroom on a safeguarding concern because my son said the “scary neighbour” came around to frighten us and was gonna beat us all up with a shovel

we’d actually been gardening and left the shovel outside the house. He’d knocked on the door to give it back to us. DS was scared of him as he’s about 6’7” with a booming Brian Blessed-type voice and he stayed for a very loud deep voiced chat.

Oh no 🤦🏻‍♀️

Don't you think teachers have more to do? If the teacher didn't hear this conversation it's nothing to do with them unless it causes issues in the classroom going forward

You’ve spoken to your daughter. As it happened in school, speak to your child’s teacher that you are concerned about what was said. Schools are good with this stuff- they’ll sit each child individually. It also avoids you speaking to the other mother directly.

Don't you think teachers have more to do? If the teacher didn't hear this conversation it's nothing to do with them unless it causes issues in the classroom going forward
Preventing bullying is high on teachers' lists of priorities. I agree it soesn't need to involve headteacher unless the teacher is failing to help, first stop for any issues should be your child's teacher.

The teacher didn't hear this conversation by the sounds of the original post. It's one child's word against another's - how can the teacher resolve it

But what’s the real reason the mum doesn’t like you? How do you know she doesn’t like you (before this comment)? It’s rare for someone to be that horrible about a virtual stranger unless they’ve done something to upset them or she genuinely thinks you are abusing your child. Would she have any reason to think that? If she did indeed say it, I’d message her in a lighthearted way, saying something like “I’m sure this is a lost in translation issue but dd made this ridiculous comment, I’m sure there’s nothing to it but thought it’d be best to clear things up so the kids don’t get confused” etc. Obviously she’s likely to deny it regardless but it might give you a bit more insight into what’s going on or might prompt her to come clean and tell you what her problem with you is

If every parent “always believed the child” when it comes to all the outlandish comments children tend to make, there would be queues to the head teacher’s office round the block every morning! There’s no way a head teacher is going to entertain a meeting about this! I do agree it needs investigated, I would if I was the OP, but I’d be investigating the mum not involving the teachers who would be unlikely to be able to shed any light on it anyway

Let the friendship die and move on. You don’t like her, she doesn’t like you, your children are aware and also mini versions of both of you, things will only get worse.
Don’t be the parent who causes fights and arguments that spill into the school.

OP hasn’t told the whole story. In an earlier post she said she “knew” the other mum had said it because other comments contained information that only an adult would know about her family. The mind boggles as to what that could be.

Agree this level of overreaction does make it seem like there's a lot more to it all - or touched a nerve

Of course everyone must navigate these situations as they think best. Mumsnet seeks opinions. Ive given mine .

Who would she have heard that rumour from? Have you fallen out with other mums at the school? Invited others around for them to think there is no food in the house? Very strange thing for kids to say

Speak to the class teacher and let the school handle it.

I would approach the school, say what this girl is saying and ask them to investigate.

If you have the Mums phone number I'd send a text to her saying something along the lines of ' xx her Daughters name has mentioned to xxx your DD name that you've told her we don't love our DD or feed her. It's quite a strong statement & I'm wondering why this conversation has come about between you & your DD. Can I ask that your DD in future doesn't repeat things you've said to her to my DD, as you can imagine this is quite upsetting to her' If you don't have her number try catching her on the school run & mention it then. Don't go in all guns blazing go into the convo as if you're shocked the conversation was had between her & her DD as it's obviously not true.

How would the child know what you do or don’t feed your child? This is such an odd thing to say. Is one child under or overweight?

If you're going to accuse someone on the basis of such flimsy evidence, you may as well do it outright. Being snidey under the guise of poorly worded politeness would make you look a complete fool.