to go mental at school mum?

[Whattadopikachu]

My primary age daughter has a friend at school, her mother clearly doesn’t like me. Hasn’t since they started. She also doesn’t like my daughter.

Today my daughter comes out of school in a fit of tears, traumatised, saying “XXX told me her mum is saying that you and daddy don’t love me and don’t feed me anything”

What do I do with this? This kind of accusation has clearly come from an adult and isn’t just “kids being kids”.

What kind of mother says this to their young child about their friend?!? But also this is an extremely serious allegation and must be nipped in the bud. My instinct is to message her and just lay it all out and I’m trying very hard to remain composed.

How would you handle this?

I have always been cautious with stuff like this when the source is a child. They’re literal, have wild imaginations and talk absolute shit a lot of the time. All qualities that makes them very entertaining but not the most reliable witnesses

I think your feelings about this mum are adding fuel to the fire, at a push I’d talk to the teacher but personally I wouldn’t even do that. Just a “well that’s not nice and isn’t true” to my child

I didn’t make a big deal of it at all with my daughter. It was brushed off as how silly X’s mum is to say something like that. But I can’t leave a mother making allegations like that.

Daughter is 8.

You really have no idea what has or hasn’t been said by the other mum. I would be ignoring this completely after reassuring your dd.

I just don't understand why you feel this is a "serious matter"?. Are you worried people will believe that you don't love or feed your DD (which to me is a bit silly, noone is going to think that based on what some child at school is saying) or is it because she upset your DD (in which case you reassure your DD it isn't true)?

The mother is trying to provoke you OP. There are a lot of drama types about and the war will last until they leave that school.

I'd speak to the teacher though to keep an eye out for the bairn.

But what exactly do you think should be done re the mum?

Please be clear on why was said. Kids mix things up all the time.

Even if the mum had said this, which I highly doubt, there is very little you or anyone else can do about it.

Oh gosh, I thought she was in reception when you said she was traumatised 😬 It's only going to get worse here on in OP, you need to help your child develop resilience.

This has not clearly been said by an adult, a child of 8, could easily say something like that themselves, the language of it is very simplistic and child like, go to the school, never the parent

"Oh what an odd thing to say! " surely that's all you need to say to your child

Why pick a fight?

This

I can well imagine it went something like the is
child- why are you making me eat my vegetables
mum- because I love you and I want you to be healthy
in school
your child- my mum never makes me eat my broccoli
other child- oh your parents don’t love you and feed you then

When my DD was 6 she started asking to wear different coats and jackets every day to school. I didn’t understand why but figured she was just going through a weird phase. Turned out some kid at school had told her she must be poor because she always wore the same coat so she was proving a point?! I had a word with the teacher. The girl in question was in fact very poor and lived on the local council estate with her grandparents (parents had abandoned her). I think she recognised DD had a stable home life and was jealous.

Girls get jealous and I think maybe that is happening here. It may well be the mother is jealous of you for some reason and that has been passed on to her DD. I wouldn’t dignify it with a response but do mention it to the teacher.

This talk of "going mental" over something you've heard third hand via two 8yos, might offer a clue as to why school mums haven't warmed to you.

I don't think it sounds like something an adult would say at all. In fact it sounds a lot like something an 8yo who's not getting her favourite foods as much as she'd like might make up.

Either way, it's to be brushed over and forgotten.

@Whattadopikachu you can choose to be as childish as the other mother, or you can be the grown up here.

You go to the school/teacher and explain what has been said to your daughter. The teacher can then ask the other girl about what she meant.

I wouldn't even have said that -I would have said "well we don't know if she actually said that, maybe X is confused."

"XXX told me her mum is saying that you and daddy don’t love me and don’t feed me anything” - I have the exact opposite reaction to you and think clearly this is a child speaking. Why on earth would another mum say you don't feed your daughter?

Everything via the teacher.
Approach the school.
Do not Approach the parent.
It was said to your daughter during school hours, let the school handle it.
Remain calm, respectful and dignified.
Follow up with an email regarding what your daughter has told you and request assistance from the school as your child was very upset.
Let the school deal with it, and document every interaction with them.

Just ask the woman what it's all about the next time you see her.

No need to go mental at anyone and if your 8 year old has got it wrong, you'll make yourself look like a muppet.

Traumatised?
chill tf out

Are you sure you're not putting 2 and 2 and getting 5? Kids say all sorts of stuff all the time. Don't send any breezy yet threatening messages. Those never end well. If it happens again, then maybe there's something there to be dealt with.

I wish I could go back in time and handle this sort of thing with the quiet disgust it deserves.

I'm sorry, OP, but you would be very unreasonable to speak to the mother at all, let alone "go mental".

A mother recently approached me in the playground and started verbally abusing me about something my year 1 child had supposedly said. I refused to engage and told her to go through the school with any future concerns. For what it's worth, I later spoke to my child and it seems that her child had indeed got the wrong end of the stick. But even if not, the school should be the first point of contact and you shouldn't be approaching other parents.

Honestly, the mother who approached me was pretty threatening and I've made it clear to the school that if she threatens me again I'll report her to the police. The other mother in your case could easily report you to the police if you "go mental" in a way which she perceives to be threatening. You are at risk of making things much worse for yourself here.

I think that I’d probably approach with a bit of concern - these things are often misinterpreted from adult remarks or could be from a fear that child has themselves. Like, “hi x, just to let you know that your daughter has been telling my daughter that she isn’t loved and isn’t fed enough. Obviously that’s not true and I’ve reassured my daughter about it, but I just thought I’d give you a heads up about it just in case there is something that is going on at home that is worrying your daughter?”. If mum is a nice person, she will be concerned about her own daughter. If she’s been saying mean things, then it’s a non confrontational way of reminding her to be a grown up and that these comments affect her kids as much as they affect the recipient.

What’s the backstory?

Are you serious?