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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Went to wedding reception without me

473 replies

Caton · 26/02/2026 11:20

Yesterday morning, I asked my partner whether one of his friends got married last year - he had said mid year that his friend was getting married after the summer. I had heard nothing since and it popped into my head - thinking oh did the wedding actually go ahead. He said, yes I went to the reception. Unbeknownst to me. That weekend, he had stayed at his brothers house which is a 3/4 hour drive to this wedding reception. His only child also attends university about 20 minutes away from the venue. He only told me he was driving up to spend some time with his child. I had no idea about that being the reception/wedding date. He reserved a hotel when he got the invite (which I never saw) and didn't say that either. I was incensed - and frankly incandescent - so much that I hopped in the car drove to get a coffee and some fresh air. He had been staying at mine whilst he had appointments in town - His current situation is rather chaotic. He separated from his long term partner 18 months ago and moved out of the house definitively in October last year. For the past 6 months he has stayed either with his family or with a set of friends house-sitting as they travel quite a bit. He has looked to get his own place but that is still awhile away - and also he will have to put this jointly owned property up for sale in the next 12 months. It seems to me he likes to separate and compartmentalise his relationships. I have never met his child - nor any of his long term friends nor his family members. As a mature woman (formerly married) I find his behaviour, and secrecy very very odd. He seems to think he has done nothing wrong. Oh I didn't mention the difficulty I also have as the friend who got married is female and her close friend was in a casual relationship for many years with my partner, whilst he was living with his former partner - and naturally was present - with her partner at this wedding reception. I just find this odd and am reconsidering this relationship. He is panicking and wants to go to couples counselling to discuss - as he doesn't understand why I am so incensed. Am I being unreasonable as I feel like I'm being asked to accept what is frankly unacceptable. He also said the invite was only for him - and that (conveniently) the invite was part of the whatsapp messages that were lost when he upgraded his phone.

OP posts:
Thesnailonthewhale · 26/02/2026 12:12

Annonymiss123 · 26/02/2026 11:59

Cheated on his former partner. 🚩
Moved out of family home last October - while already in a relationship with you. 🚩
You haven't met any of his friends. 🚩
You haven't met any of his family. 🚩
He (says he) stays with family or friends, so you can't stay with him, but he stays at your place. 🚩
Lost his WhatsApp messages. 🚩
Secretive. 🚩

This guy isn't a partner.

"separated" with his wife 18months ago and started a relationship with OP at the same time🚩

Was living in the marital home for 12 months if this "separation" 🚩

ThisJadeBear · 26/02/2026 12:13

Your gut is telling you he is a liar, over and over again.
Only this time you have reacted because he’s lying to you.
He lied to his ex of 25 years. He lied to his friend/affair partner.
He is not going to tell the truth to someone from another location who he sees no need to tell the truth to.
Lying to you is no problem to him - it’s all he knows.
I would imagine there is still a situation with this female friend who has probably been waiting around for him.
The only one who wins here is the ex partner who has clearly got rid of him.
Let him go and juggle elsewhere.
You know who is he is now. Your body is telling you to get rid of him.
You have a choice here and if you stay you are in for a world of pain.

HoppityBun · 26/02/2026 12:13

I have no idea why you describe this man as your partner. He is no such thing.

Jellybunny56 · 26/02/2026 12:13

I’m not sure I really understand the issue. If he only left his partner 18 months ago then this is a very new relationship, certainly would have been last year, so I don’t see the drama of him having his own friends and attending that wedding?

JLou08 · 26/02/2026 12:14

Your post is really hard to follow. He only moved out of his ex's house in October, which is only a couple of months away from the end of the year and this wedding he went to without you knowing was last year? You don't live together? You've not met his family?
If I've understood that all correctly, why do you expect to be informed of everything he does? It's a casual relationship which was very new when the wedding took place.

TheAutumnCrow · 26/02/2026 12:14

Caton · 26/02/2026 11:48

@TheAutumnCrow He has not cheated on me.

Of course he did, you know he did, otherwise why start an angsty thread about the wedding reception that he was secretive about?

Stick with him, don’t stick with him. You’re a mature woman. 🤷‍♀️ He’s awful though. He’s using you. So now you know.

Twatterati · 26/02/2026 12:14

Caton · 26/02/2026 11:59

@Suzjspik Have looked. No pix to be found. The ex did not go- of that I am certain.

But which ‘ex’

I think he’s got more than you’ve been told unfortunately.

When he ‘house sits’ you can’t be sure there’s no one else there. He’s a complete wanker, no matter how amazingly he might treat you when you’re together, his overall character is a wrong ‘un.

Thesnailonthewhale · 26/02/2026 12:14

Caton · 26/02/2026 12:11

@Thesnailonthewhale Good question but not one that I believe is happening.

Why not?

He was living with his wife and having a relationship with you at the same time.... A wife he has previously cheated on.... Why weren't you the affair in this 12 months?

What makes you think they were ACTUALLY separated ( apart from his say so...?)

Thesnailonthewhale · 26/02/2026 12:15

JLou08 · 26/02/2026 12:14

Your post is really hard to follow. He only moved out of his ex's house in October, which is only a couple of months away from the end of the year and this wedding he went to without you knowing was last year? You don't live together? You've not met his family?
If I've understood that all correctly, why do you expect to be informed of everything he does? It's a casual relationship which was very new when the wedding took place.

They've been together 18 months....

They'd been in a relationship for a year by. October. In that year he was still living with his wife....

Thesnailonthewhale · 26/02/2026 12:16

I'll bet his ex is a psycho...

zingally · 26/02/2026 12:17

He keeps you because it's convenient. Especially as he is technically homeless.

Not to mention the fact that he's refusing to introduce you to anyone else in his life... He's not that into you.

Throw this one back.

Triskellion75 · 26/02/2026 12:17

So many red flags...

ThisJadeBear · 26/02/2026 12:17

Thesnailonthewhale · 26/02/2026 12:16

I'll bet his ex is a psycho...

Aren’t we all?!

Omgblueskys · 26/02/2026 12:17

Caton · 26/02/2026 12:09

@Omgblueskys I find it very strange too hence the post.

Jesus's op your post was about the wedding, but putting that to one side , its a big issue of course it is, he's literally lied about the weekend and kept it from you all this time,

But I think you have a bigger problem that he is keeping you a secret , you need to ask him this right out next time you see him, just ask him see how he reacts, what excuse could he give op,

Not sure how you left it with him, but definitely next time you see him just ask the question, you might get the answers to the wedding weekend then ,

TheAutumnCrow · 26/02/2026 12:18

Thesnailonthewhale · 26/02/2026 12:15

They've been together 18 months....

They'd been in a relationship for a year by. October. In that year he was still living with his wife....

And shagging his long-term FWB. There is also the ‘friend’ he ‘house sits’ for, and the ‘relatives’ that OP hasn’t met that he ‘stays with’.

And there’s an adult DC at university.

He stays with the OP when it’s convenient for him.

Caton · 26/02/2026 12:18

@Thesnailonthewhale have spoken to the original 'ex' and their separation was confirmed by her.

OP posts:
cosmicbabe · 26/02/2026 12:19

He went to the reception with his Ex..

TheAutumnCrow · 26/02/2026 12:19

Thesnailonthewhale · 26/02/2026 12:16

I'll bet his ex is a psycho...

Yes, he’s told OP she’s very abusive.

Thesnailonthewhale · 26/02/2026 12:19

Caton · 26/02/2026 12:18

@Thesnailonthewhale have spoken to the original 'ex' and their separation was confirmed by her.

So you shacked up with him almost immediately after the separation??

Why?

And why do you think, knowing he's was perfectly capable of cheating on her, all his lying, deception and vagueness means he couldn't possibly be cheating on you?

CactusSwoonedEnding · 26/02/2026 12:20

This person is not your partner and does not see you as his partner. You are his rebound girlfriend. Of course he's not going to involve you much in his wider social and family circles at this stage, he's barely recovered from the longterm relationship ending. Yabu to be angry, it would be utterly weird for him to be treating you as if you were life-partners akin to spouses bar the certificate. That's not where you are.

Caton · 26/02/2026 12:20

@TheAutumnCrow house sits for friends - a married couple - and when not there at a sibling's country home.

OP posts:
HappyFace2025 · 26/02/2026 12:20

Caton · 26/02/2026 11:35

@BudgetBuster yes and no not exactly. He was sleeping with her (wedding guest) whilst living with his former partner of 25+ years and in a relationship with his partner.

Why are you still with him? He's a complete loser. You deserve better.

Bikergran · 26/02/2026 12:20

He's a twat. He won't improve. Sling him out, block him on every level, and get a pet instead.

ThisJadeBear · 26/02/2026 12:21

Caton · 26/02/2026 12:20

@TheAutumnCrow house sits for friends - a married couple - and when not there at a sibling's country home.

And you really, really believe this?!!!

Caton · 26/02/2026 12:21

@Bikergran no time for pets unfortunately. But do love dogs and cats...

OP posts: