Went to wedding reception without me

[Caton]

Yesterday morning, I asked my partner whether one of his friends got married last year - he had said mid year that his friend was getting married after the summer. I had heard nothing since and it popped into my head - thinking oh did the wedding actually go ahead. He said, yes I went to the reception. Unbeknownst to me. That weekend, he had stayed at his brothers house which is a 3/4 hour drive to this wedding reception. His only child also attends university about 20 minutes away from the venue. He only told me he was driving up to spend some time with his child. I had no idea about that being the reception/wedding date. He reserved a hotel when he got the invite (which I never saw) and didn't say that either. I was incensed - and frankly incandescent - so much that I hopped in the car drove to get a coffee and some fresh air. He had been staying at mine whilst he had appointments in town - His current situation is rather chaotic. He separated from his long term partner 18 months ago and moved out of the house definitively in October last year. For the past 6 months he has stayed either with his family or with a set of friends house-sitting as they travel quite a bit. He has looked to get his own place but that is still awhile away - and also he will have to put this jointly owned property up for sale in the next 12 months. It seems to me he likes to separate and compartmentalise his relationships. I have never met his child - nor any of his long term friends nor his family members. As a mature woman (formerly married) I find his behaviour, and secrecy very very odd. He seems to think he has done nothing wrong. Oh I didn't mention the difficulty I also have as the friend who got married is female and her close friend was in a casual relationship for many years with my partner, whilst he was living with his former partner - and naturally was present - with her partner at this wedding reception. I just find this odd and am reconsidering this relationship. He is panicking and wants to go to couples counselling to discuss - as he doesn't understand why I am so incensed. Am I being unreasonable as I feel like I'm being asked to accept what is frankly unacceptable. He also said the invite was only for him - and that (conveniently) the invite was part of the whatsapp messages that were lost when he upgraded his phone.

Also to add to the deliberately concealing it, I would not want to be in a relationship with a man who cheats so easily as he did with his ex. I would throw him back.

You can't have been with him that long anyway.

I would not describe hm as a partner in any way to be honest, I don't think he sees you that way either. You don't live together and he has a separate life.
I hate to say this but it feels you are a convenience not a true partner.
If this is not what you want I would get rid of.

He doesn’t sound much of a catch and had history of cheating. What are his good points?

@Zucker how am I defending him here.

So, he regularly slept with his fwb whilst with his other partner. Untrustworthy!
Seems like they could still have this ‘arrangement’ with him not mentioning the wedding to you.
I wouldn’t trust him one bit and suggest you get a STD test too.

Then that's why he didn't tell you.

However, it doesn't sound like a great relationship anyway, as his life currently seems chaotic and full of stopgaps. It's not clear how long you've been together, but you sound suspicious and possessive, and he sounds shifty and uninterested in integrating you into his life, so I'd probably just end things there.

This ^ is spot on

So you know he is a cheater through and through? And that he has cheated on you.

And you’re still with him why? Please bin him off.

If he only separated from his partner 18 months ago and this wedding was last year, how long were you together at that point? Maybe he doesn’t see that he needed to tell you at that stage?

nevertheless, he sounds like he has too much unfinished business to be in a committed relationship right now, I’d throw this one back.

@sittingonabeach empathy. fairness (I'm rethinking that point). the flip side is likes to feel sorry for himself - which I can't stand - and has difficulty owning his decisions. My view of his former relationship was that it was financially abusive (on the partner's part not his) and coercive (again on hers) that said I only know or surmise according to what I have been told - and from his answers to my questions. I do believe my view is correct however biased it may be.

I think with your update about him cheating on his former partner and him not telling you he was going to the wedding reception is shady, I wouldn’t get involved at all with a cheater it’s like walking into fire.

@lunar1 we'd been together for about a year - but we have known each other for 5 years.

I'd assume he didn't tell you as he knew his FWB was going to be at the wedding and you'd have been upset that he was going - so he was quite happy to lie by omission for an easier life. If he was in a long term relationship and cheating on his partner, I'm not sure why you'd want to be in a relationship with him anyway? He's already proved that he's a liar and a cheat. He's probably keeping you away from his family and friends because they would tell you things he doesn't want you to hear!

All a bit of a mess really. I’d bin him off.

He is a very slippery, charming, and unreliable person. Why on earth do you act like he is a real “partner?” He is using you as a convenience and has no more loyalty to you than he does to a box of tissue.

I mean nothing in your post screams this guy is the one of you, so you do you if you want to continue wasting your time?

So seperated 18 months ago, from a partner he was with 25 years (and presumably mother of his kid(s)) whom he cheated in for 15 years. Then within 6 months he's dating you?

He's a busy man

Very. He must have a golden cock.

Yeah it’s the secrecy and not having a chat about how it was after, makes you wonder what else he hides so easily.

@TheAutumnCrow He has not cheated on me.

I couldn’t be arsed with this bloke.
It looks to me that you’re just a convenient roof over his head while he’s got no home.

I think not introducing you to his family and friends is the real issue here.

@Myfridgeiscool he does not live with me.

His current situation is rather chaotic. He separated from his long term partner 18 months ago and moved out of the house definitively in October last year. For the past 6 months he has stayed either with his family or with a set of friends house-sitting as they travel quite a bit.

I have never met his child - nor any of his long term friends nor his family members.
As a mature woman (formerly married) I find his behaviour, and secrecy very very odd.

I would be having my suspicions tbh. He wants to keep you completely separate from his friends and family to the point he even went to a wedding without you.

Are you sure he is proparly seperated ? Did he go to the wedding with his ex, hence the secrecy ? Look for pics online?